My husband has left me and our 3 children this weekend totally shocked

[Isabellawmids2006]

On Saturday my husband rang me whilst he was at a children's party with one of our three children he told me he didn't love or fancy me anymore and there was nothing I have done or could do.
Our children are 2 years 6 years and 8 years I am so shocked I gave up my well paid job in march to be at home for the children more and to support his career more as he needed to work away. I feel disgusted about myself that he does not find me attractive I thought we had the perfect life and a fantastic future. I am so worried about what will happen to our lovely mortgaged house as there would be no money left to support him so what will happen to us I feel so sick :(
There was no indication he would do this apart fro he has lost loads of weight and is obsessed by his appearance but denies seeing anyone

[Ledkr]

I agree about not having him carry on as normal.
Great for him but not for you and as you seem to have been left to care for the children then it's you who matters the most.

In fact, I recommend an almost total break from him (which you kind of are at your brothers) as little contact as possible.
This helped me tremendously, I even got my sister to hand over the children to him. Gave me time to think and heal a little.

I did feel like a big old useless lump for a while after but you quickly realise it's not you and I went on to marry someone ten years younger and pretty gorgeous so I can't of been that bad.

It's so scary facing your new and unexpected future but it can also be a fresh start.
Life is hard as a single mum but it can also be more fun and quite relaxed when it's just you and them.
Sunday mornings cuddled up in bed watching tv, pizza nights with a movie.
You can do this of course with a dh but somehow you do it more when it's just you.
I had so much fun once I felt better, did so many good things with my friends and their children.
You will get there, you sound very strong.

[CharlieBee]

Hi OP, so sorry for what you're going through. I can echo what the other posters have said, that you will get through it and emerge stronger at the other end. I have, and I was very dependent on my ex previously. Very painful process though and you do need to look after yourself. Focus on the children and being strong for them, but also give yourself time to grieve for your marriage and the life you thought you would have. Hugs.

Anyway, 2 pieces of advice from me - if you haven't already you can apply for tax credits if you're not working and he's moved out. I found it reassuring to have some money coming in not dependent on ex, in case he was difficult about stuff.

Also (and this is prob just me being paranoid) what you said about him texting you about taking the kids away from him, and it sounding like not his own words. Rings warning bells to me. My friend had this - long emails in strange language bemoaning how unreasonable she was being in terms of contact with the children (she wasn't). He is now starting court proceedings to try and get residency and presumably is hoping to use some of the emails as evidence that she is obstructive or something. I really don't want to frighten you, as this is probably not at all in his mind. Friend's ex is a nasty manipulative man, for whom this court action is a continuation of his emotional abuse of her. However as a precaution (and a previous poster mentioned this) I would try and communicate via email about the children as much as possible and make sure that you are always seen to be reasonable and rational and putting the children's needs first, and keep all the emails.

Hope you are doing ok today, xxxx

[AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore]

OP, you say you remortgaged in August to borrow another 60K for an extension that is now cancelled? Is the money safeguarded?

[ShouldISellTheHouse]

How are you doing OP?