Would my daughter call me mum ?

[Krissy1980]

Hi

I am a transgender single dad who is going through the transition to being a woman, there is another thread I started that explains it all.

My daughter has not seen me as a woman even though physically I am very feminine due to hormones, I still live as a man. However I am hoping to make the change in the next few months. But what would my daughter call me ? Would she call me mum ? I would like her to but she's only nearly 6 and I don't know if it would be to strange for her ?

Krissy x

[IneedAwittierNickname]

Good luck

[Krissy1980]

Thanks everyone, im over the moon :) its all gone so well i can hardly believe it. I picked my dd up from school and did what i normally do and wait in the car. I just had on my jeans and a long womans jumper, it was very cold today lol. I had my hair down and a tiny bit of make up. I felt i needed it today but not much, mascara and lipgloss and some tinted moisturiser. The fist thing my dd did was get in the car and gave me a kiss and then started giggling at me. She then said something like you look like a girl daddy. I laughed and said i know and that i wanted to tell her a secret and have a talk. She was completely normal in the car journey home.

When i got out the car with her she could see my outfit but never said anything she was fine. When we got in we sat down and had a drink and she was still giggling at me which i was totally fine with and seen as a good sign, she felt comfortable.

So i said how do i look ? she replied like a girl but silly lol i then said that daddy is going to look and be more like a girl from now on, are you ok with that ? she replied yes, she was pre occupied with the tv remote at this point lol then i said that are you really ok. She said yes, are you still a man ? you have boobies and look like a girl, are you still my daddy ? my heart sunk a little bit here to be honest. So i told her that i would always be daddy and always be here, and that sometimes men want to be girls to make them happy. She seemed to understand this and said you make a good girl daddy lol. She gave me a massive hug and we cuddled for a bit. I said to her do you want to call me daddy still ? she pulled a funny face and then said yes what else would i call you ? i told her that some people when we where out might not understand you calling me daddy because i look like a girl. She pulled more thinking faces and hand on chin lol she does this. I said when we are out why dont you call me Dee which could be a special dad name ? she seemed to like this and agreed and she has called me it all night up to now lol its strange.

But all in all we have a long way to go but im so relieved at how its gone, ive had nightmares about this for a long time. Today is the day i start living my life as a woman for good :) im going work as a the real me tomorrow as well, see how that goes. No more strapping and hiding my boobs, no more pony tail and rubbish hair, im going to get it done :) no more baggy horrible mens clothes, thats it im done. Ive got a lot to learn about being a woman but it all starts here.

I have to say i owe a lot of you on here a huge thanks, coming on here has given me confidence that theres alot of people out there that will accept me and thats what i needed to hear, so thanks everyone for being so kind. I really hope to speak to you all more and maybe get to know you, and i could definitely do with some female advice and help if anyone is willing ?

Thanks again
Krissy x

[yellowsnownoteatwillyou]

Well done on the huge first step you have done today, I hope everything works out, there will be set backs along the road but there are in anyone's life so just keep going.

[purpleroses]

That's lovely to hear - "dee" sounds great - it's like half of dad-dee but it also happens to be a woman's name (or could easily be a man's nickname - as in "D" short for Dave, etc) so she wouldn't get funny looks if she called you that in public.

Good luck. Do remember Mumsnet is public though won't you? - anyone can search and read your posts, including people you know in real life - most people don't use their real names, or mention names of people in real life. You might just want to change names a bit if you want to post things you wouldn't want anyone to read. Regular posters will tend to spot it's you anyway.

[SezaMcGregor]

Lovely to see you've had some positive talks with your daughter Krissy :-). Wasn't it National Trans week last week too?

I'm just really glad you're attitude is so positive at the moment.

It's a difficult thing to talk to people and children about because you're not doing it because it makes you happy per se but because it's what feels natural to you and being a man was pretending to e something that you're not. Being a man was good, because it allowed you to have DD but now that it's just you two and you're able to live the life that you want with her, it's given you the opportunity to be who you've kept bottled up inside you.

It's a good time to be able to talk about being true to yourself and doing things because you feel it's right, not to be cool or to impress people.

I dare say that it's going to be a hard time for both of you and your DD needs to know that she can talk to you about any thing any time she needs to.

But, this is a great starting point. My friend had to live as a woman for 2 years before surgery and has ongoing counselling. She has just self published a book about her transition which you may find interesting https://www.amazon.co.uk/From-The-Edge-transition-travelled-ebook/dp/B00N5UAPMA?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

Sezam :-)

[Krissy1980]

Thank ladies its all very strange tonight, very good but strange. My DD seems very happy and we seem closer than ever, I've spent so long hiding myself that its like pure freedom at the minute, I've painted my nails for work, I'm wearing some pjs I got months ago but never worn because there very girly. Even though my daughter was aware of my female body shape I've always tried to cover it up and hide it from here as much as possible,but now I feel I no longer need to hide. I'm going to her school to speak to her teacher and headmaster tomorrow to explain the situation, I'm a little scared but so excited ??

Krissy x

[RoseyHope]

I'm so pleased it went so well for you! I hope it is a huge weight off your shoulders to get that first step done. Please do let us know how it goes at work tomorrow :)

[RoseyHope]

Oops, x-post, and at school tomorrow too! I'm very happy for you. May your new freedom and confidence continue to help you through your journey ahead :)

[Krissy1980]

Thanks roseyhope, I've already hit my first hiccup regarding work, I having nothing suitable to wear, I work in a sales office so normally I wear trousers and a shirt and a jumper over the top, I dont have any female clothes smart enough, I have one black jumper top but its low cut, not sure I've got the guts to wear it yet, so I dont know what I'm going to do.

Thanks again hun
Krissy x

[RoseyHope]

Hm, do you have any blouses/cardigans? Could wear the same trousers and go for a shirt with a cardy over top. If not, probably just have to wear what you already have for tomorrow then. Don't let it discourage you, it's not going to be the 100% switch you were hoping for, but you could pop out at lunch or after and pick some nice things up. :)

[Krissy1980]

I do have a nice white woman's shirt but I got it over a year ago and I cant fit in it now, it gapes open on the chest, not a good look, I have an hour before I go in work, I guess I could go and pick something up, I normally shop online, I need some women's shoes for work as well. Thank you

Krissy x

[RoseyHope]

I don't suppose it's that type of office!

That's fine then, a quick dash to M&S or the like and you'll be right as rain. Change in the loo!

Good luck :)

[yellowsnownoteatwillyou]

Just as the loo comment was mentioned made me think of something that my friends were all ftm trans, so the loo problem was more daunting especially in gay bars. Have you spoken to your work about this or are you going to use the disabled one, which is another issue on mumsnet.

[Krissy1980]

Lol to be honest the office is pretty laid back, some of the girls wear some pretty funky stuff. I think its just me, not sure how id feel showing cleavage, I have a big bust and I'm a little self conscious of them, I'm not sure how I would look to the others in the office lol they all must know I've got boobs though I've not really been able to hide them for a while, just no one has said anything.

Krissy x

[jedishelly1]

So glad to hear everything went so well with your daughter! Kids are amazing, aren't they? Hope tomorrow goes equally well for you x

[purpleroses]

A vest top underneath a low cut top in a good way to make it suitable for work I find.

[Thumbwitch]

So pleased to hear how well it went with your DD - I hope it's just as good at work and the school for you x

[ScrambledEggAndToast]

As TtipParty said, do it gradually. Most mum's/women generally dress casually day to day anyway. You can just swop into women's cut jeans and a more fitted top rather than going right in there with a dress, particularly as it's winter. Perhaps, start off small and move towards the really girlie stuff like dresses and skirts over time so your DD has a chance to get used to the new you.

[Krissy1980]

Hi everyone, my first day as a woman has been interesting. I went and spoke to my daughters teacher to explain things today. She was very nice and understanding, she said she would keep an eye open to check my DD was ok with everything, and report any problems to me. She said there might be some confusion with the other children and some teasing could happen, but its a good age for the children to accept things, they have alot fewer prejudices and preconceptions. It put my mind at ease a little.

Next my work, this was very nerve racking for me and scary. I walked in early to speak to my manager first, she was not at all shocked and said she kind of knew quite a while ago and was pleased I had finally come out so to speak. Its a fairly small office of about 15 people. When they started coming in I was outside having a cigarette and a coffee, when they seen me it was not what I expected at all. A lot of them greated me with smiles and jokes and a few hugs, apparently they all knew pretty much ages ago and everyone was waiting for me to actually come out. They had all noticed how much id changed over the past couple of years and there was a fair few jokes about my boobs that apparently everyone had noticed along time ago even though id tried so hard to hide them, it made me feel a bit stupid really, I felt they had all been talking about me behind my back. But overall it was good. A couple in the office are a little funny with me but they have been for ages anyway, just more so now. My boss made a intro for me and welcomed me as krissy to the office, all very surreal but it was quite nice, I felt accepted. I have to have a talk tomorrow with our hr department to discuss things. It was also decided that I could use the women's toilets, none of the girls minded. And we don't have a disabled anyway so it would have been awkward if they said no lol.

All in all its been draining but so good to finally be the real me, still got along way to go though. I have all to learn about myself and being a woman.

krissy x

[IneedAwittierNickname]

Glad it's all going so well for you Krissy X

[Thumbwitch]

Oh it sounds like everything is working out really well for you Krissy - so pleased for you!

[RoseyHope]

Sounds like things are going really well. The responses you've gotten are great.

I think you shouldn't worry too much about the others in the office; it was probably a natural thing for them to talk to each other about the changes they saw rather than asking you when you weren't ready. Feel proud of yourself, not stupid! And you know you're always going to meet people like the couple who are off with you. It's an easy way to know who not to invite out for drinks

[BeesHaveNoxiousKnees]

Well done, Krissy! Logged in today just to see how you and DD are doing. Agree with RoseyHope, people will always talk but it's not always mean so ignore the few close-minded idjits. Keep us posted.

[yellowsnownoteatwillyou]

Well done! Glad everything is going well.

[campingfilth]

Well done and glad that it has been a fairly easy transition. xxxx