Would my daughter call me mum ?

[Krissy1980]

Hi

I am a transgender single dad who is going through the transition to being a woman, there is another thread I started that explains it all.

My daughter has not seen me as a woman even though physically I am very feminine due to hormones, I still live as a man. However I am hoping to make the change in the next few months. But what would my daughter call me ? Would she call me mum ? I would like her to but she's only nearly 6 and I don't know if it would be to strange for her ?

Krissy x

[campingfilth]

Have you contacted any local LGBT groups for support and to find other transgendered women?

You will, I'm afraid, experience a lot of nasty shit but stay strong and eventually they will move onto the next thing. Plus people will stop seeing you as the man you were and the woman you now are.

I would avoid getting into any fights at the school gates as that will put people off far more than you being a woman. If I saw anyone fighting at the school gates I would be seriously rethinking my DS friendship with the family and it would having nothing to do with them being transgendered. Keep the moral high ground and let the nasty shit wash over you. Very hard I know.

[Krissy1980]

Hi everyone

Thanks for all the support, its been a hard week and im finding being a woman very hard. Having to do a daily make up routine and find clothes that fit me and find my image is really difficult.

Some people have started to shy away from me now and some are just horrible. I had a big argument with one of my dds friends dad the other day at the school because he does not want my dd playing with his daughter, now this really upset me. My daughter has been very excepting of me and if anything we have been closer than ever since i begun living as a woman.

I am still waiting for my appointment at the hospital with a gender specialist but i feel i need help with day to day stuff, just having no female friends really makes things hard as i have no one to help or give me advice, or go shopping with. No matter how much my body has changed from the hormones being a convincing women is hard :(

Krissy x

[campingfilth]

Well done and glad that it has been a fairly easy transition. xxxx

[yellowsnownoteatwillyou]

Well done! Glad everything is going well.

[BeesHaveNoxiousKnees]

Well done, Krissy! Logged in today just to see how you and DD are doing. Agree with RoseyHope, people will always talk but it's not always mean so ignore the few close-minded idjits. Keep us posted.

[RoseyHope]

Sounds like things are going really well. The responses you've gotten are great.

I think you shouldn't worry too much about the others in the office; it was probably a natural thing for them to talk to each other about the changes they saw rather than asking you when you weren't ready. Feel proud of yourself, not stupid! And you know you're always going to meet people like the couple who are off with you. It's an easy way to know who not to invite out for drinks

[Thumbwitch]

Oh it sounds like everything is working out really well for you Krissy - so pleased for you!

[IneedAwittierNickname]

Glad it's all going so well for you Krissy X

[Krissy1980]

Hi everyone, my first day as a woman has been interesting. I went and spoke to my daughters teacher to explain things today. She was very nice and understanding, she said she would keep an eye open to check my DD was ok with everything, and report any problems to me. She said there might be some confusion with the other children and some teasing could happen, but its a good age for the children to accept things, they have alot fewer prejudices and preconceptions. It put my mind at ease a little.

Next my work, this was very nerve racking for me and scary. I walked in early to speak to my manager first, she was not at all shocked and said she kind of knew quite a while ago and was pleased I had finally come out so to speak. Its a fairly small office of about 15 people. When they started coming in I was outside having a cigarette and a coffee, when they seen me it was not what I expected at all. A lot of them greated me with smiles and jokes and a few hugs, apparently they all knew pretty much ages ago and everyone was waiting for me to actually come out. They had all noticed how much id changed over the past couple of years and there was a fair few jokes about my boobs that apparently everyone had noticed along time ago even though id tried so hard to hide them, it made me feel a bit stupid really, I felt they had all been talking about me behind my back. But overall it was good. A couple in the office are a little funny with me but they have been for ages anyway, just more so now. My boss made a intro for me and welcomed me as krissy to the office, all very surreal but it was quite nice, I felt accepted. I have to have a talk tomorrow with our hr department to discuss things. It was also decided that I could use the women's toilets, none of the girls minded. And we don't have a disabled anyway so it would have been awkward if they said no lol.

All in all its been draining but so good to finally be the real me, still got along way to go though. I have all to learn about myself and being a woman.

krissy x

[ScrambledEggAndToast]

As TtipParty said, do it gradually. Most mum's/women generally dress casually day to day anyway. You can just swop into women's cut jeans and a more fitted top rather than going right in there with a dress, particularly as it's winter. Perhaps, start off small and move towards the really girlie stuff like dresses and skirts over time so your DD has a chance to get used to the new you.

[Thumbwitch]

So pleased to hear how well it went with your DD - I hope it's just as good at work and the school for you x

[purpleroses]

A vest top underneath a low cut top in a good way to make it suitable for work I find.

[jedishelly1]

So glad to hear everything went so well with your daughter! Kids are amazing, aren't they? Hope tomorrow goes equally well for you x

[Krissy1980]

Lol to be honest the office is pretty laid back, some of the girls wear some pretty funky stuff. I think its just me, not sure how id feel showing cleavage, I have a big bust and I'm a little self conscious of them, I'm not sure how I would look to the others in the office lol they all must know I've got boobs though I've not really been able to hide them for a while, just no one has said anything.

Krissy x

[yellowsnownoteatwillyou]

Just as the loo comment was mentioned made me think of something that my friends were all ftm trans, so the loo problem was more daunting especially in gay bars. Have you spoken to your work about this or are you going to use the disabled one, which is another issue on mumsnet.

[RoseyHope]

I don't suppose it's that type of office!

That's fine then, a quick dash to M&S or the like and you'll be right as rain. Change in the loo!

Good luck :)

[Krissy1980]

I do have a nice white woman's shirt but I got it over a year ago and I cant fit in it now, it gapes open on the chest, not a good look, I have an hour before I go in work, I guess I could go and pick something up, I normally shop online, I need some women's shoes for work as well. Thank you

Krissy x

[RoseyHope]

Hm, do you have any blouses/cardigans? Could wear the same trousers and go for a shirt with a cardy over top. If not, probably just have to wear what you already have for tomorrow then. Don't let it discourage you, it's not going to be the 100% switch you were hoping for, but you could pop out at lunch or after and pick some nice things up. :)

[Krissy1980]

Thanks roseyhope, I've already hit my first hiccup regarding work, I having nothing suitable to wear, I work in a sales office so normally I wear trousers and a shirt and a jumper over the top, I dont have any female clothes smart enough, I have one black jumper top but its low cut, not sure I've got the guts to wear it yet, so I dont know what I'm going to do.

Thanks again hun
Krissy x

[RoseyHope]

Oops, x-post, and at school tomorrow too! I'm very happy for you. May your new freedom and confidence continue to help you through your journey ahead :)

[RoseyHope]

I'm so pleased it went so well for you! I hope it is a huge weight off your shoulders to get that first step done. Please do let us know how it goes at work tomorrow :)

[Krissy1980]

Thank ladies its all very strange tonight, very good but strange. My DD seems very happy and we seem closer than ever, I've spent so long hiding myself that its like pure freedom at the minute, I've painted my nails for work, I'm wearing some pjs I got months ago but never worn because there very girly. Even though my daughter was aware of my female body shape I've always tried to cover it up and hide it from here as much as possible,but now I feel I no longer need to hide. I'm going to her school to speak to her teacher and headmaster tomorrow to explain the situation, I'm a little scared but so excited ??

Krissy x

[SezaMcGregor]

Lovely to see you've had some positive talks with your daughter Krissy :-). Wasn't it National Trans week last week too?

I'm just really glad you're attitude is so positive at the moment.

It's a difficult thing to talk to people and children about because you're not doing it because it makes you happy per se but because it's what feels natural to you and being a man was pretending to e something that you're not. Being a man was good, because it allowed you to have DD but now that it's just you two and you're able to live the life that you want with her, it's given you the opportunity to be who you've kept bottled up inside you.

It's a good time to be able to talk about being true to yourself and doing things because you feel it's right, not to be cool or to impress people.

I dare say that it's going to be a hard time for both of you and your DD needs to know that she can talk to you about any thing any time she needs to.

But, this is a great starting point. My friend had to live as a woman for 2 years before surgery and has ongoing counselling. She has just self published a book about her transition which you may find interesting https://www.amazon.co.uk/From-The-Edge-transition-travelled-ebook/dp/B00N5UAPMA?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

Sezam :-)

[purpleroses]

That's lovely to hear - "dee" sounds great - it's like half of dad-dee but it also happens to be a woman's name (or could easily be a man's nickname - as in "D" short for Dave, etc) so she wouldn't get funny looks if she called you that in public.

Good luck. Do remember Mumsnet is public though won't you? - anyone can search and read your posts, including people you know in real life - most people don't use their real names, or mention names of people in real life. You might just want to change names a bit if you want to post things you wouldn't want anyone to read. Regular posters will tend to spot it's you anyway.

[yellowsnownoteatwillyou]

Well done on the huge first step you have done today, I hope everything works out, there will be set backs along the road but there are in anyone's life so just keep going.