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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Is being single always this hard, boring, depressing or is it just this time of year ??

95 replies

nutcracker · 10/12/2006 10:55

Seemed to be confronted with happy xmas pressie shopping, loved up families yesterday.

Am just jealous obviously and really think it's fab that families like that do actually exist but god it makes me feel crap.

I am looking forward to xmas cos of the kids, but for me it's just equalling more stress, lonely nights sat in on my own and no money.

I am trying to find something for me to get invloved in but nothing as yet.

I want to be able to get up, get in the car and go xmas shopping, pop to my dads, to the xmas market and then home for a roast dinner, which is what we used to do wether we were rowing or not.

Instead I have to sit hear, reffereeing fights between kids and sorting out washing.

Tis like groundhogday.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

DeepPannCrispandEven · 14/12/2006 23:29

wwjd - I was a bit baffled at the strength of reaction from R and S......DON'T wish any antagonism, and am apologetic if "smoking something" was taken so seriously....

RachelG · 14/12/2006 23:32

I admitted to being hypersensitive on this subject, to explain my apparent lack of sense of humour.

I don't think I'm tunnel-visioned. I've said several times that we all have different lives with different problems.

Anyway, enough said, I'm going to bed now.

whatwouldjesusdo · 14/12/2006 23:34

well, sandy was a bit aggressive, but rachel wasnt. I too will be spending an idyllically happy Christmass (I hope) with my children. Just being in the same house with them, and my ex NOT being there is enough.
But my situation is a bit different from someone who is stuck on benefits and never gets a break from the daily routine.

DeepPannCrispandEven · 14/12/2006 23:37

No, no-one was being 'aggressive'...if I'd have put a after the smoking thing, it may have defused the impact..but I didn't. Thereafter things ran away from me a little.

I do apologise if my humour was misplaced.

wetweekend · 15/12/2006 01:13

I'm a bit surprised with the way this thread has gone... I thought it was about supporting each other and knowing that we are not alone. Surely, if we're all in the same boat (being lone parents, regardless of other circumstances) then we can empathise. And, if you can't empathise, I'm not sure it is helpful to post. The thread title made it quite clear that the OP needed to know she wasn't alone and wanted a bit of encouragement that it won't always be this hard.

I'm sure we all appreciate our children but being alone with them all day, every day is really, really hard. Unless you have ever done that for months on end with absolutely no break ever, you really don't understand how it feels. And, even though we love our children, Mumsnet is mean to be a safe place to vent. We all get frustrated sometimes and it's good to share those feelings with people who understand.

hoolagirl · 15/12/2006 10:22

I think a few people on this thread could do with 'smoking something' !
Deep pan I saw the funny side to your post as soon as I read it!

happyatlast · 15/12/2006 16:47

I've been on my own pretty much for the last seven years since I had my first child, I was with my second childs dad very briefly (5 months in fact!), he was an arsehole, and in all that time I have spent every single christmas on my own, apart from my kids obviously, or I would go to my mums with the kids or my sisters, they are both in relationships, my sis and mum not my kids, so I would spend every christmas watching them with their families, not a nice experience, but anyway just over 6 months ago, I was single and so bored of it, and like you I would go shopping and see families out together with their kids and I'd be on my own with my kids and its so lonely at times, but now I've been with my current dp for the last 6 months, and he is absolutely fantastic and absolutely adores me{????) and loves my kids, he has a daughter of his own so that helps, and I am so looking forward to christmas this year finally. I know exactly how you feel, I felt like I was never going to find someone that I could be happy with as I have high expectations but my dp is perfect and is an ex pro footballer too so his body is to die for!!!

I hope you find someone perfect for you soon, I thought I never would but I did!!

happyatlast · 15/12/2006 17:16

Just read the thread in full and I have to say people are entitled to come on here and vent their frustrations, they are not in any way saying they dont appreciate their children. I love my kids but I do moan about my situation from time to time, although it is getting better now but to start off with my daughters dad went to prison for three years when my daughter was 3 months old and then four years later I had my son by someone else and I left him when I was a few months pregnant cos he was a wanker basically, so I was on my own, on benefits, two children, couldnt afford a car etc etc, used to have about 40p left every week for bread or milk the day before my benefits were due, and it was bloody difficult but the way I coped was by talking about it to friends, its not moaning about your children, its moaning about the situation in which you are in with your children thats all.

Judy1234 · 15/12/2006 17:25

I'm the worst person in England at complaining about having 5 children on my own and an exhusband who has all the money, pays nothing and virtualyl doesn't see them. Yet of course I appear (am) well off and lucky. I accept that but it's still hard even if you earn enough money to have the children day in day out to be the only person who has to decide everything, the only person to pick up the pieces if things are going wrong for them, to pay for them. SO yes I do sometimes with they weren't here. I'd like a weekend without them here. They've been here or some of them for 22 years so may be that also alters how you feel.

justaquestion · 15/12/2006 18:07

happy for you happyatlast,
i hope your happiness will be forever.
how did you meet your dp?

justaquestion · 15/12/2006 18:09

i know your situation is very hard xenia.
do you have too many RL friends?
are you able to find time for your hobbies, going out with your friends? maybe these can help you to feel better?

happyatlast · 15/12/2006 18:18

justaquestion....I met my dp on t'internet!!! I had gone out one sat night with my bezzie mate, she got way too drunk and we came home at 11pm cos of that, we got a taxi and I saw her to her door where her dp was waiting there to look after her, I went home and sat on my own slightly drunk and lonely, so I went on a site where my profile is, where I sometimes reply to messages from guys I quite like the look and sound of, and a guy from Bolton had messaged me so I messaged back, we both had a webcam so I made sure he went on it so I could see him, he said he wanted somebody to cuddle up to and love and that he was lonely too and he was sexy as anything and the same age as me, previously I'd gone for guys in their 20's and its a definite no no for me, they are just so stupid, anyway we met up the next day and have been together ever since, he is a postman now in Bolton and he comes over to Stoke on Trent every night and spends the night here then gets up at 5.45am every morning and drives to Bolton for work, he is sooooo nice, a bloody nice bloke quite frankly and he adores me and tells me he loves me over and over, so I'm well happy!!

justaquestion · 15/12/2006 18:26

being a bit drunk helped you then
maybe otherwise you wouldnt message him.
anyway i am so happy for you, after suffering that long you met someone nice.
i wish the same for me

happyatlast · 15/12/2006 18:32

Oh no, I would have messaged him if I had have been sober, I just dont reply to many messages cos you dont find many you would give the time of day too, but he was lovely, I really dropped on, I remember thinking days previous to that, how the hell I was ever going to find anyone decent, I thought I would be on my own forever or end up with another arsehole, I am truly amazed I found my dp so it too can happen to you!!! I hope it does!!!!

Original poster

nutcracker · 15/12/2006 18:55

Hadn't noticed that this had kicked off.

Sandy I think it is a shame that as someone in a similar position you can't be more sympathetic.
You said, you have a good job, nice house, money from your childs father etc but alot of single mums don't have that, me included.

Perhaps if all the single mums had those things they could be a bit more up beat about their situation, but the point is they don't.

As far as I can tell, no one on here, me included, said that they wish they hadn't got their children, just that a break or some help would be nice.

OP posts:

freedomfighter · 18/12/2006 20:40

Totally agree with Sandy.

ninah · 18/12/2006 21:35

I love being single. I never felt like a family when we were with exp. Now I do. I was brought up to believe that a relationship was the ultimate goal and yet I feel far better and happier just me and the children. Before being a single parent I had the idea it would be a sad, lonely life and I am amazed and gratified to find it can be quite the reverse.

freedomfighter · 19/12/2006 19:28

Sorry I meant I totally agree with nutcracker!!! Am very pregnant so must be brain not connected!

pinkchampagne · 22/12/2006 11:36

Can't believe this thread has kicked off either. Where has anyone said they don't appreciate their children???
I am not a moany person at all, although I may come across a bit like that at times on here, as MN is often the only place I feel I can get things off my chest!
This is the first thread that I haven't changed my name to discuss my separation, as I like to keep my regular name for lighthearted threads.
Sandy, I am pleased you are so upbeat & happy with your lot. I try to keep as positive as I possibly can, but living with your EX for over 6 months after your decision to go your separate ways, worrying about the effect it is all going to have on your children, having your EX still playing mind games with you, having an unsupportive family, feeling frightened about what you are going to face over the coming months & feeling lonely & sad facing your first Christmas apart are all reasons that can kind of get a little too much at times & it helps to get it off your chest & talk to supportive people who understand what you are going through.

pinkchampagne · 22/12/2006 11:38

Nutty - hope you are feeling ok today.

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