Need advice/ opinions please. I think XP's new partner is

[Aimsmum]

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Aimsmum sorry I hadnt read another post of yours, if this is happening whilst your ex isnt there, then why isnt he there ? and why is passing the care of your precious daughter over to his g/f ?

this makes me shiver actually, in schools, child minders etc etc have to have a CRB check to be around children, yet your ex is trusting your daughter to be looked after by a girl who's history he probably dont know a lot about, and something you know nothing about.

your conscience is telling you something thats why you are trying to arrange this meeting, please act on it

At 21, this girl is an immature kid who just isn't emotionally equipped to be a stepmother by the sounds of it. And your ex is obviously too irresponsible to realise it and leaves your kid with her. One other suggestion - what about suggesting family counselling (all together) as there is obviously a problem which cannot be avoided and will end up with you not sending her to this house. I wouldn't put my children in the care of such a woman and i wouldn't blame you if you didn't.

Could you also take along a couple of books about step-parenting/ building a blended family etc.? To show that you're not trying to be difficult, you want the contact arrangements for your DD to work?

Why the FK do adult men choose to get together with children, eh? And then get surprised when they can't handle being an adult around their own children?

You must be so pissed off and anxious about this, Aimsmum.

it sounds as though you are going out of your way to be reasonable Aimsmum (More so than I would be, I have to say)

You would be well within your rights to stop contact when she is present. I would not allow her near my child, personally, but if you feel you can talk her round, then good for you.

I, personally wouldn't waste my breath tbh. And your ex should be protecting his daughter, not making excuses for this pathetic child of a gf

blimey Aimsmum - you sound wonderful.. if only I had an ounce of your diplomacy!

Think you are handling the whole situation fabulously.

Good luck with it all, hope it works out for you and your dd

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The very fact that she is talking in such terms (calling her a liar to her face) shows that she simply isn't an adult.

You and your XP are dealing with 2 kids here, one of whom is formally and legally an adult. Difficult.

Does your XP understand that his gf is not behaving as an adult, and that that's as much of a problem as anything else (for him as much as his DD)?

As a single parent whose ex is with a girl of 19-he's 31 I too admire the way your dealing with this.So far (touchwood) I've never any of these problems but if I did and the gf wouldn't meet me with ex to discuss it I would seriously have to reconsider his access arrangement.She has (in my opinion) already called your daughter a liar by saying she doesn't want to do it to her face and in your situation I would contact ex and say that unless this situation is sorted out then your previous arrangements regarding him seeing his daughter would be changed,if it was me in that situation it would be either a day visit and for his gf not to have contact wth her at all,if that wasn't upheld then I would let him visit her at my house so I know she wasn't having contact.
In my opinion she wanted to 'play'at being a mummy and after your daughter telling her that wasn't what she wanted has gone all spitefull on her.As for your ex if your dd only sees him once a fortnight then obviously she wants to have attention from him and he should damn well give it to her,and his gf should respect that,afterall I assume she knew he had a daughter when she first got involved with him.

Good luck and I shall watch with interest.

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Oh God I'm so glad I don't have to deal with people like this.

I think you just need to keep emphasising that this is all about trying to solve the problem, AM. Just keep banging on about the fact that DD has a problem, it is not acceptable to ignore it, and it is simply unfair to her, even if she is the most malicious damien-child liar in the world (which I'm presuming she isn't, being a grown up ), not to try to come to some constructive way of solving it.

You know they're talking about giving lone mothers the right to CRB check their new boyfriends? Well this sort of thing makes it look like it's at least as necessary to have the right to make the new girlfriend undertake a basic parenting / how to be an adult exam. Jesus.

I think you're going to wind up challenging his access at all.

Sad b/c your DD loves him, but if he's going to put his bloody girlfriend above her, your DD is better off w/o him.

Much as you don't want to stop your child seeing her Dad I would say she can't go until he gets his backside into gear and sorts this out.

I think your ex is being really irresponsible. He knows there is an issue between his girlfriend and his daughter and any man worth anything would be doing his UTMOST to protect his daughter. Going to watch the football and leaving his daughter with a girl who he knows dislikes her is just such lazy, lazy parenting.

I definitely don't think your dd needs to be anywhere near a meeting between you all; she has said to you what the issues are, the adults don't need her around to say it again. I think she would find any meeting really stressful....But well done to you for keeping your head screwed on and dealing with them so diplomatically. Others are right, the girlfriend is not emotionally mature enough to give anything to your dd because she wants to do all the taking.

Whatever happens, your ex needs to step up and take care of his own child for the limited time that he does have sole responsibility for her. Your child is very young, is coping manfully with living in a split family situation and would probably find it hard even if she had the BEST step mum in the world. She needs her dad to help her now.

Lucky girl that she's got a mum who is making sure things are done to help her..good luck.

I've been thinking about this since last night and one of the things that I'm finding really upsetting is that G's friends joined in with abusing dd at the wedding. The idea that a GROUP of women colluded with this bullying is just awful. OK, they're young but would you have treated a small child like this at 21? Or even at 15, or 11? I can only hope that none of them ever, ever has children.

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TBH if he still wants this woman as a gf, he must be a complete and utter fuckwit.

If someone behaved like that towards my child, I would feel ill. The idea of sharing the same bed with them, would be anathema.

i just want to ask are you a saint aimsmum?? i know i would not react like that and just wanted to compliment your cool head. however in my experience my xp put his gf first and now i operate a zero tolerance policy. some ppl dont appreciate a diplomatic aproach and only understand if u come down a little harder. dont let them take advantage of your good nature. you were the only 1 who believed your dd even tho she has 2 parents. good luck in sorting out this awful situation i really feel for you and ur dd and wish u the best

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good for you. honestly tho i think there are plenty on here and in rl who would like to come with you next thurs and give that g a taste of her medicine. big hugs to dd xxx

I have just read this from the beginning for the first time and have to say

BRAVO AM .. you are doing everything just right

It is a shame that your DD had to go through that, but I think you have really handled it in the best way possible. I really hope that your ex is thinking on this.

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Your dd was very brave to tell her dad what was going on, since she must have picked up on his previous lack of belief. And you, too, have been really brave and strategic over this, Aimsmum. It is beyond me how your ex can carry on seeing this girl now he knows what has been happening, but I'm so glad he is at least listening to his daughter.

Do keep us updated on what happens from here. I'll be thinking of you both.

Aimsmum I totally take my hat off to you at how calmly and controlled you've handled this cause I would have lost it and dragged the cow around by her hair which would have helped noone least of all the child!!! The sheer thought of anyone making my child feel like that makes me angry and upset so to find out its actually happened must have been so shocking and upsetting for you not to mention how your dd felt. All I can say is keep up the top attitude as the bigger person is always the better one (so I'm told not that I always manage it!!!) and you are teaching your dd so much at the moment as well as showing her how much she can depend/rely on you and creating such a strong bond of trust. What a fantastic mum you are