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Lone parents

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Original poster

beyond tired, beyond messy, beyond me

78 replies

cauliflowerfairy · 15/01/2015 19:09

I can't cope. I can't even move in my flat. There is not one square inch clean. In tired, no support, two kids. Need a break so desperately but it can't happen. My life is over the house is so best in scared I'd be jailed if anyone saw don't know where to start

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Cookiecake · 16/01/2015 13:37

Cauliflower, really do not think you are the only one, you have a lot to cope with and it's understandable that cleaning and tidying isn't a top priority. I always do find it amazing how quick a room can go from very clean to a complete tip.

Original poster
cauliflowerfairy · 16/01/2015 13:42

Yes cookiecake you're right it can! I think iam unique in the level it gets to before I sort it though as I live in another world half the time. Never seen anyone who lets the house get so bad except on tv! And my mothers was squalid that didn't help. I am talking,weevils caked on dirt squalid, I'm not that bad. Yet.

Been tidying round with the sole aim of having a flat that social workers would not baulk at, if they saw it. Its been working better than asking for perfection. The house is not clean but you can walk in it.

Your messages all have helped lift the burden of self loathing n hopelessness n isolation that was weighing me down !

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Blakey3166 · 16/01/2015 19:11

Now cauliflower fairy, you gave me some great advice and input yesterday about cutting myself some slack - so you definatly need to heed it too! I think it must be a little post Xmas/cabin fever/weather blues mixed in too as I feel exactly the same.
I have no magical advice except to wave fist in solidarity that I feel your pain!!
Coffee an cake anyone?!?! Xx big hugs xx

Original poster
cauliflowerfairy · 16/01/2015 22:21

Awwww Blakey thank you! Us single mums, we are all thankless supergirls in some way! But you are just incredible, wish I had half that oomph! You need to hear what a great job you are doing. Nobody to make us a nice cuppa n rub our feet, tell us we are loved after a hard day.

And yes I was just thinking that today, after Xmas houses are bound to be messy with all the extra gifts n hols chaod etc. House feels a lot better now and I didn't kill myself tidying... So grateful for all the support on here!xxx

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TtipParty · 16/01/2015 22:36

I know how you feel. I really do.

My only tip goes like this - I say to myself, or the kids 'Right, I'm now going to pick up 10 things'. and then I pick up 10 things and put them away and sometimes that gives me the motivation to pick up another 10 thing. And if those 10 things are in a confined space, you can then look back at the 2 clear square foot of floor and think 'I did that'

Sometimes I do the same with washing up - how exciting is my life?

Original poster
cauliflowerfairy · 16/01/2015 22:50

Hahaha! I love those kind of games :) used to follow flylady - setting timers etc - it is amazing how much you can achieve in 15 minutes! Some of us need to be a bit creative to get tidied.i so envy those born organised !

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BlackeyedSusan · 16/01/2015 22:55

also loan parent to two children one who has autism and can be violent. he certainly rampages and in a small flat with too much stuff this causes havoc.

Original poster
cauliflowerfairy · 16/01/2015 23:08

Thanks Susan I can relate to every word of that. It really demotivates you. If its already a tip I don't get as annoyed when he turns things upside down I find !!

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BlackeyedSusan · 16/01/2015 23:19

I have been whining about it on no less than three threads (two here one elsewhere but not glittery and sparkly)

it is demotivating when you do some tiding but themn ds comes along and tips up the bin and the cotents are scattered through the flat in no time. I also find i need a rest after dealing with one of his meltdowns.

afreshstartplease · 17/01/2015 08:49

Hi op how are you doing today?

Original poster
cauliflowerfairy · 17/01/2015 09:14

Blackeyedsusan - wow I thought my son was the only one - it is unbearable isn't it. On Xmas day it got to the point that I literally had to bag up every single toy and book in his room to stop then being destroyed or thrown at me. I've since cut wheat and sugar out of his diet and it is helping but he still has his moments

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Original poster
cauliflowerfairy · 17/01/2015 09:16

A fresh start - I'm ok thanks for asking! House rapidly deteriorating, son having huge tantrum, I want to hide :-( still it was heaven waking up and and being able to walk through the room and hall without a map, compass n protective boots! How are you?

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afreshstartplease · 17/01/2015 09:18

I am good

I am tackling the kitchen currently

I have three dc but no real challenging behaviour luckily

I need to find homes for things I think that's my problem I seem to have a pile of stuff in my kitchen that just gets moved around without being put away

Original poster
cauliflowerfairy · 17/01/2015 09:25

Who am I kidding its still a mess. But unlike most weekends I don't now feel imprisoned in it. And the curtains are open for once!

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afreshstartplease · 17/01/2015 09:25

Curtains open is good. Get some natural light in.

Original poster
cauliflowerfairy · 17/01/2015 09:27

Awww 3 kids wow that is plenty challenging!!! Get some music on n blitz that kitchen! I will do the same, in solidarity. When I wake up....

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Original poster
cauliflowerfairy · 17/01/2015 09:29

Can relate on the pile of stuff scenario too! Do you need it all? Take pics of it every 5 mins as you sort through it!

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afreshstartplease · 17/01/2015 09:51

I've started sorting through it

Some in the bin
Some put away

A small pile still remains

Holliewantstobehot · 17/01/2015 10:08

Waving hand in the air and admitting to a scuzzy house here too! My ds has dyspraxia and is on the waiting list to be assessed for asd. We moved 9 weeks ago and the.house is a tip. My ds is also violent and the house move has really upset him - last night was the first night in a week he went to sleep before midnight. I find the emotional side of dealing with his behaviour the hardest and mst tiring. I don't get on with the house as i am trying to wear him out and i don't like to leave him alone with his sister just in case. This leaves me with the 6 hours they are at school on the two days i dont work to do all the shopping and cleaning but in reality i'm so tired i slump on the sofa. I am seriously considering giving up work if i can qualify for carers allowance as i feel physically ill alot of the time just from the lack of sleep and trying to get through the day. No advice but you are not alone in this.

afreshstartplease · 17/01/2015 10:33

That sounds really difficult hollie

Hats off to you ladies dealing with such challenging behaviour

BlackeyedSusan · 17/01/2015 11:20

I am up. children got up eartly. ds played on the computer... this is god as he is not making a mess. dd is clearing up her mess... (scattered loom bands.)

I feed ds to help his mood.

someone suggested making sure they are hydrated as well.

omega three... no proof but someone thinks it may help, and as it is not harmful then they get to eat a lot of fish.

some official person visited unexpectedly when it was a tip and suggested that autistic children like a calm enviromment.. obviously not enough not to fuck up the environment in the first place.

anyway, I am glad I have found someone who has the same level of mess as I do and similar challenges, though yours sounds like he can make more of a mess.

Original poster
cauliflowerfairy · 17/01/2015 11:23

Fresh start - WELL DONE!!!!! I'm sat on sofa with a blanket, just trying to summon the energy to get to costa for a coffee. Poor kids!

Hollie - that sounds like a nightmare, you need to hear how amazing you are to be coping, what a lioness!! I can relate, the 2 mile walk to n from school takes it out of me (I don't work) I have nothing left by time o get home- you have to be proud of yourself for every single little achievement. It is emotionally and physically draining dealing with this type of thing alone. Sometimes I just want to put earplugs in n hide but you can't if your daughter is at risk (mine is too I have to watch them constantly)

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Original poster
cauliflowerfairy · 17/01/2015 11:27

Hey Susan! Sorry I lol'd about the "not enough not to make a mess in the first place" - too right!!!
Someone suggested I should go minimalist, I laughed
Aww I am glad to have found someone messy too! Yes my son turns everything upside down, doesn't help that he witnessed my violent ex doing the same over six months at an impressionable age

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BlackeyedSusan · 17/01/2015 11:39

minimilist..... oh dear... that nearly led to pelvic floor failure... oh that is going to keep me entertained all day.

you need space to be minimilist. lots of space for built in cupboards and storage. lots of space to spread out the stuff in cupboards to look neat and tidy. and lots of time to keep on top of it all.

AliceinWinterWonderland · 17/01/2015 11:49

I'm also a lone parent with 2 dcs. My older dc has asd/adhd, and my younger has SNs. It can be so isolating and stressful sometimes, and keeping up with the house can be a real nightmare some days. I have found that once I start getting a couple small things done, it spurs me on to do more. It's that "getting started" that overwhelms me sometimes. No down time other than school, as my ex was abusive and rarely sees the dcs (and even when he does, I am there to supervise as it's in a public place).

I try to do little things, like making sure if I go upstairs that I take anything that I can carry that needs to go upstairs (same with downstairs). Put things away as I go as much as humanly possible. When the dcs are playing with toys in the bath, I'm trying to either put away clothing (older dc - although I still have to keep checking him and leave door open) or cleaning the bathroom sink/toilet/floor (while younger dc in bath). I don't really get AHEAD of things, just trying to keep up IYSWIM.

So many things I'd like to get done that I just can't because I can't leave them unsupervised at all. It means that I don't get nearly as much done as I'd like on the weekends, and can only really get things done after they're in bed or while they're in school.