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Original poster

Mediation ?? For an unborn baby

42 replies

Happylittlebee89 · 12/03/2015 17:29

Hello,

I am new to this so not really sure how it works but I am 32 weeks pregnant with my first child the father of my UB ended our relationship when I found out I was pregnant I have had varying levels of contact with him throughout the pregnancy but for the past two weeks nothing ! Today I opened my mail and there was a letter asking me to attend mediation with regards to my unborn baby ! Im slightly confused as my ex partner is saying he wants a dna test and things and I also won't be naming him on the birth certificate is there any need for me to attend mediation before my sons born or can I wait any advice on this matter would be greatly helpful as my heads i. A whirl !! Thank you Smile

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Original poster
Happylittlebee89 · 14/03/2015 10:31

Hello Grays I am not choosing not to have his name on the birth certificate to be bitter I am choosing not to have his name on there as it means if he takes my child without my consent he has legal rights that for 28 days he can take him ! He is the type of person that would use this to his advantage !

I have had to have the police involved with his new partner, his mother and two of his friends as I have been told to kill myself and things all over social media ! I explained to the mediators on the phone that he has denied paternity and that he has caused me nothing but stress and upset throughout pregnancy and that he has had opportunities to attend scans and appointments and has instead choose to go out and drink and take drugs and miss them ! Please tell me why now suddenly he has started to care because it seems to me it's to spite me in some way !!

Also because he is an immature child I have no way of contacting him as he has my number blocked on everything along with me blocked on all forms of social media ! Because I would of happily of asked him if we could have arranged something once our son was born !

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Homepride1 · 14/03/2015 12:08

I wouldn't put him in birth cert either OP you have valid reasons, my baby dad isn't on hers and that was his choice! But I'm glad no he isn't.

With regards to PR all the info I have found out suggest if there is a good reason then PR are not always given and if he he abusive and the police are involved then I think you have good reason to contest this if it got to that stage

totallyjaded · 14/03/2015 12:19

Agree with others in not putting his name on bc too. he is mentally unstable and he will use it as a weapon if he ever gets his hands on the child. My babys dad isn't on bc because he was doing to me exactly what yours is doing to you. A baby has a right to know its dad but that baby also has a right to be loved, nurtured and protected in a safe environment with someone who is a stable influence. I would not contest it if he went to a solicitor and had his name put on there but, I wasn't going to chase him and beg him to put his name on there either. he never asked to be and had no contact with me whatsoever but now he says I've kept him from it. I haven't, I just didn't chase him!! It seems to me that men like this just set you up so when you go chasing you look like the crazy one and people then have sympathy for these poor men playing victim when they were the problem to begin with. Be formal as possible and have no contact at all until you feel ready when the baby is born. do not allow him and his drama to spoil such a lovely experience.

Original poster
Happylittlebee89 · 14/03/2015 14:46

That's exactly as he is making me out he is making out Im totally crazy because obviously at one point I was in love with him and I was heartbroken when he left me so I'll be honest I have begged and pleaded with him to try and things it makes me look silly but he's going round now telling everyone Im a stalker and mental and things ! I have had a really tough pregnancy and this baby is a little miracle to me I was told for 2 solid years I couldn't have children because I suffered from anorexia and I fell pregnant by amazing chance so my son is everything to me and I mean everything !

I just feel very scared I tried to be fair with him throughout this pregnancy by inviting him to scans and appointments I have even said if he attended the sure start classes he could be present at the birth but he refused ! I feel totally at a loss as to what to do because it's breaking my heart knowing eventually court are going to give this man that has told me he doesn't even know if he will love his baby because he doesn't want him access to him ! Thank you for all your replies I do really appreciate it Smile

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totallyjaded · 14/03/2015 15:04

Don't feel at a loss you've been more than fair. You can't do anymore and you shouldn't do anymore. It is messing with your head. Have no contact at all until you feel ready after the baby is born. He might just give up and go away. Wait until he contacts you again and tell him you will be in touch when the baby is born but you think its best for all concerned that you don't communicate until then. Leave it at that and ignore any attempts to get round you or any nastiness. Just keep any messages. Hugs x

Original poster
Happylittlebee89 · 14/03/2015 15:28

Thank you so much coming on here has really helped me ! Yes I think it's best for me to not speak to him again because he plays games with me and with only 7 weeks to go my hormones are all over anyway ! X

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MrsJacksonAvery · 14/03/2015 15:39

I agree with others - don't put him on the birth cert. Do you want to be asking his permission for the next 18yrs to take your child abroad, deciding in schools etc? The mother's/father's names are only on the longer version of the birth certs. Surely, by the time a child might see their full certificate, they will be of an age where you can explain why their father's name isn't on there.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 14/03/2015 16:21

I wouldn't even bother telling a man who had expressed that he did not believe he was the child's father when the child concerned was born.

Why would you and how would that conversation even go?

"Oh by the way I had a baby the one you say isn't yours" why would it be any of his business

totallyjaded · 14/03/2015 19:34

Keep talking Happy it does help

Original poster
Happylittlebee89 · 16/03/2015 18:27

Thank you to everyone for your help !! I rang the mediation people today and advised them this late into my pregnancy I do not want to attend until at least 6 weeks after my baby was born ! They agreed ! Thank God ! Been in hospital today because I keep fainting sure it's because of all the stress from this so thank you everyone for your help x

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AKnickerfulOfMenace · 16/03/2015 18:46

That is good. Now please take care! Have they checked your iron levels? Are you on course for The Tablets That Give You Black Poo??

Original poster
Happylittlebee89 · 16/03/2015 19:17

No idea no bloods were taking at assessment unit today but I have an emergency scan in the morning at 11am to check on baby and I also have placenta Praevia so think they want to check that aswell !! So much stress can't wait till this little ones here x

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ThinkIveBeenHacked · 16/03/2015 19:25

I would email and state "There will be no further contact from me until after the birth of our child. I will then notify you of his birth and invite you to attend the registry office when I fill in his paperwork. Should you still be questioning the parentage, and wish to have a DNA test then you will not be invited to the Registry Office, and you must notify me in writing of your request for a DNA test. I shall send word of the birth in due course. OP"

AKnickerfulOfMenace · 16/03/2015 19:29

I would not invite him to the registration. He will doubtless be obstructive re the name.

Starlightbright1 · 16/03/2015 19:31

Well glad it is sorted... I would put him out of your mind and concentrate on you and the little one.

THinkI'vebeenHacked...Op has said he isn't going on birth certificate

totallyjaded · 17/03/2015 09:36

I would wait until I get a letter again. I wouldn't chase it up at all. Sounds like its all a game to him

Original poster
Happylittlebee89 · 17/03/2015 19:03

I have seen my solicitor today and she has advised me I don't have to attend mediation and they have been rang and informed I won't be attending i said I will see how I feel after ive had the baby as to wether or not I'll attend but they advised me they will have to tell my ex partner that I am unwilling to go and that its upto him as to wether he issued the court papers because I won't attend ?? i had a scan today and they advised me that I need to rest and take it easy and I have another scan in 3 weeks to determine wether or not they will be delivering him at 38 weeks I just want to cut myself off from the outside world now because I need to be stress free ! And totallyjaded he likes to play games the whole time I was in a relationship with him it was a game and unfortunately my unborn sons life is now all about getting one up on me Hmm

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