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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

What rights does he have if his names on the birth certificate?

52 replies

Lwatkins · 04/03/2007 19:22

Just a quick few questions that need answering! Am having a bit of a debate with myself at the mo. Am currently pregnant by my ex boyfriend who I split up with in August. I haven't heard from him in months so currently don't know if he's wanting contact when the baby is born. She is due at the end of May.

Now I know that if he wants his name on the certificate he has to be there to register as well. BUT, what I'm wondering is - if his name does go on the birth certificate does this mean he has equal rights to me? We were never married or anything and the baby will be taking my surname. Suppose am just neeing a few points on the pro's and con's of having his name on the certificate as although this might sound selfish of me, I'm not sure how comfortable I feel with giving him equal rights when his interest has been well, non existant. I don't know if I'm making sense, but any info would be welcome

OP posts:

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DeviousDaffodil · 04/03/2007 19:24

His name on the certificate does not give him parental responsibility as you are not married you have full p.r.

gothicmama · 04/03/2007 19:25

if his name is on the birth certificate then he will have parental responsibility as well as you. You also need to consider that if he doesnot get PR in this way he can go to court adn be granted PR

Saggarmakersbottomknocker · 04/03/2007 19:27

His name on the cert does give parental responsibility (since Dec 2003).

You can register by yourself and always add him later if you want to.

gothicmama · 04/03/2007 19:29

info on pr

hope this clarify things

Original poster

Lwatkins · 04/03/2007 19:38

Thanks a lot, it's all so confusing. I'll give him the chance to decide when the baby's born. I'll probs ring him to let him know she's arrived and tell him when i'll be registering her birth, and leave it to him if he wants to show up or not. That way I think I'm still being reasonable and giving him the chance and if he doesn't show up then that's all been his decision. But I still feel like I need to do my research cause you never know how things turn out. Thanks ladies

OP posts:

quietmouse · 04/03/2007 19:47

yes, he will have PR.

I understand you are trying to do the right thing but do you really want to give him PR if he hasn't even bothered with you/his baby through your pregnancy?

chipkid · 04/03/2007 19:51

people get too hung up on Parental rEsponsibility. It is about responsibility not "rights" it is also conferring upon the father that status in law. In the interests of your daughter I think you should try and make him interseted if you can. She will likely benefit from having a relationship with him.

studentmum1 · 04/03/2007 20:18

Don't have him on the certificate! i took my ex along and had both our names on the birth certificate, REALLY regret it, since then he turned nasty and took me to court, the court have given him everything he wants in regard to my little girl and this is all because his name is on certificate! don't do it! he will have an equal say in everything to do with your daughter and it is hell. right now i'm struggling to take my little girl disneyland because he refuses to give me his details for me to apply for a passport for her! sorry for the essay but feel like i should say!

chipkid · 04/03/2007 20:35

Whether he is on the birth certificate or not he can go to Court and seek parental responsibility. It is almost impossible to argue against unless he is really bad news!

As the father it is arguable that he should have an equal say in the child's upbringing so long as he is a responsible and caring father.

WideWebWitch · 04/03/2007 20:37

He gets Parental Responsibility IF his name's on the cert AND he comes with you to register the birth. He can apply for it even if he doesn't but from the sound of it may not make the effort.

Caligula · 04/03/2007 20:45

Oh FGS of course he shouldn't have an equal say in her upbringing if he hasn't had any involvement whatsoever. What an absurd idea.

No he won't get PR if he doesn't come with you to register the birth. But he can get it by going to court, if he wants to. He sounds like he won't want to, unless he gets a girlfriend who wonders why he's not involved in his child's life. That's often a spur.

If in the meantime, you got together with someone else and made a stable relationship/ marriage etc., a court would not automatically grant PR, particularly if the father had had no contact whatsoever and hadn't even bothered to register the birth. They would grant it if they considered that it was in the best interests of the child. The current fashion is that it is. But fashions change.

Surfermum · 04/03/2007 20:59

My husband has PR for his little girl but in practice it means very little. It's been useful for him in that he's been able to contact dsd's school and get info sent direct, eg about parents' evenings and sports days and he's been able to speak to her doctor when he's been concerned about her. He is supposed to be involved in choosing her religion and which school she goes to, but his x just makes all the decisions without referring to him.

PR doesn't mean he'll be able to interfere in any day to day decisions that you want to make. It sounds like studentmum is getting a rough ride from her x, but I'm not sure that's necessarily connected to him being on the birth certificate. My husband isn't on his dd's birth certificate but he was still granted PR and a Contact Order.

brandy7 · 04/03/2007 21:25

agree with studentmum, dont do it. hes not supported you through the pregnancy why should he have rights to the childs upbringing. bad subject for me at the moment im afraid. he would only get PR if he went to court and showed that he had been providing financial/emotional support and had a relationship with the child as far as i know.

ive been going on a few parenting forums over the last few weeks which has loads of absent dads on it and it is very worrying the way they get contact, then shared residence, then slate the mother and go for sole residence

chipkid · 04/03/2007 21:44

brandy is right. However a lack of support during pregnancy does not always end there. Sometimes when the baby is real fathers can show a real interest and develop a good relationship this is all for the good of the child. The OP should not write the father off before she has tried to engage him in the process
The op does not say how old she and the father are.

Caligua my posts have been clear, a responsible and loving father should have an equal say in the child's life. A disinterested one will not be bothered!

nappyaddict · 04/03/2007 21:54

where are you from lwatkins? i see you are at bristol uni - what are you studying? are you in halls? i am at cardiff, so not far away at all!

i would give him the oppurtunity to come, then he can't turn around and say you made things difficult. if he doesn't come i'd say that's a bonus in my eyes! if he comes round and becomes a part of your baby's life then he can apply for PR later on when he deserves it.

quietmouse · 04/03/2007 21:54

if a father is not involved in the pregnancy, the writing is on the wall imo!

The op says she hasn't even heard from him in months. Why should he have his not put on the birth certificate? and why should he have an equal say in the child's upbringing?

chipkid · 04/03/2007 22:03

IT is not always the writing on the wall. It is widely acknowledged across the disciplines that it benefits a child to know and have a relationship with their father. He should be encouraged to take an interest. If he doesn't then fair enough.
FWIW Parental Responsibility does not entitle somebody to an "equal Say" in matters of the day to day upbringing of a child.
It confers responsibility and status.

shimmy21 · 04/03/2007 22:07

Would not putting his name on the cert mean that L watkins may find it harder to get any child support cash out of him?

simplycontrolfreaky · 04/03/2007 22:11

no. liability to maintain a child by an absent parent has nothing to do with pr. it is the biological relationship (or adoption order) which gives rise to the liability

nappyaddict · 04/03/2007 22:11

if he puts his name on the certificate it means he can't deny being the father because he has accepted that he is by signing the certificate.

but if he doesn't want to go on it there isn't a lot she can do about it as they are not married.

Caligula · 04/03/2007 22:21

Shimmy yes, if Lwatkins didn't put his name on the birth certificate, she would not be able to get maintenance from him. Mind you, the way the law is in this country, if she did put his name on the birth certificate, she would not be able to get maintenance from him. So it would probably not make much difference, unless he wanted to pay it.

Sorry Chipkid, I always see red about this issue! (Should really parp myself.) I just think it's pretty obvious from the OP, that this guy is not a responsible and loving father. He's had no contact at all, by his own choice. "It is widely acknowledged across the disciplines that it benefits a child to know and have a relationship with their father. He should be encouraged to take an interest. If he doesn't then fair enough."

In other words, if the father can be bothered, it's in his child's interest to have contact, and if he can't, it doesn't make any difference. I have never understood this. Either it's in the child's interests or it isn't. If it is, then surely the father should be forced to have an interest. If it's not, then why on earth do we insist that an uninterested father be "encouraged" (by whom?) to pursue his relationship with his child? Surely an adult doesn't need encouragement, we're all responsible for the choices we make. If I choose to have no relationship with my child, no-one else is responsible for that but me. And no-one is responsible for encouraging me.

Ellieump · 04/03/2007 22:28

my ex had very minimal involvement while i was pg with ds but after being 'persuaded' to be at the birth he is now far more involved in his son's life than a lot of 'absent' fathers, seeing him several times a week and calling him most nights. he wasn't mature enough to make the decision on his own and did need to be 'encouraged', even tho he was 25.

he is now very grateful to me for that encouragement as otherwise he'd have missed out on something that means the world to him now.

Surfermum · 04/03/2007 22:29

My dh isn't on his dd's birth certificate and he has to pay maintenance. He wouldn't not pay - in fact starting paying her money voluntarily when she ended the relationship - the CSA still wrote to him.

simplycontrolfreaky · 04/03/2007 22:30

that is wrong (re liability to pay maintenance for a child) see my post below. it is potentially most unhelpful to post such wrong advice on a thread like this.... someone might think they should agree to a father being on bc (and thus automatically having pr) because otherwise they wont be able to get maintenace. if a mother applies to csa he can deny paternity in which case there will need to be dna testing. nothing to do with whether or not on bc.

Caligula · 04/03/2007 22:34

Sorry yes, meant she woudln't automatically be able to get maintenance from him.

Would have to be court case, DNA test etc. (If he denied paternity - he might not, in which case, no need of court case.)

But when I was with xp and he went missing, the law was that as we weren't married, if he didn't turn up for registering the birth I wouldn't be allowed to put his name on the birth certificate. Has that changed?

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