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Original poster

What happens if I sign the child benefit over to ex?

45 replies

DollyTwat · 03/07/2014 18:51

There is a massive back story as to why ds1 is currently staying at his dads house, but not sure it's relevant to my question. I'll try to keep it short

Ds1 decided he would try out living with his dad for a bit, he's been displaying some extreme behaviour towards me, and I think as his dad hadn't bothered much for the past 9 years, he wanted to see wHat it was like. Probably the main cause if his behaviour has been the awful way his dad has behaved.

Yes it was heartbreaking but I said fine, if that's what you need to do. My ex had always been ea and has made my life hell for the last 9 years. No financial contribution to the dc and arrears of csa of £2,500

So Ds1 has been there 5 weeks, ex wants me to sign over his child benefit and I feel it's too soon and that we need to give it at least 3 months to make such a permanent decision. Also I suspect that ex's motive for wanting ds1 there is that he is worth a lot in benefits to him (he doesn't work).

So what else am I signing over if I agree, he's saying it's easy to sign it back if ds1 comes back, but I'm scared that I'll have given him more than that and he'll be able to make decisions that I won't be happy with

I don't trust him at all, but I'm being put under pressure to sign it over. Does anyone know the legalities?

OP posts:
PatriciaHolm · 03/07/2014 18:58

I would be tempted to say no, you are not even contemplating signing it over until the amount paid to you reaches the £2500 you are owed by him…

The address the child benefit goes to establishes the child's main residence, so for example you were applying to secondary school, it would be his address used.(no idea how old DS is).

LadySybilLikesCake · 03/07/2014 19:01

Once he receives the child benefit, he'll be entitled to all of the other ones too - housing benefit, child tax credit, income support (depending upon how old your child is). As he'll receive all of these, you'll be left with JSA unless you're working. It will also be an absolute PITA to get these benefits back. He'll also be able to claim maintenance from you. Don't forget council/housing association property. As he's he has a child living with him he may get bumped up the housing list. The council require proof that a child is living with him, which is usually a letter to say he's in receipt of child tax credit and child benefit.

Saltedcaramel2014 · 03/07/2014 19:02

I agree with Patricia - how can he justify asking you for more money when he essentially owes you £2500? Cheeky b*gger

Original poster
DollyTwat · 03/07/2014 19:27

Ds1 is 12 and yes he's worth a lot in benefits to my ex
I work and have ds2 with me

If ds1 is going to live there permanently then it makes sense, but it feels wrong to be doing this so soon. There have been a few arguments at ex's and ds1 has said he wants to come home. I've said he needs to sort out whatever has happened first, or we'll get him running between us forever.

Ex wanted to put him into care after one of these rows, after I told him he'd be laughed at, it was a parenting issue and that he needed to stop threatening ds1 with this.

I don't want him living there, but he's become violent toward me and I think he's probably benefitting from having a male around (wish it wast my ex) and there's little I can do if ds1 really wants to live there

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Original poster
DollyTwat · 03/07/2014 19:28

So just to be clear. I work and own my own house and don't claim anything other than cb. He's in a council flat and claims everything

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sanfairyanne · 03/07/2014 19:36

how about seeing how it goes over the summer, as a 'holiday' rather than permanent residence
no way i would rush to sign over any benefits!!

Original poster
DollyTwat · 03/07/2014 19:39

I'm not fussed about the money as it's not a huge amount to me, it's the legalities surrounding ds1 legally living there that bother me. And if he's worth so much to my ex, he's not going to just sign it back if ds1 comes back is he?

He's been so devious and nasty in the past I just don't trust him. He could presumably start claiming csa off me?

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Original poster
DollyTwat · 03/07/2014 19:41

That sounded wrong, I do need the money I'm not earning a lot, but that's not my driving force behind signing it over

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LadySybilLikesCake · 03/07/2014 19:42

No, don't rush into anything.

There are other people/places where he can see good male role models and, to be honest, no male in his life is better than an abusive one. Any sports clubs he can join, that sort of thing?

Did he tell your son that he was going to put him in care? Shock I'd want my child out of their until he went on a parenting course!

theironinglady123 · 03/07/2014 19:49

If he applied to the Child benefit office he would likely be awarded it anyway if he's been living there over a month full time already.

He can claim tax credits without the Child Benefit though.

Original poster
DollyTwat · 03/07/2014 19:50

He did. The problem is Lady that ds1 wants to be there, ex has let him do whatever he wants for the first two weeks and is now having to do some proper parenting.

Ex is very manipulative and has I think convinced ds1 that he needs to be with his dad. Also he doesn't have to compete with ds2 and is getting his dads complete attention which he likes.

I can't make him come home. If I rescue him every time he behaves badly then he isn't learning that he has to stop behaving badly. I'm in a no win situation

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Original poster
DollyTwat · 03/07/2014 19:51

I checked online and it says I can still claim it up to 8 weeks after a child lives somewhere else if I'm contributing to his upkeep, which I am as I still pay his school meals etc

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smellyfishead · 03/07/2014 20:54

don't do it!!

Original poster
DollyTwat · 03/07/2014 21:12

All my instincts are telling me it's a bad idea
He's going to start being nasty again to me because of it. He's done it before when he wanted me to write his debt off, really nice and co-operative then as soon as I say no he's vile

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Smo2 · 03/07/2014 21:15

I would offer to give him the child benefit money each week until things become more permanent x

Difficultdilemma01 · 03/07/2014 21:26

In your situation I would point out that you need to see this will be a permanent arrangement, which means an absolute minimum of 8 weeks maybe longer depending on how well your ex is coping ( not that well by the sounds of it).

I might he inclined to offer to transfer the cB to your ex via bank transfer ( so it's traceable) as a goodwill gesture but again this would be contingent on him taking on responsibility for your DS's day to day needs, clothes, school meals travel etc etc.

I do think you would be within your right s to agree to sign it over to him but only once the outstanding case debt has been cleared (2 years lol!!!!)

clam · 03/07/2014 21:32

I would say I'd discuss it with him when I'd got the £2500 arrears he owes. But I guess you'd be a long time waiting for that.

The very most I'd b prepared to do would be to give him the money, but not sign it over officially. That way, you're in control.

theironinglady123 · 03/07/2014 21:54

But CSA arrears and CB aren't linked. Surely if he is that determined to get the CB he will eventually call the CB office if you keep refusing . They won't care tht he owes CSA money and to be honest if he doesn't work they can't squeeze 2.5k out of him until he starts work.

OP I'm sorry you're in this situation. Have you asked the school for help with your sons behaviour? Has he been referred to CAMHS?

Original poster
DollyTwat · 03/07/2014 22:20

I've asked the school and we had a CAF for him when he was in junior school. I managed to get him a counsellor then my ex complained about him as it turned out he knew him (and had fallen out with him). Consequently ds1 doesn't trust counsellors any more (a while other story)

I've involved the parent coordinator, who has out forward various suggestions that ex won't engage with as he feels he knows best. I'll call her again but ex seems to have convinced ds1 that he shouldn't be talking to anyone else where I think he desperately needs outside help and I do too

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littlemissminime · 04/07/2014 13:06

I signed it over in may 2013. Child came back to live with me towards the end of the year and it took me almost 4 months to go through the channels to get it back, although tax credits were brill and allowed me to claim even though I wasn't getting the child benefit but it was being fought for. Even after the 4 months I didn't get the full amount owed, they said something about him being allowed to keep 8 weeks worth, shit really cause we lost that to him even though he gave us no help at all.

theironinglady123 · 04/07/2014 13:20

Tax credits and Child Benefit are not linked. Tax Credits have a specific rule that receipt of child Benefit is not to be used to decide which parent can claim Tax Credits.

Original poster
DollyTwat · 04/07/2014 14:34

The cb is worth so much to my ex I cannot see him ever signing it back. And that would mean ds1 would be classed as living there even if he wasn't

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Original poster
DollyTwat · 04/07/2014 16:11

As predicted an email saying that as he's been there nearly 6 weeks he's living there now and that he's struggling to feed ds1

I've replied saying I'll review it in August if he's still there, and that I'm using the £20 to pay for his lunches and school trips which I am

He's going to get nasty with me now
I was trying to avoid that as he'll start slagging me off to ds1 which will make our relationship even worse

I've got ds1 overnight tonight so I'll have a chat about him coming home

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EarthWindFire · 04/07/2014 23:14

Are you paying your ex Child maintenance or are you just taking it off the arrears?

Original poster
DollyTwat · 04/07/2014 23:18

I'm not paying him anything.
Ds1 went to his nearly 6 weeks ago now, I'm still paying for school lunches and school trips and his uniform etc

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