Acsess to my son and what to do

[NRDAD]

Hi i know its prob unusal for a man to post hre but i would like a womans opinion. Me and my ex split nearly a year ago. Awhile ago we had a reasonable arrangement where our boy was with me tue night wed night then for tea on a thur then alternated 24 hours over night at weekends altho tues was not what she feels she agreed to but was easy for her with work so was getting maintance like i only had 2 overnights which i didnt really care about because i got to have him. After a rather brutal argument on both sides (i wont claim to be inocent in that) she said i had been a dick and took tue from me as punishment.

I pay over what csa say i should and still buy clothes toy ect. She is now demanding i pay half nursery fee for the 2 days a week he goes ( although she recives a wage child maintance from me and all other benifits totalling nearly 2000 while im forced to live off under 1000) and has told me if i dont pay it i will go down to 1 night at the weekend and that is it untill courts tell her other wise.

I dont want to go to court as feel it is a stress emotianally and money wise for everyone involved me her and our child but its looking as if thats how it will have to be done. I am a good father who loves his son to bit and he loves me most times when he has to go back he asks if he can just stay with me which breaks my heart but i know they both love each other too and no matter how much i personally dont get on with the ex i could never come between them having a good full relationship. All i want is the same chance

Bit of a novel there but my questions are

Am i being unreasonable ?
What are my chances of getting split custody through the courts ?
How should i handle my ex on this point ?

[fitforflighting]

I thought I had not imagined it.

From the bbc ref legal aid
The Legal Aid, Sentencing and Punishment of Offenders Act 2012 effectively removed legal aid for the majority of private family law cases when it came into effect in April 2013.
Only people who are proven victims of domestic violence, or those challenging care orders being imposed by local authorities through public law proceedings, remain eligible for legal aid.

[M1nniedriver]

I'm sorry you're going through this OP. Any mother who witholds contact as 'punishment' because she wants more money is disgusting!!

I just wanted to warn you about your joint bank account. Get this frozen or sirted ASAP. My DP ended up having to pay thousands because his ex maxed out the overdraft on a joint bank account that she had refused to take his name off. You will be as liable for repayments as she is. Good luck OP

[Funinthesun15]

Fathers can have quality time together without the need for split access.

Errrrr so can mothers.

[Shutthatdoor]

Just because you make a child doesn't not give you the right to have him whenever.

Nor does it give the mother the right to have him whenever either!!

[NRDAD]

I live in scotland im not sure if things up here a diffrent but my solicitor says because we had an agreement in writing between us and she has not responded to solicitors letter this proves i have tried to sort it without going through courts which is needed for me to apply for legal aid and because of what i earn and my out goings i should qualify for it. It only covers court cost all my meetings and solicitors letters i have to pay for myself

[bluebell8782]

NRDAD - that is good news. Go for it. The sooner you sort this, the better - for you and your son. It is perfectly possible for a child to have two homes and to be happy. There are some children who may not be able to cope with that, however, you know your child and if you feel it's worth pushing 50/50 then go for it. He is only 4 so will soon get used to the routine and he won't remember the difference. My husband is friends with a family judge and she has said that a huge percentage of the cases she overseas, she has ended up telling the mother to grow up....

[bluebell8782]

overseas ... oversees, rather.