feeling very very UPSET

[feelingreallyupset]

i could post under feeling depressed topic but i dont think i am depressed.
i have a 6 yr old dd which i am having problems with.
i am lone parent after domestic violence couple of years ago.
i feel like i am at the end with her.
i tried everything in the book, nothing works.
she is destroying me.
either i will have cancer or something else or i will lose her to foster care something.
i feel like a loser, i tried my hardest really, nothing works.
i am crying since yesterday, i dont see any way out.

in school they are doing their best and i have contact with them regularly.
but at home its so hard.

Is there someone who can take DD for a couple of hours? Can your family come over and help? What about her father?

Do you know what it is that works well in school so you can try that at home too?

I am so sorry you are feeling so low

Please don't give up on your dd you can get through this, times can be hard.

Where abouts in the country are you is there anyone who can help you?

her father basically got rid of her, and i never told it to her.

i think i have to go now.
thank you very much for reading and trying to help me.
i always love mumsnet
c u later, bye for now.

Hope you can get yourself some kind of help here. Take care.xx

Bye, fru. Let us know how you are next time you log on... x

hi everyone,
i am back.
i am feeling still upset. it is an unhappy home now.
as i said before she has no idea what will happen to her if something happens to me.
once she said her teacher or my nephew will look after her, she is thinking like that.
i said to her they will get married and they will have their own children.
i am crying since yesterday, and she was smiling to my face, can you believe that?
there is something seriously wrong here but i dont have any energy left to find out what it is and how to solve it.

How are you feeling now x

Why are you having this horrible discussion with her? No wonder she is playing up if she believes you don't want her. I'm sorry but this sounds all wrong. You are clearly in a terrible state, but you cannot blame a little child of six for it.

and if you dont tell people trying to help you in rl how completely desperate you are and what a struggle you are finding things at the moment then they cant help you..... keep posting?

Why do you need her to know what will happen to her if something happens to you?

If you think that knowing she will land in care if she drives you past you limits will stop her driviing you past your limits, my guess is that you are mistaken. Most children would just carry on oblivious.

She is oblivious to what you need and want and desire. It's because she is six. all six year olds are like this. I think it is a bad idea to talk to her about such adult matters. The does not have the coping mechanisms for them, and all they are likely to produce is more insecure and challenging behavior.

You do need help, you sound like you have very little support and raising a child alone is the hardest thing ever. Please please don't take this the wrong way, I mean it to help, but don't make the mistake of treating her like an adult, and expecting her to act and react like an adult, because you need an adult.

It's not her job to look after you petal. You need looking after and you need some empathy and a shoulder to cry on but you cannot make a six year old do this for you. She needs you to be much much bigger than her. She really doesn't need to know that if you collapse, so will her world.

thanks for all your messages.
of course i know she is 6 years old and she is not someone that i can depend on.
but what would you do if she crosses the line and she upsets you,embarrasses you in a public place very badly? and if she does it years and years?
i am working with her behaviour specialist and how many times i cried to her so she must know i am in a very difficult situation.
i accept that i have no moral support from anybody really, but how can make people to give support? i cant force people.
i have asked help from people, and i am tired of explaining all to everyone, and after some point i am ashamed of telling my problems to my friends.
sometimes i feel they ring me to hear my problems and they feel better because they understand their problems less bad.
i feel in a really bad state, today i will try to speak to her b specialist and if i cant get anything i will go to gp, because i feel like i will die somewhere, i am so worn out.
it is upsetting me that all my days are passing being upset and trying to find solution, talking to people, etc.
i couldnt recover about a thing that happened the other day, it was really bad, and people admit that they cant stand to that. i am trying to stand but i cant last longer.

there is another thing:
i know that she feels insecure, because she asks if i love her quite often.
i am trying to make her sure that i love her, i cuddle her quite often, she sleeps in my bed from time to time, she usually says 'oh i had a nice day' etc, i give my time usually to her, but she still ignores the things i want from her, and she is the same in school, she is repeating the wrong behaviour on and on again. everyday there is a problem in school.
there is a serious dicipline problem i think.
maybe i couldnt manage to be the same person who gives love to her and try to dicipline her at the same time.
but she doesnt have anybody else to get love, affection from.
i am trying to find solution, thinking a lot, talking a lot, but i feel there are some stuff that i cant manage, i cant do.

it seems i am not coping well.
maybe it is normal because i know no moral support, i dont know.

people say, 'oh you have to do this, you have to do that' i mean for everything.
i do my responsibilties, but i havent seen anybody doing anything for me, asking how we are.
sometimes they ask how we are doing and when i say whats happening, they start blaming me.
really i feel i cant stand anymore.
thats a horrible life style.
and now i am crying again.

Message withdrawn

she just saw me crying, i cant hide it all the time, and she is smiling in a menace manner.

I do not mean to blame you at all but you sound as if you dont like her much and also as if you think she is to blame for things. She will pick up on this. It also sounds as if you need some help with depression urgently. Being a single mum is a real struggle just surviving day to day but it can also have immense pleasures and bring great joy.

She is only 6 and I know in my family that the child who has had the most problems with my marriage breakup and associated violence and upset is my youngest who is 7.

Take care of yourself and look at your own behaviours but not in a blaming way at all there are always reasons for us doing things and it is about the whys not the omg I am a bad mother stuff.

She is six. She is not smiling at you in a menacing manner. It is dangerous to ascribe these malicious behaviours and emotions to a child not old enough to feel them.

If you are spending a lot of time crying in her presence, I'm not shocked that she has become seemingly callous towards it.

You really need some help, you sound at your wits end. Have you contacted Gingerbread?

cant a 6 year old know that they can upset people with some of their behaviours?