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Lone parents

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Original poster

DS1 has told me he wants to live with daddy

66 replies

pinkchampagne · 30/03/2007 14:57

He said he doesn't want to live with me when we move, but wants to live with daddy.

He said he doesn't see daddy very much, so I guess this may be why he wants to be with him, but he also said he will only live with me if we're all living together.

Maybe he feels like I am taking his daddy from him.

I have tried explaining that it will be like having two homes & that he will see pretty much as much of daddy as he does now etc, but he is obviously worried about everything.

We could be moving in a matter of weeks now, and this is just breaking my heart.

OP posts:
Original poster
pinkchampagne · 30/03/2007 17:56

I have spoken to H briefly about it & told him that he needs to reinforce that he will see lots of him & that it will be ok.
He has just come back from France (with my parents) & has now taken both boys round to my parents house.
I do worry that DS1 will feel resentful towards me because I am leaving his daddy.
He always says "Why are you leaving daddy" rather than the other way round.

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Original poster
pinkchampagne · 30/03/2007 21:41

His father has spoken to him, but feel he has given him another fairy tale type story.
I guess he wants to protect him, but it makes it harder in the long run.

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Blu · 01/04/2007 19:29

PC, how has the w/e been?

I was thinking about this. I'm sure he's saying this to you because he feels 'safe' to say it to you - he always retracts it again, doesn't he?

And don't forget how many conversations he must have overheard by your parents, H etc, all about how you are leaving.

Once it has all happened, he will settle down, I'm sure.

Original poster
pinkchampagne · 01/04/2007 19:47

I think you're right, Blu, as DS retracted it pretty quickly & the following morning he wrote "I love mummy" in his little note book & showed it to me. It was like he wanted to show me he didn't what he said the day before.
I guess that poor DS is just feeling really confused & sad atm, and doesn't know how to express it.
I asked H to maybe have a little talk with him & try to reassure him, because he seems concerned that he will lose his daddy.
H did talk to him, but went a bit into one of his make believe stories of maybe mummy & nanny will sometimes stay at his flat.
DS was apparantly quite excited after this, but it looks like I am going to have to try & undo some of this, so not to totally confuse DS.

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Original poster
pinkchampagne · 01/04/2007 19:48

Second line should say "didn't mean what he said the day before"

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Blu · 02/04/2007 11:08

I would leave the 'undoing' until after the actual split. He must have so many versions and pictures in his head, and be finding it hard to imagine how things will be. All he is ficussing on will be the forthcoming change - once the change has happened, you can start supporting the real facts as he experiences them.

Quel horreur at the idea of staying at H's flat! But as soon as DS realises that he will be seeing his Dad (and let's hope that is true...) he will calm down.

You must be counting the days now!

Original poster
pinkchampagne · 02/04/2007 11:16

I am waiting for the contracts arrive now, which should be posted in a matter of days according to the solicitor!
Am kind of counting down the days, but am also getting very very scared all of a sudden!

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Original poster
pinkchampagne · 02/04/2007 11:20

I will leave the undoing until we are all moved. DS obviously has enough going on in his head atm.
H might not be getting his flat now anyway, because he may have to pay out a few grand to extend the lease.
He is talking of staying with my parents for a while & then maybe going home to his mum!

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Original poster
pinkchampagne · 02/04/2007 11:49

No contracts this morning, just a blimmin Toast catalouge, which has gone in the bin!

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Blu · 02/04/2007 11:52

Do they post them to you? I had to go tou our solicitors and sign the contracts and he thenm posted it to the vendors / buyers solicitors. Call him and say they haven't arrived - never hurts to be on the case.

I bought some Toast trousers once, they were fab, but haven't been tempted since.

Original poster
pinkchampagne · 02/04/2007 12:06

Oh I'm a bit confused! He said they were being sent out, so I presumed they were being posted, but I could be totally wrong here, as I can't remember what happened with our last house sale & H kind of took over.
I will give the solicitors a ring & try to find out.

I have only ever bought 1 thing from Toast, which was a top in the sale! Their bits are too expensive for me at full price - hence catalouge went in bin!!

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Original poster
pinkchampagne · 02/04/2007 12:12

God I am so thick re all this stuff!!
They are being sent out to the other solicitors! Dur!!!
Shows how much I have had to do with this process in the past!!

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Blu · 02/04/2007 12:14

It's all terribly confusing, don't worry. If they are being sent to the various solicitors, you will be asked to go down and sign the ones from your vendor, agreeing to buy , and your purchaser, agreeing to sell.

I think!

I think we had to go to the solicitors office to sign, so that it was witnessed. or it might have been because I was pushing and chivvying and didn't wat the contracts to get delayed in the post.

Original poster
pinkchampagne · 02/04/2007 12:18

I am easily confused!!
Well they are being sent out one way or another & I could be moving in a matter of weeks now!
Very scary stuff!

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Blu · 02/04/2007 12:20

It's bloody brilliant!

Scary I know...but didn't you find the idea of having a child scary? And that's tough but bloody brilliant. (mostly...well, occasionally...) You will be just fine, MsChampagne!

ScummyMummy · 02/04/2007 12:25

It is amazingly fab and exciting! (and scary but most fab and exciting things are at least a bit, as blu says.)

Original poster
pinkchampagne · 02/04/2007 13:04

H is alarmed that I appear so keen for the contracts to be signed, but I feel like I need things to move on now, it's all been going on for so long.
I think it will all hit me hard as the time gets nearer, because much as I'm a bit frightened, I also seem a bit too calm & I'm letting everything wash over me as much as I can.
I have had offers of help from friends & they have also said they will come round & keep me company when I first move into my house.
Don't know how I will survive with no internet for the first few weeks though!

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Blu · 02/04/2007 13:08

eeek - of course, no internet!

Point out to H that once your current house is sold, he will be a 'cahin free buyer' and therefore in a much better position to get a good deal as a purchaser.

How long does he think your buyers will hang on? He isn't v realistic, is he? My fingers are crossed for you.

Original poster
pinkchampagne · 02/04/2007 13:18

He feels the longer they can wait the better, due to storing his furniture etc, but is now starting to accept that our buyers want to get in, so I am probably going to have to move in a matter of weeks.

He is saying he is not going to pay out to extend the lease on this flat he's trying to buy, because it stops it becoming such a bargain.
I have said "FGS I will GIVE you a couple of grand if this is what is stopping you from buying this flat!"
He doesn't worry about spending out 25k on a new car, but won't pay out an extra couple to secure his flat, which he is getting for a really good price!!
I won't really give him any money, but was just trying to knock some sense into him! Maybe he should sell his car!

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Blu · 02/04/2007 13:23

he shouldn't have bought his damn car in the first place...with your family money!!

If he makes himself homeless and has to throw himself on the mercy of your parents then so be it - it's not your problem. My only concern is that he would hold up the sale of your house and therfore your new house. He is really really stubborn, isn't he?

And tell him that if he messes up this sale and you lose your buyers (which I realise would be a disaster, considering the circular chain!) then the sale of your current house will be subject to this new HIP law entailing loads of extra work and expense!

Original poster
pinkchampagne · 02/04/2007 13:38

He is really stubborn, definitely!
Hopefully I will be able to take charge of my moving date & he will just have to sort himself out. We have waited long enough as it is!

He has taken both boys to the castle with my dad today, which is why I am able to post on here in peace!
My mum was appalled that I didn't want to go with them!

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bubblicious · 02/04/2007 13:40

What a nightmare-PC I think hes stalling for time!

Blu · 02/04/2007 13:43

If he messes about signing the contracts for exchange, you will have to get on to your divorce lawyer, pronto!

Blu · 02/04/2007 13:44

A day out with h and your dad? Sounds perfect! (not)

DS still at school til Wednesday.

Original poster
pinkchampagne · 02/04/2007 13:44

I will do, Blu, don't worry!

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