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Original poster

Any experiences of living with XP?

72 replies

used2bthin · 21/05/2007 20:44

Am sort of in the middle of a split I think, its all still quite bitter, him saying HE wanted it to work but ending it cos he doesnt feel i do although its far more complicated than that and its only recently that he's wanted commitment and i think for me i've just run out of steam. Anyway for financial reasons he has to stay here for a bit. I'm finding the whole thing completely exhausting and we had a lot of stress to start with so just wondered if anyone has any experience of/opinions on living together after deciding to split?

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Pinkchampagne · 26/05/2007 18:41

Thank you.

I know how scary it all feels - I was so scared & such a wreck for months! I was scared of the big move & how I would deal with it, I was scared of coping alone, and basically scared of the unknown.
As the moving date approached I spent many a sleepless night worrying, fretting & crying, but once we made the break & I settled into my new house, I actually coped with the whole thing far better than I thought I would.
The first night & the following day were just the toughest, but after that it seemed to get easier & easier.
The boys dad still visits regually, so he hasn't dissapeared from our life, but at the same time I have my own little place, which belongs to just me & my boys, and that feels pretty good!
I have adjusted far better than I thought I would, and I feel a lot of that is due to the long drawn out separation process itself. This part feels a breeze compared to nearly a whole year of being apart yet still living under the same roof, which can totally screw your head at times!
Hold tight - you will both be ok.

isheisnthe · 26/05/2007 18:47

thanks PC - its all so hard at times - can I ask you - was it your decision to seperate? where you married?

Pinkchampagne · 26/05/2007 18:54

Oh I know how hard it is, believe me! How I got to this stage without a total breakdown I don't know!
The move itself really does seem a breeze compared with the last 11 months though, it really does!

I was married - been married 8 years & together 11. It was my decision, but it was tough as I really hoped for years that I could make things better without it coming to this, but it turned out that I couldn't. I had my whole family very against what I was doing too, which made it that bit harder, but I knew I was doing the right thing & I still feel it was totally the right decision, even if it was just the toughest ever!

isheisnthe · 26/05/2007 19:11

well done for being so strong - I feel like I could conquer anything one day and the next am in tears - a tom and jerry christmas episode did it today!

Pinkchampagne · 26/05/2007 19:41

Oh I am with you totally there! MN helped me out so much over the months where we were separated but still living together, but it proved very hard at times, especially on big events like birthdays, Christmas, and our wedding anniversary, all of which I experienced during the 11 months of being apart yet together! At times it felt like complete torture!

Making the big move was something which scared me more than anything. I lost it big time just before New Year, because I just couldn't face the challanges I faced in 2007!

I moved into this place on the 4th of this month, and the move itself was an emotional ordeal, I can't pretend it wasn't, but each day gets that little bit easier & you start to feel a huge kind of release. It has been a lot easier than I thought it would be, but then it has got to be easier than spending months living under the same roof as your ex when you are fully aware your relationship is over. That's just the hardest, I know!

Original poster
used2bthin · 28/05/2007 13:30

Wow hadn't checked this thread for a while so only just seen much of this. Thank you so much for all of your ideas and stories. Makes me feel less weird knowing others are even going through it at the same time and btw i understand the tom and jerry thing, been getting upset about dd not realising and how different it will be for her. Have been thinking, this part may be lonlier than when we actually seperate, can't talk on the phone freely atm etc. We had got on a bit better since deciding to split, even doing family visits etc but big rows this morning so he's talked of going soon altho i don't actually expect it to happen tbh. It all feels such a failure as we havent lived together long but there we are. Better to be apart and happy as they say!

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Pinkchampagne · 28/05/2007 15:57

The separated yet living together bit is definitely the hardest part. It is a very odd, surreal experience, and you feel a little like you cannot really get on with your life.
I have adjusted really quite well to the actual house move & I think part of that is down to the long drawn out painful process I had been through to actually get here!
I really feel for you having to go through this, it's the pits.

isheisnthe · 28/05/2007 17:17

its driving me mad the way he just comes in and out with no consistancy for the kids to be honest.

DS2 has fallen asleep down stairs - they were both up at 4am so I am just going to pop him in to bed and pray I dont pay for it tomorrow morning!

Judy1234 · 28/05/2007 17:35

We did it for 7 months. it's not fun but it's actually a good way to force you to sort out all financials whilst still together so you can negotiate it all to complete settlement whilst you're still there to see each other every day.

Don't leave. Possession is 9/10 of the law etc and he has a right to be there until you finalise everything. If you're married you'll need a divorce and if you're living together you'll need an agreement about any property you jointly own sorting out.

Pinkchampagne · 31/05/2007 09:08

How are you both?

Original poster
used2bthin · 04/06/2007 21:48

hi he is talking of going this week and since a night out is very positive about it all, hmm... Am pleased its all quite amicable but v scared about coping alone.

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Pinkchampagne · 05/06/2007 21:10

Mine kept threatening to go, but kept coming out with excuses as to why he couldn't.
Living with them while separated is actually far harder than the actual being alone once you move on, it really is!

Pinkchampagne · 05/06/2007 21:14

Excuse the jumbled sentence in my last post! What I am trying to say is that much as it is a daunting thought, the physical separation is easier than living together knowing your relationship is over!

Right now, my ex & I get on better than we did when we were together!

Blu · 05/06/2007 21:18

Glad it's beginning to feel a bit better, PC. (I've been away over half term)

Pinkchampagne · 05/06/2007 21:46

Hi Blu. I have my broadband back now, so that helps!

Did you have a nice break?

Original poster
used2bthin · 05/06/2007 22:05

he's going 2m, havent even told my mum yet, my stomach is in knots! Have just arranged to stay at hers tommorrow and go for a few drinks with a freind as don't want to watch him go iyswim. I know its the right thing for all of us but we've been on and off so many times i'm scared my family etc will be annoyed as i don't think they thought we should be together in the first place but now we've moved in etc they'll think we should have tried more or something. Oh please say it gets better(again!)

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whomovedmychocolate · 05/06/2007 22:08

Hi Used2bthin (I'm aardfark as well as WMMC) - so glad you are finally getting this sorted. You are being so brave and it will get better. Good luck!

Pinkchampagne · 05/06/2007 22:09

This stage is really hard & I feel for you, but it does get easier, honest!

How long were you together?

Original poster
used2bthin · 05/06/2007 22:14

4and half yrs but that includes 4 splits, longest of which was for 2 months. We're obviously bad for eachother! Will def not be going back this time for sake of DD. Just hope i don't get all down about throwing it all away again. I'll just have to keep remembering how bad its been recently and the stress etc.

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Original poster
used2bthin · 05/06/2007 22:16

ps thanks for the good luck message! If i suddenly disappear its cos he's back. Also he's taking the computer when he moves out so will have to sort something out but in mean time, no mn!!!

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whomovedmychocolate · 05/06/2007 22:17

Oh god, you'd better stick with him in that case!

Only kidding!

NikkiBFG · 05/06/2007 22:17

No mnet!!!

Chocolate - find her a link to PC world online please!

Original poster
used2bthin · 05/06/2007 22:17

i know how will i cope!

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Pinkchampagne · 05/06/2007 22:19

Hope it all goes well & that you get some good support from your family.

Original poster
used2bthin · 05/06/2007 22:19

will seriously get one asap! he's considering leaving wireless thingy for now. Ugh the thought of all the negotiations about money, access etc. Maybe best off not thinking about that yet.

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