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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

ethics of flirtation with your child's teachers?

34 replies

TurnAgainCat · 17/05/2004 10:25

This term, ds's swimming teacher is really gorgeous. We go to parent and child lessons, so I am always in the water too. I have also noted that he is not wearing a wedding ring, and I really like the way that he deals with the young children, very kind and sensitive to them, but also strict when they are not listening. My priority is for ds to learn to swim, as he is nearly there, but I want to flirt with his teacher with a view to asking him for a drink. Is this wrong? Do I have to wait until ds learns to swim?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

jmg1 · 18/05/2004 16:24

From what you have said can't see anything wrong with giving it a try!

CountessDracula · 18/05/2004 16:27

(and that comes from the male version of Tracey the flirt queen on that dating prog )

I would go for it too! It's not like your ds will be taught by him long term is it?

Beware though, just because he doesn't wear a wedding ring doesn't mean he isn't married, he may take it off for his job or just not wear one.

Janh · 18/05/2004 16:27

No wedding ring doesn't mean not attached though...any way you can find out before asking him out?

("Does your child/family/wife like to swim too?" or something...?)

coddycodcod · 18/05/2004 16:28

OOh dont - how embarrasing if he says no!
i would leave it till you meet him in a bar ir somewhere

motherinferior · 18/05/2004 16:30

Why don't you skip the flirting and just ask him out for a drink?

motherinferior · 18/05/2004 16:31

Although I should add that nobody with any sense should take romantic advice from me!

secur · 18/05/2004 16:32

Message withdrawn

Miriam2 · 18/05/2004 16:34

OOh no, agree with coddycodcod, what if he's in a serious relationship (hence no ring) Try and find out about him first, maybe jokingly in changing room, say to other mums 'Isn't he lovely?' and see if anyone knows anything about him..

tamum · 18/05/2004 16:35

What about saying something like "oh you're so good with the children, how old are yours?", so that he can say "Me? Children? Goodness no, I'm single, much as I'd love to have a partner, esp. one with a lovely son like yours "

Bit far-fetched maybe, but the general principle of asking some kind of leading question to ferret out a bit more info is a sound one, IMO!

Original poster

TurnAgainCat · 18/05/2004 16:51

So relieved to get some responses from you girls - was thinking that you were all shunning me for thinking such wicked thoughts in virtuous-mummy-teaching-swimming role! Miriam2, I have done this (he is objectively quite striking to all the mothers) and found out that he used to be on the national swimming team of his home country (another European country) so then I decided to make chitchat about his home country but by the time we came out of the changing rooms he had gone . Actually, I don't think I would find it embarrassing if he said no or was attached, because this has happened to me so many times that I am now really thick-skinned, I just say that's a shame and I wouldn't have said anything if I had known, and then I am really frosty so he won't raise the topic again! I will find out after half term indirectly by asking him what he is doing at the weekend and so on. I also have to casually get into the conversation the fact that I am not married - this is always a huge problem because everyone assumes I am married. I told ds (to encourage healthy exercise!!) that I hoped he would be as big and strong as his teacher when he grew up, and ds said he would be bigger and stronger and push him into the pool!

OP posts:

Piffleoffagus · 18/05/2004 16:55

perfectly ethical been there done that, got the t shirt and the love bites....
hee hee

tamum · 18/05/2004 16:55

Could you coach your ds to shout "My mum's not married" next time he has a lesson?

Miriam2 · 18/05/2004 17:20

I know, I know (came to me while peeling pots) find out which is his car and have a quick look inside for any signs of female company and/or kids.

Cam · 18/05/2004 18:07

The only prob I can see is if he's that gorgeous he's probably got the ego to go with it and is used to the mums fancying him, and therefore won't take it seriously and you'll end up embarassed?

coppertop · 18/05/2004 18:43

What about organising a night out for the swimming group parents and the teacher? Hopefully most of the others will be unable to make it.

Piffle - Out with the details!

WideWebWitch · 18/05/2004 22:43

Go for it, definitely! Let us know what he says...

Original poster

TurnAgainCat · 25/05/2004 16:47

We have been invited to a picnic in Hampstead Heath next month in the afternoon after our swimming lesson. Would it be too weird to ask him if he wanted to join us and then go swimming afterwards in the open air pools? I have never done this and think it might be fun. I can't think of any other interests which we have in common at this stage, apart from swimming (mainly because we have never talked about anything other than swimming...). I find it really difficult to ask men to come for a drink or dinner, but very easy to ask them to come along to other activities that I am doing, and also screens out men who like staying at home, as ds and I are both crazy for going out and doing some activity or other. Needless to say, if we didn't actually end up joining our friends' picnic, but just did our own thing in the park, I could make some excuse afterwards to the friends! Would that be too weird to suggest, or just reflect the way that I am?

OP posts:

coppertop · 25/05/2004 18:14

It sounds ideal! Far less pressure than inviting him out on an evening date with just the two of you.

Would the outdoor swimming be a ploy to get him back into his Speedo's?

jampot · 25/05/2004 18:38

Absolutely go for it - and Piffle please tell us what happened?

jampot · 27/05/2004 23:44

bump.

Piffle?????well??????

Original poster

TurnAgainCat · 14/06/2004 15:47

Two quick queries for my advisors, please! Been away and not online. Ds was so excited about picnic that he asked everyone in the class about it and so it was v easy for me to raise it. Teacher appeared very interested in idea of swimming outdoors at lido but then said it was not possible because he was very busy; but then went on to give me lots of factual information about how he had to go and do another 8 hours' work at a particular school after our swimming lesson every week, and then indeed dashing off on motorbike in dashing manner. So, now I am at a loss how to proceed. I ended up having to arrange another date to have a picnic with another family though, as they were pleased that we had invited them but they could not come! I like them anyway! Meanwhile, ds's swimming progress is great... On another case, if someone keeps responding positively to my suggestions that we meet, but is often unavailable and does not specify where else he is going or who with (which leads me to think he is attached) and I then say that I have got 6 tickets for something and would he like a couple, and he then replies that it is an excellent idea and he would love to come, and how many spare tickets to do I have and who should he invite, does this establish that he is single? What should I answer to his question (I was expecting to use all 6 tickets for my friends, unless he wanted 1 or 2).

OP posts:

Ixel · 14/06/2004 16:06

If he has to ask who to invite, I'd assume that, yes, he is single. Or doesn't like his partner very much! What are the tickets for? Is it something you'd actually want him to join you at?

WideWebWitch · 14/06/2004 16:21

Oh please just ask him and offer the tickets TAC! The answer to the question from him 'who should I invite?' is 'well, do you have a wife or girlfriend?' then you'll get a yes or no answer. (btw, have we met? I think maybe we have and am getting confused at name changes!)

CountessDracula · 14/06/2004 16:40

Maybe he's gay and doesn't want to tell you

vivat · 14/06/2004 22:03

sounds v interesting TurnagainCat - why don't you say would you like a ticket...or two, giving him the opportunity to say only one ?

How was your week in France ?

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