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Original poster

Obsessive mother in law

35 replies

B2602 · 18/12/2017 08:18

Hi All, i am pregnant with my first child, my ex partner has made it clear he doesn't want any involvement with the baby or responsibility so I'm going it alone! The only problem is his mum is a very controlling, pushy bullying woman that will be trying to force me to hand my child over to her whenever she feels necessary. My childs father won't be on the birth certificate or have his family name so in the eyes of the law would she have anything to go on? I'm 100% sure she'll try as she did similar to her sonsl and his girlfriend after their baby. Any advice would be great. Thanks.

OP posts:
ItsYuleyme · 18/12/2017 08:23

Don't understand what the problem is?????
You're not even with her son and even if you were, she has NO rights at all to your child
Are you in some way financially dependant on her or something?
If not just tell her to keep away and it will be you who decides, if and when she can see the baby.

Original poster
B2602 · 18/12/2017 08:29

No theres nothing like that. She's just obsessed with children that aren't hers. Maybe if she did a better job with her sons things would of been different. And she's the kind of woman that thinks she has special rights to her other granddaughter and i think the same will happen again here. She has more or less threatened to take me to court for access! I'm 99% sure she has some serious issues but they don't need to be mine. My only concern is my unborn child and giving her a good life.

OP posts:
Chaosofcalm · 18/12/2017 08:31

No one has rights to a child. A child has a right to a relationship with other people. In this situation as the child does not have relationship with the grandmother it is unlikely a judge will award access.

But having a grandparent in a child’s life can be a good thing. Obviously it is not a positive is they are abusive but it good for a child to have as many loving people as possible and it can be helpful for you to have a baby sitter. If she is essentially a good person but over enthusiastic then you would need to put firm boundaries in place.

Original poster
B2602 · 18/12/2017 08:35

But legally would she have any means or grounds to go to mediation and courts with no family trace etc? And would i be within my rights to just ignore any letters? Boundaries are something this woman has none of. She doesn't respect people's boundaries and has none of her own, she's the kind of person that what she says is right and if you disagree she'll make your life hell!! I am really worrying over this.

OP posts:
laudanum · 18/12/2017 08:36

Put it very clearly - she either backs the fuck off, or you will speak to a solicitor. People like they only understand strong actions. She has zero rights to see your baby.

fuzzywuzzy · 18/12/2017 08:37

I wouldn’t think she has any legal right to your child. I’d double check ask a solicitor.

Then I’d move away and not leave a forwarding address.

laudanum · 18/12/2017 08:39

Bollocks I hit the post button!

She's hinted at legal action - beat her to it and make it clear you're prepared to stand your ground. She has no right whatsoever to see your baby in any form. If you cannot afford legal advice from a solicitor, speak to the CAB. Thanks

ScrabbleFiend · 18/12/2017 08:40

No legally she has no rights. If she starts harassing you, keep records and contact the police.

regularbutpanickingabit · 18/12/2017 08:41

Please don’t let her bully you. Legally, she does not have any rights. If you were married to her son or in a happy relationship and he chose to take the Abby to see his mum then you wouldn’t be in a position to stop that. Even if you were were in a relationship and HE didn’t want her to see the baby then she would have no rights.

Grandparents can be a wonderful thing. But they are just people who happen to have had kids who go on to have kids. Not all people are wonderful. There is no grandparent right in this situation.

Where it would be more complicated is if the grandparents had been the main carers for a child for a long period of time and then were told they could no longer see them.

If you feel threatened by her then call 101 or go to the CAB for advice.

ItsYuleyme · 18/12/2017 08:50

What laudanum and Scrabble says!!!!
And also to repeat what I said: Grandparents have NO RIGHTS to see their Grandchildren.
Just tell her straight, to back off.
Or get a Solicitor to send her a letter if you want.
She can go to Court for access as much as she wants, she won't win.
Btw she sounds quite demented to me!

Original poster
B2602 · 18/12/2017 08:51

I definitely need to speak to someone because she's the kind of woman that doesn't take no for an answer and if you dare to defy, she will take you to court etc. Me and my Daughter's father have had an on/off relationship mainly due to his choice of lifestyle but i know in the future he may want to see the baby but without PR would he be able to take the baby without my consent? Irs harsh to say but i actually feel like someone needs to have PR for him. He's very immature for his age and has no sense of responsibility but if you met his mother you could kind of understand why he's ended up this way!

OP posts:
Original poster
B2602 · 18/12/2017 08:54

Itsyuleyme you are spot on! I've had this feeling since first meeting her. I've never actually met anyone like her before, the controlling side to her is unreal and she's just not a nice woman to deal with. I'm hoping she won't even make it to court

OP posts:
fuzzywuzzy · 18/12/2017 08:55

He can easily get PR regardless of whether his name is on the birth certificate. He can go to court and will be granted PR.

You really should get proper legal advice.

calamityjam · 18/12/2017 08:59

In the eyes of the law, grandparent s have no rights at all

Original poster
B2602 · 18/12/2017 09:07

I don't think he would ever do that. He drinks alot and takes cocaine every weekend and aware that a hair strand will be taken but he doesn't want PR and i think it's for the best. He sure is no Daddy day care and displays behaviours of a child himself and he's 30!!@

OP posts:
kally195 · 18/12/2017 09:09

Whether or not the father has PR has no bearing on the 'rights' of his mother. As a grandparent, she has zero rights. In fact, in order to seek any sort of access, a grandparent would first have to apply to the court for permission to apply to seek access, then start the process for seeking access. It's designed to make sure that only applications which are actually in the best interest of the child get through.

This explains it all: researchbriefings.parliament.uk/ResearchBriefing/Summary/CDP-2017-0120

Original poster
B2602 · 18/12/2017 09:17

Thanks for posting that. I'll have a read. Surely a judge wouldn't grant permission for leave for a baby that wouldn't know her!? I have to stand my ground, she'll try anything to get her own way and won't be bothered about any obstacle in her way.

OP posts:
Starlight2345 · 18/12/2017 19:47

Honestly. I would ignore her, block her.

She has no rights. She sounds like give her an inch and she will take a yard.

abbsisspartacus · 18/12/2017 19:51

Ignore her he wants nothing to do with the child that's his choice is he prepared to sign a paper acknowledging paternity and giving up his rights?

Original poster
B2602 · 19/12/2017 12:23

I don't think he'll sign anything but neither will i to say i agree to him having parental rights. I agree it's for the best. The way he lives his life i expect he'll be in prison soon anyway .

OP posts:
LittleMyLikesSnuffkin · 20/12/2017 07:00

Honestly? I’d shut down all contact with her and the rest of the family. Change my number, block on social media and look into moving house. Harsh maybe but it won’t do you or your child any good to have some controlling overbearing arsehole in your lives.

Original poster
B2602 · 20/12/2017 16:00

She is the type that will post letters and harrass until she gains the control she wants. I feel like i shouldn't have to move house because of her but if she starts harassing, I'll have no choice but to contact the police. I'm 99% sure she will start legal proceedings once I've had my Daughter but I may just happen to not recieve these letters! And legally I'm not breaking the law, she has no parental rights and of no relation to me.

OP posts:
Tinselistacky · 20/12/2017 16:05

You will recognise her writing? Repost letters with Not At This Address on.
She has no rights at all. Ignore ignore ignore. Block all ways she can contact you. Today.

blaaake · 20/12/2017 17:00

Why are you gliding over everyone's advice? Numerous people have correctly told you that she has zero rights to contact with your child and you're almost ignoring them. Just ignore her and her whole family, and phone the police if she continues to harass you.

Starlight2345 · 20/12/2017 17:07

I agree..

Focus on your DD..Any solicitor will tell her she has no rights..

Block the lot of them including your Ex.

Can I also suggest you go and see a solicitor for a free 30 minute consiltation..You have been told by numerous people on here she has no rights but don't seem to hear it maybe you need to hear it from someone else/

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