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Lone parents

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Original poster

Is being single always this hard, boring, depressing or is it just this time of year ??

95 replies

nutcracker · 10/12/2006 10:55

Seemed to be confronted with happy xmas pressie shopping, loved up families yesterday.

Am just jealous obviously and really think it's fab that families like that do actually exist but god it makes me feel crap.

I am looking forward to xmas cos of the kids, but for me it's just equalling more stress, lonely nights sat in on my own and no money.

I am trying to find something for me to get invloved in but nothing as yet.

I want to be able to get up, get in the car and go xmas shopping, pop to my dads, to the xmas market and then home for a roast dinner, which is what we used to do wether we were rowing or not.

Instead I have to sit hear, reffereeing fights between kids and sorting out washing.

Tis like groundhogday.

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theheadlessreindeer · 10/12/2006 17:47

This thread has struck a chord with me too, I have been on my own 3 years now, and this year couldn't go to my work xmas bash as it fell on the same night as DDs xmas concert I miss being able to get dressed up and get a bit drunk.
I always feel christmas, like new year, makes you take stock, and see how far you've come in the past year. Not that far in my case. But I agree with you, Turquoise, its much worse having christmas whilst in a crappy relationship. My girls and I will have a good one I hope, and I send best wishes to all Mnetters who are going through rough times. Here's hoping things improve

Original poster
nutcracker · 10/12/2006 18:01

Well my kids are treating me like shit at the mo so, dunno why I am bothering to even try and make it nice

OP posts:
ellesbellsringsoutforchristmas · 10/12/2006 18:02

oh id love to get dressed up and very very drunk like some do sorry, my post sounded all doom and gloom (was just knackered from putting up the lights!) just took dd3 (9 months) outside and she oohed and aahd. somehow made it all better!!

ellesbellsringsoutforchristmas · 10/12/2006 18:04

ahh nutcracker, kids are horrid when they are excited, turns them into monsters ya know!!!

JollyOldSaintNikkielas · 10/12/2006 18:26

Ohyes I broke the love actually rule

I've been in a foul mood again this weekend, just feeling lonely.

HazelnutsRoastingOnAnOpenFire · 10/12/2006 19:22

nutcracker
Just to say I know how you feel and that things will get better for you.

I have got better with being on my own and coping on my own. Last year I was a crying wreck at night once the DC were in bed. I feel better about being on my own now than ever before.

{{{{{nutcracker}}}}} Enjoy Christmas day with your family

madamez · 11/12/2006 20:53

On the one hand, the endless dark, wet and cold at this time of year can make anyone feel miserable. On the other hand, the very briefest of looks around (here/in the high street/at the telly) will reveal that pair-bonding is no guarantee of happiness. Think of all those people whining about their partners/physically assaulting their partners/panicking that partners will leave them or... gasp, shudeer... Look At Someone Else.
Being single is much better than being in a crap relationship. Frankly, I have always found being single much better than being in any kind of couple-relationship, all my exes are far better friends of mine now they are exes.

AMAZINWOMAN · 12/12/2006 18:12

i chose to be myself with kids and have no regrets. I'm happier being single than in a crap relationship.

What i find hard tho is that my life is on hold. Having no support can be lonely and v.vvv. tiring. Sometimes i feel my life is just being a mum and my role in my job. I forget who i am in the midst of it all!!!

Original poster
nutcracker · 12/12/2006 18:14

Saw xp today, and that was more than enough to make me realise that my life now is 10000 times better than it was with him

OP posts:
whatwouldjesusdo · 12/12/2006 18:31

phew, thats always reassuring!

madamez · 12/12/2006 20:30

Amazinwoman: know how you feel but (again) a quick glance round on here will show you lots of mums who have a partner living in the house who does f* all, and they probably feel as bad if not worse (simmering resentment can really make you ill). Bear in mind that kids get bigger and spend more time away so you can get your life back in bite-sized chunks.
In single-mum solidarity ;-)

freedomfighter · 12/12/2006 22:44

reassuring to read some of these messages cos due in january with first and will be single parent and already lonely sometimes

rainbowgirl · 12/12/2006 22:54

i don't want to celebrate christmas this year but with dd nearly 4 more excited than she has ever been about anything, i have no choice!!

i'm 25 weeks pregnant, fat, miserable and feeling sorry for myself i don't want to buy or receive any presents i just want the whole thing to go away!!

however i managed to decorate tree with dd, with carols playing in the background, and have to say i did feel marginally better just for sharing in her excitement.. feel proud of myself that i can still be a good (ish ) mum even with how i am feeling at the moment..

but just SOOOOO miserable about dp (who has gone awol) and worried about the future...

think this time of year is hard for single folk full stop, and hard for single mums specially if you are newly single or single again after a period of togetherness (i'm not new to being a single mum but have had to re-adapt to it)...

the thing i take from the 'spirit of christmas' is the need to be nicer to each other... i'm just trying to give out as much as i can, non-materialistically, and hope that a bit of the fluffiness comes back to me!

freedomfighter you'll be fine.. i'm on the march antenatal thread if you want to pop in and say hi

freedomfighter · 13/12/2006 19:09

i like that word fluffiness think christmas is mainly for children so you've put the effort in with the tree and carols, but it can be a hard time cos of all the stress on family (and stress of family ). what happend with awol partner? it is difficult doing the pregnancy thing on own...my relationship/friendship was rocky at the start anyhow and broke down completely about three months ago so about the same time as you are now and its been hard going to ante natal when others partners are there and everyone assumes you've a partner around but for me at least theres a huge part of me that's glad i'm on my own without the hassle

JollyOldSaintNikkielas · 13/12/2006 19:38

I am glad I don't have the hassle

I think this time of year makes it worse, I've been on my own for 5 years now and there are times I feel very lonely and want another adult to share things with

mamama · 13/12/2006 19:48

Yes, this whole christmas alone with the kids thing is crap. I've decorated the house with lights and cards etc but all a bit pointless. DS is too young to understand but I feel like I need to make an effort for myself. And,even though it'll be just me for xmas dinner (with DS throwing his all over the floor) I think I'm still going to do nice xmassy lunch. I'm sure I'll take one look at it and cry and spend the rest of the day feeling sorry for myself but knowing that this is the first christams alone and that next year should be so much better will help. I hope.

{{Hugs to all of you}}

JollyOldSaintNikkielas · 13/12/2006 20:09

I have all the family for lunch but it can make me feel worse as they are all in couples and then they go home, kids go to bed and I sit there

justaquestion · 13/12/2006 20:23

i share all your feelings of loneliness here.
wish we lived near and not lonely at christmas time.
i miss adult conversation most of the time too.

Judy1234 · 13/12/2006 20:42

Ditto... even with some adult children. It's not the same. It's when their father does 0 to your 100% too which is unfair. If he would have them 2 days and me two that would be easier. Anyway it's a lot better than together. At least there won't be any rows.

DeepPannCrispandEven · 13/12/2006 21:13

mamama..do so agree with you on continuing to do a "Christmas" if only just for you!

Imagine not doing it all? Doing it helps to keep one's self-esteem intact, and, to not do it may well set an unpleasant precedent, involving a real wrench of an effort to re-start being festive, imvho......

justaquestion · 13/12/2006 21:26

i agree with you xenia.
where have you been? i havent seen you posting for a long time.

Judy1234 · 13/12/2006 22:18

I have posted. Just may be not where you looked. Or do you mean xena who is someone else and whose name I think I got too close to by mistake.

Perhaps those who want their children with them resent their partner having them at Christmas and those whose partner doesn't have them thnk he should share some of the load, nice load though it is. If he had them 2 days this week it would make work and getting ready for Christmas much easier.

RachelG · 13/12/2006 22:29

I'm single after splitting with DH when DS was first born.

I needed IVF to have DS (now 15 months old). I spent years desperately yearning for a child. It's a physical pain, it never leaves you. Facing the possibility of being childless for ever is the hardest thing I ever had to do.

Having DS has been the best thing that ever happened to me. I look at him and marvel at how much I love him, regardless of how much food he throws around, or how he drops my mobile phone down the toilet, or how he wants to be carried everywhere etc etc

This is going to be the best Christmas of my life. I have a beautiful little child, the greatest gift anyone can hope for.

I know everyone's situations are different, and we all have our own crosses to bear. But I thought that maybe seeing it from another perspective might make it seem not so bad for you.

Anyone with children is truly blessed, believe me.

Sorry if I've upset anyone with this post, but I just couldn't keep quite.

Blondilocks · 13/12/2006 22:33

I'm not finding it too bad. The worst part was seeing the too my girlfriend grey teddy cards similar to the one I got last xmas & thinking of him buying one for his new gf .

However, we still get on ok so I text him v tongue in cheek & said no Grey teddy cards for her pls - don't care if he sends one covered in hearts & messages of love, just NOT GREY TEDDY!

It is strange the things which trigger the feelings of sadness. Can listen to our songs fine, but his favourite song made me cry when I heard it.

There is so much emphasis on togetherness at this time of yr that it is hard, but I really do think that it comes to a point where it suddenly clicks & you think how stupid have I been sort of thing & one starts to feel better off.

glitterfairyonachristmastree · 13/12/2006 22:43

Have only read some of these but have to say that last Christmas was the worst thing that has ever happened to me and I have no idea how I got through it. I threw my X out in October after a past which some of you know about.

THis year it will be different. I am moving tomorrow to a new house. Much much smaller but mine and the kids and a new start. My sister is coming up for a whole week and I am having my first stocking since I got married as my X never really did get presents!

I just wanted to say that yes it is still hard and things are not easier between the X and us but still we are going to enjoy ourselves like never before and this year I am not in a complete state. Mamama it really does get easier and easier and it is true that your kids make things so much better even throwing their food over the floor!

Mine have been plotting and scheming with my sister for ages and doing extra jobs for pocket money and my ds wrote to Santa asking for a happy mum! So I am determined that next year wil be my best ever and there are so many huge compensations to some of the lonliness and heartache.