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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

How does everyone cope?

34 replies

ibicus · 31/03/2018 21:53

I'm so lonely and I just feel like I can't cope and I can't do anything at all and I'm so tired all the time and I have no friends and I feel like I need help. How do other single parent manage? I've only got 1dd and she's 6 months old but I just feel like everything's impossible and I don't have the energy to do anything and I'm not depressed I'm just on a constant low. It doesn't get worse or better. I've been to baby groups but I can't seem to click with anyone and people I know that are my own age are so flakey and don't understand. How how how do you cope? Please don't be mean I can't deal with it.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

DoinItForTheKids · 31/03/2018 22:01

Check check on the tiredness. I'm totally shattered on a daily basis - being 51 and balancing two teens a full time job and no support whatosever against menopause, HRT and god knows what else!

I'm not depressed but I've hit a point of such overwhelming exhaustion that I haven't the motivation to do anything (housework especially).

I think a lot of other mums just literally cannot conceive of the day to day difficulties you have to face as a single parent. How much help you get gives huge variation to the matter as well. You could be a single parents with lots of helpful family nearby, or someone with no help at all. It can be overwhelming so you have my sympathy.

I'm entering an 'overwhelmed and not loving it' phase at the moment and struggling quite a lot.

Ohforfoxsakereturns · 31/03/2018 22:01

It is bloody hard and you will - you are - coping. Babyhood is tough, and lonely, at the best of times. It’s a massive change for you as a person, and who you are now as to the person you were a year or two ago.

All I can really say is be kind to yourself. Look after yourself.

It’s been a long time since I was where you are, I have fond memories of DC1 and I being a unit. But I vividly remember crying in the street. It got better.

I don’t really know what to say, other than to offer a bit of a hand hold.

Ohforfoxsakereturns · 31/03/2018 22:05

Doinitforthekids - I’m not far behind you. We’ve come this far.

Ibicus - keep on keeping on is all we can do. But you aren’t alone.

Original poster

ibicus · 31/03/2018 22:10

Thank you it's nice to know there are others on the same page. I'm 17 and I've just moved into my own place and I'll hopefully be going into an apprenticeship or college soon but I just find it so hard. I'd never even learnt how to do all the things I'm doing now on my own let alone with a baby and I just feel so alone. I really hope I find some other people in real life that I can relate to. I'm hoping to go into freelance work eventually so I can have more freedom but at the moment I just don't see how I could possibly have the motivation to do anything other than stay alive.

OP posts:

justdontknow45 · 31/03/2018 22:12

Anyone look at others and think how do they keep there 'shit' together than come on here and think yup it's normal !

Were hear to talk too ! It's hard work!
Keep your chin up, try other groups, do you have a local children's centre ? They arrange a lot of a community room type thing?

llangennith · 31/03/2018 22:13

Do you have any parental support?

Original poster

ibicus · 31/03/2018 22:19

I have support in a way because if I ever needed financial support let's say I know they'd help me out but other that that not really. They are supportive of me but they won't take the baby for more than 5 mins etc...and I don't expect them too because it's my responsibility. I'm just finding it so hard. My dad lives quite a long way away and my mums gone off for a couple of months in holiday at the moment and I don't have any friends where I am. I just feel like I'm really struggling.

OP posts:

Original poster

ibicus · 31/03/2018 22:21

What's a community room type thing? Is that a baby group? My local children's centre do have baby groups. I guess I'm just looking for some other mums on here to say they know how I'm feeling too. It's a bit silly but it's nice to know you're not completely alone.

OP posts:

PrettyLittIeThing · 31/03/2018 22:26

I have 4 and a lone parent (as in ex doesn't see them at all) I don't cope

Original poster

ibicus · 31/03/2018 22:30

My ex has never seen her either I didn't even know I was pregnant when I left him. I don't know how you manage with 4. You must be a really strong person.

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Original poster

ibicus · 31/03/2018 22:32

I don't even cry anymore. It's weird. It's like I don't even have the motivation to feel pain to that level.

OP posts:

justdontknow45 · 31/03/2018 22:41

We have community rooms attached to the local primary, it's just a room for the community to use, they have different groups also churches ( I'm not church goer ) but they do Easter crafts and activities plus coffee and bacon butties! the church goers are lovely and not pushy just respect where you are, met some lovely people who are friends now.
Baby swimming ?
Local soft play do they do any Mum mornings where they meet for a chat ?
Can you ask your Health visitor? They will know I presume

Original poster

ibicus · 31/03/2018 22:46

I am going to make an effort to get out more. I'm vegan so no bacon butties! And I live in a city so I don't think we have community rooms but I'll ring up and ask. I also have a bit of social anxiety which makes me feel like I'm suffocating when I go outside but I am trying to force myself out to get over it and hopefully get some cbt for it.

OP posts:

Bubba1234 · 31/03/2018 22:46

It does get better.mine are teenagers now & it’s just fun now no minding in them & we do things together.
Having a baby is so isolating but this challenge will make you so strong you are doing amazing.
Try & do nice things for yourself. A bath nice book candles xx talk to people online xx

PrettyLittIeThing · 31/03/2018 22:50

Realistically I do cope (you have no choice really do you.) but friends never seem to understand. They all have the weekends free as their kids go to their dads at the weekends and they're are always saying how they can't wait for the weekend as they "need a break." I don't begrudge them but It's hard when you don't get a break at all.

redcaryellowcar · 31/03/2018 22:53

I'm fortunate that I have a very supportive mum and I spent a lot of time wondering what on earth I was doing, no one has a magic formula, done are less honest about it though!! Speak to your health visitor, tell them how you are feeling. They might be able to offer you some honest art help, which is often focused on getting you out to groups etc. Local library might have some things on, and ask the local children's centre (there will be one near you even in a city) about baby groups, and activities. It's worth remembering that some baby groups will suit you, others won't. Try a few. Also at this time of year, going for a little walk around 4/5pm can be a nice way of getting a bit of fresh air before you start putting baby to bed. Try to get some fresh air every day.

CobOnTheCorn · 31/03/2018 22:54

Things sound tough for you ibicus. I've had a difficult week but today I feel a bit better. Do you get some time without DD?

applesandpears56 · 31/03/2018 22:57

Ask for a blood test at your gp. You can become anemic post birth quite easily and low iron may be contributing to your tiredness.
It is bloody hard.

Original poster

ibicus · 31/03/2018 23:01

No I don't get any time without dd apart from when she sleeps at night because she doesn't really nap which seems to have gotten worse in the past couple of days (sleeping less). To be honest I'm really looking foreword to either getting an apprenticeship or going to college (hopefully an apprenticeship). Sounds mean but I think I'll cope better if I have a purpose other than tending to a baby 24/7. I've got an interview soon so hopefully I'll get that and it will start soonish! But otherwise I've still got a while to go. I'm a bit worried about leaving her though because she won't take a bottle and I'm worried she'll just starve all day until I get there. Thanks for all the reply's.

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Original poster

ibicus · 31/03/2018 23:04

I am definitely planning on getting a blood test. I've always been ridiculously exhausted and it's just gotten worse and I've been veggie since I was 5 and never supplemented so I do wonder if I'm deficient in anything. I know I had good iron levels in pregnancy but I wonder about my levels of everything you need to function.

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Sparrowlegs248 · 31/03/2018 23:05

It gets better OP. I wasn't on my own when dc1 was that age, but was when Dc2 was very small. They're close together too Dc2 is 14 months old now and sooo much easier . Keep on. X

Babdoc · 31/03/2018 23:06

I was widowed when both my kids were still babies, and yes, I remember the exhaustion and the isolation. But I promise you it does get better with time. Try to get out of the house a bit every day - even just popping the baby in a pram and having a walk to the shops or the park, it will cheer you up. People often stop to admire a baby and have a wee chat, which gives you a bit of human contact.
Start looking for activities that you can take the baby to - it doesn’t matter what, just anywhere to meet other mums and make some friends. Before very long, your wee one will be in playgroup, nursery and then school, you will have a job, and you’ll start to get your life back.
Once they’re in school, you have a ready made social life of play dates, school activities, mums you meet at the gate or through the PTA etc.
Keep your chin up - you’ve coped this far, you can do it! Sending a hug, and best wishes for a happy future.

Bubba1234 · 31/03/2018 23:10

You sound brilliant well done

Original poster

ibicus · 31/03/2018 23:41

Thanks everyone. Hugs to all.

OP posts:

justdontknow45 · 31/03/2018 23:50

You have a plan, college and wanting to do something for yourself is excellent, for you and your baby, I hope you get the apprenticeship. Good luck ! Definitely try children's centre and Health Visitor for now and be kind to yourself
:)

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