Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

Should I give up my car?

34 replies

Ottmotherx2 · 06/06/2018 00:15

My ex got a car (in my name) for me when we first got together to help me out as I already had a daughter. I now have his baby and we have been on and off until we finally have stayed broken up for good. He has really hurt my feelings and left me to struggle on my own a few times.

The car used to be owned by someone close to him and he has said that now we are not together he wants it back. In the relationship he brought A LOT of stuff and has done a lot around my house. He feels used and that I have abused his kindness and has demanded items that belonged to the person he was close to back as well as the car.. which I own.

I was ok to go along with this for an easy life and I didn't want to upset him anymore. He has all the items back but the car so far due to collection difficulties.

I have found out the car is going to be passed straight from my ownership to someone else.

I do really need a car with two young children and I feel that this is now being done to teach me a lesson and not out of temporary hurt.

I'm so sad that he is happy for me to struggle with two young children now we are not together. And wonder if he will do more to make me struggle in the future as he knows this will hinder my plan to get back to work.

What would you do?

OP posts:
Original poster
Ottmotherx2 · 06/06/2018 01:10

By hurt my feeling I mean been absent when I have gone through one of the hardest times of my life and by left me to struggle a few times I mean been absent only spending a few hours a day for a few days a week for weeks at a time.

We didn't live together and I am trying to give a fair insight to the situation.

OP posts:
Clairenewbie · 06/06/2018 01:27

If you’re the registered keeper of the car he can’t do anything to take it from you. If he wants to take back what he gave you as gifts..put them all in the car and hav the car crushed and delivered to his home. Nobody gets the car then

NorthernSpirit · 06/06/2018 05:49

There is a legal difference between the registered keeper (the user of the car - you) and the registered owner (him).

The registeration document the V5 is not proof of ownership.

Legally - if he’s the registered owner he can sell the car.

Original poster
Ottmotherx2 · 06/06/2018 06:36

Thank you for replying.

The v5 is in my name. I would have to inform the DVLA of the new owner

OP posts:
Original poster
Ottmotherx2 · 06/06/2018 06:38

Sorry i am confuses.. how does that work the car has always been on my drive and used by me?

OP posts:
Original poster
Ottmotherx2 · 06/06/2018 07:05

And was given as a gift to me. Neither he or I paid for it.

OP posts:
mummyyessy · 06/06/2018 07:06

@Ottmotherx2 firstly you sound v reasonable. He also seems(?) reasonable. Can you not explain to him how much hardship not having the car would have & ask if you could v gradually pay him for it.

I'd be reluctant to give it up in your situation, and it sounds like your life is tough on your own.

but you are the only one really who knows that is the right thing.

Original poster
Ottmotherx2 · 06/06/2018 07:15

I really don't want to pay for the car that has been gifted to me especially as he has never owned the car or paid for it himself. I would rather buy a new one on my own. But without maintenance and on benefits this will be a long and costly process

We had broken up previously and he was helping me with car insurance at the time so he stopped the payments and then offered to continue paying for them when we later got back together (which I declined) and have been saving to pay upfront myself.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ottmotherx2 · 06/06/2018 07:19

Also he just doesn't want me to have the car. He said that he was happy for me to use it when we were in a relationship but now there is no sight of us getting back together the car should come back to him. He knows how much I struggle (from other personal issues)

OP posts:
helloBuddy · 06/06/2018 07:24

He'd have to take you to the civil court to get it back if your name is on the V5 and show proof he is the owner of the vehicle. I doubt he could prove it but it's whether you want the hassle of him pestering for it.

Fishface77 · 06/06/2018 07:28

It was a gift to you.
Tell him no.
Put it in an email and tell him the V5 shows it’s yours.

Raven88 · 06/06/2018 07:31

You need to stand up to him and say no. If that car is in your name it belongs to you. Your ex sounds like a right bellend.

Lovemusic33 · 06/06/2018 07:35

It’s your car as your name is on the V5. Tell him to get lost, your keeping the car, people can’t take gifts back, a gift is for keeps.

Doyoumind · 06/06/2018 07:38

Don't be bullied by him. He's punishing you unfairly.

Why are you talking about getting no maintenance from him? He doesn't get to decide what maintenance he pays. He will have to pay maintenance based on his income. That's non-negotiable and if he won't do it through an informal agreement you can go through official channels.

SlightlyMisplacedSingleDad · 06/06/2018 07:39

It all depends on the basis on which you initially had use of the car. You say it was a gift. He says it remained his property, and you were using it. A court would have to decide which of those positions is most likely to be true. They would ask each of you to describe the conversations you had when the car was bought to establish the basis on which each of you thought you were getting access to the car. If there are any texts, emails etc that were sent around the time the car was obtained, those could help to evidence the basis on which that was done. Ultimately, a court would determine on the balance of probabilities (ie which is more likely to be true) whether they think it was a gift (in which case, you would keep it) or if he retained ownership but let you use it (in which case, it would have to be returned to him). The V5 doesn't prove ownership (if you look at it, it is very explicit on this point) - it just confirms the registered keeper so that DVLA can administer things like speeding fines. Thats what the legal route to resolve this looks like. It is up to you whether you want to go down that route, whether you can agree something else with him, or whether you give it back. Hope that helps.

Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname · 06/06/2018 07:39

Who's name is the insurance /tax /mot in? Keepers papers are not proof of ownership but showing a diary of who actually drives the car and when would be proof enough.

Original poster
Ottmotherx2 · 06/06/2018 07:57

Thank you for your replying. I really do want to here how you would feel in my situation. And what you would do.

I sent the person he was close to flowers and a thank you note for letting me have the car as I couldn't go to do it personally at the time. I turned down the car at first coz I felt bad accepting such a generous gift without being able to thank them. He suggested sending flowers and after thinking about it and really being in a desperate situation that needed a car at the time I was happy to agree.

I really do want to keep the car. I didn't feel comfortable driving it after he cancelled the insurance but have always planned to use it to help me pass a course I have paid for that can't be done without a car.

I try to not get dragged into hurtful excanges but i also cant help but feel that i am bad for changing my mind about giving up the car due to the new information that he is giving it to someone else. I feel like maybe I should be starting to stand up for myself now?

I have always loved him and have been desperate for us to work but he stepped all over my boundaries does not want to be the emotional support I need right now. This has left me feeling hurt all the time and alone to deal with my struggles.

He has no idea what I mean by this and feels used. He says things like all I have done for you and you throw it in my face. You don't appreciate anything I have done.

I try to be kind and explain but more and more I feel that his actions are to bring me down because he feels I deserve this. I worry about keeping the car.. Will he get back at me in another way? And if I let it go what will be the next thing?

OP posts:
mrsshelby44 · 06/06/2018 08:13

Is the car insured and are you driving regularly?

mummyyessy · 06/06/2018 08:22

@Ottmotherx2 I have to say, I'm now moving to a position of saying keep it. It sounds to me like it's yours.

Well done for standing up and not accepting him stepping over your boundaries.

Good luck

Original poster
Ottmotherx2 · 06/06/2018 09:13

Thank you for your support :)

About maintenance.. I have never asked for it hoping that we could both be flexible and help each other out with caring for both children and paying for them as obviously I don't intend to be on benefits forever. Both he and my oldest child had benefited from a close bonded relationship I hoped they could continue.

Maintenance was brought up previously and he said that he doesn't give me money to spend on myself and he has his own bills to pay for.. he will buy what his child needs. He won't be giving me money as he has paid for enough and I am to spend my money for a change.

I do by the girls lots of things but I can't get them all I feel they deserve on just my money and cover house bills, travel, food etc.

I also have my oldest child to consider (which he tends to opt out of if we are on bad terms.. fair enough) as well and all that she has goes to our youngest which doesn't leave much that our youngets actually needs.

Also he isn't selling the car.. He already has someone ready to give it to. He doesn't need the money or the car.

Not driven the car for a few months as I am saving for insurance.

OP posts:
Fishface77 · 06/06/2018 09:22

DONt return the car. I wouldn’t. Get your insurance sorted ASAP.
Well done for getting rid of him.

Dodie66 · 06/06/2018 09:49

If you are not using the car and haven’t used it for a few months I would give it back. You say you really need the car but you haven’t had it insured for a few months so I assume you re not using it. It keeps you linked to him and I think you would be better off getting your own. I would also sort out maintenance. Get it done officially so that he has to pay. He should really be paying for his daughter

sue51 · 06/06/2018 10:05

Keep the car , it was a gift to you given unconditionally. Contact CMS now, your child needs the money.

Original poster
Ottmotherx2 · 06/06/2018 10:06

I have had PND and have only left the house if I have had to for the kids until a couple of months ago and I have been saving as the car needs work before I can insure it to put it on the road.. other life needs have come up that has emptied my savings but the aim was to have the car on the road for my course which is soon.

But I see your point as it was my own.. :)

OP posts:
Melliegrantfirstlady · 06/06/2018 10:19

If you haven’t driven it and you can’t afford the monthly insurance premiums then what is the point in keeping it

Swipe left for the next trending thread