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Original poster

Mediation Today

43 replies

fairyfly · 17/07/2004 08:30

I have been awake since three this morning because i have to go to mediation this afternoon. I hate it. Last time x brought a list of my faults which included that on one of his visits into my house my laundry basket was full. All in the company of two women smiling inanely asking how i feel inside and would we both like to wipe our emotional slates clean. No i would like to wipe the smile off his face actually, and no i don't want to list his positives. Oh ok then heres a few, he is a constant amusement to my friends and family and has brought many an hour of laughter, he makes me feel extremely intellegent in comparison, he thinks i am Sylvia Plath, which makes his disillusional which is obviously why he left me in the first place.
Half past five in the morning and i am deep breathing, the joys of separation is there no end.

OP posts:
Original poster
fairyfly · 17/07/2004 08:32

and the title of my thread sounds like a new t.v. series on U.K. Living

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MeanBean · 17/07/2004 11:31

It sounds like a laugh a minute Fairy Fly. What was their response to the list of your faults?

wobblyknicks · 17/07/2004 12:11

Poor you ff - I'm so proud of you for not slapping those bitches!!! Sounds like mediation is hell then - I've returned my forms but 2 weeks on I still haven't heard a thing so maybe they've decided we aren't worth mediating!!

Don't forget, the main thing is that you don't have to be with him anymore, which is brilliant, and whatever he and the mediators say or do, they can't change that. Stick to your guns and there's nothing they can do.

As for listing his positives, thats insane!!! If they ask me that I will truly wet myself laughing in their office.

Original poster
fairyfly · 17/07/2004 13:19

Last time my response was bursting into tears, it all felt so surreal meanbean, the room they hire is in the building where parents go to see there children who have been put into care. In the waiting room someone was swearing and shouting and they have helpful posters with tips such as don't put cigarettes out on your children even though you are angry. I hated every minute it is soul sucking. I really have to start preparing my suit of armour now so i just smile or it will really depress me for the rest of the week. Sorry to put you off wk.

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wobblyknicks · 17/07/2004 13:30

Sorry it was bad ff - hope your suit of armour works well. You haven't put me off - I'm not expecting the whole thing to be easy and I'm still so angry at UH that I think that will help. I wrote down a list of 'major' things he did to me when we were married and got fed-up at number 75 so I've got something to remind me why I'm going through all this now and that its worth it.

I really hope its better this time and that you can just smile your way through it. Why not have a treat afterwards - get yourself some chocolates, veg in front of the telly, have a bath - whatever helps.

Original poster
fairyfly · 17/07/2004 13:38

Thanks WK, i just want to act unaffected for once, as if nothing he says bothers me, the thrives off upsetting me, i won't give him the satisfaction (wishful thinking) A good tip i once learnt is pretending you are an actress and walking in as if it is a new scene. You must feel the same if writing down lists that it is such a long process and its getting quite tiresome. Good luck with yours, it does take a month or so to get the first appointment.

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sykes · 17/07/2004 13:40

Hi, FF, sorry about today. Hope it's better than last time - realise that is not a positive thing to say. I'm at work - have lost your e-mail address. Will be thinking of you.

wobblyknicks · 17/07/2004 13:44

Yep - when I had to see him straight after I left I used to pretend it wasn't real and I was only acting or something and it really helped because I needed to stay emotionally detached. Really hope you can look unaffected through it today.

Writing down the lists really helped me feel like I'd got it off my chest without going through the huge drag of telling someone else. And, it sounds very petty, but because I've got it written down, it makes it more real and makes it obvious (to me) that I haven't forgiven him. I know forgiveness is supposedly better for the soul etc etc but right now I want to be angry at him and it seems to be doing me far more gad than bad.

But you have to try and do whatever will be best for you in the long run and if you can make it look to him like he doesn't bother you, that will do you no end of good.

I'll let you know how mine goes if I ever get an appointment.

Will be thinking of you this afternoon, hope its not too bad

beetroot · 17/07/2004 13:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

wobblyknicks · 17/07/2004 13:48

Another good idea!!! When I had to go to Relate (once) I imagined that the woman and UH were wearing potato costumes (long story but a couple of my friends did it once ages ago and its one of the funniest things I've ever seen), and it gave me a bit of mental relief!!!

wobblyknicks · 17/07/2004 13:51

Also, before you go in, imagine how the meeting would go if it went exactly the way you wanted, and then hold onto those thoughts all the way through the meeting and imagine it is just about to go the way you imagine instead of the way it is IYKWIM.

MeanBean · 17/07/2004 14:23

I thought this mediation lark was supposed to be helpful. Who on earth's damn fool idea was to put it in the same environment as "problem" parents? How does that facilitate co-operation? Do they ask for feedback?

Original poster
fairyfly · 17/07/2004 14:24

What, if i imagine he will wet is pants it will happen, fantastic. If i hysterically start laughing, i will blame the Potatoes in red knickers.
Hi Sykes, i hope it goes better also, thanks. How are you?

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wobblyknicks · 17/07/2004 14:26

Well you can imagine he's about to wet his pants all the way through, then you'll be so busy waiting for it that you won't have time to get upset. If you laugh hysterically who cares!!!!

Original poster
fairyfly · 17/07/2004 14:32

Meanbean, i was upset before i even entered the interview room, i had been waiting for an hour while someone was asking if she could have special brew instead of a coffee and could the slag who had her sons baby just f off. When i eventually met my counsellors i informed them i was upset and they just explained to me as they were independant it doesn't matter where they hire the room. I said well it does because i feel really deflated already that it had come to this. They just suggested i went outside for five minutes, but i declined. The problem i have with it all is that you are not allowed to talk about the past, but it is relevant to why i don't trust him. Why it is pointless making plans as i know from the past he won't keep them. The only way we could resolve this if is they have a system restore feature for people and they can put him back to a date when he wasn't such a w''ker

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sykes · 17/07/2004 14:36

Hello, FF, fine thanks, but at work .... How are the boys? Hope Friday is brilliant - really wish I could come, another time. Took the girls to a Nepalese restaurant on Saturday and M absolutely stuffed her face - the spicier the better. A was a little more circumspect. Are the boys on holiday now?

Original poster
fairyfly · 17/07/2004 14:42

No one more week left, boys are fantastic, big one got an award for working so hard this year and improving so much lately, he had to get on the stage infront of the entire school while they clapped. I was so happy for him, he really needed it. Also it was little ones ballet show and he was fab, so i have been a proud mum all week.
Went to see lots of bands at the weekend, recovering from that and yes you must try and make it another time

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sykes · 17/07/2004 16:44

That is so nice re ds1. Don't know if you've left yet - fingers crossed. Let me know how it goes. Not in work tomorrow, at home.

MeanBean · 17/07/2004 16:55

I'm amazed by that. How can you possibly make plans for the future without taking into account what has happened in the past? These people obviously don't believe in learning from history...

Original poster
fairyfly · 17/07/2004 20:35

That was heinous, yet again, don't understand the point, raises your blood pressure and it gets you nowhere. I really don't know how to move forward with this one. I cannot sit in a room and be told that children need structure and it would be really helpful if we set a pattern. All i wanted to say was no shit, tell that him, instead i smiled and said good idea thankyou.

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MeanBean · 17/07/2004 21:18

Can't you just tell them that you don't want to play their stupid games and that your DH is play-acting?

Original poster
fairyfly · 17/07/2004 21:49

He explained to them how much he cares about me and that he rings constantly etc etc. They just thought that was a brilliant start, when i explained it would be a brilliant start and it never happens it was repeated that yet again history doesn't matter and we are starting from today. Here we go again.

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essbee · 17/07/2004 21:50

Message withdrawn

Original poster
fairyfly · 17/07/2004 21:54

I suppose it depends on the mediator and your personality, good luck, i'm sure it works sometimes

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essbee · 17/07/2004 21:56

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