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Lone parents

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Original poster

Any stories of left pregnant and a happy ending? Do they come back?

48 replies

foolsrushin · 17/06/2014 19:52

Or were you happy alone?

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Original poster
foolsrushin · 17/06/2014 19:54

Do you feel less towards the father once the baby is born? Especially if they've been extra horrible?

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rainbowfeet · 17/06/2014 20:03

I don't know how far along in your pregnancy you are.. But I think you should ask yourself if you want to go go through this alone. It must be at the moment about you not him.
Yes, he might change his mind & come back (my ds's dad didn't)! But I think you should plan for the situation that he won't & decide on the pregnancy then.
I gave my ds's dad plenty of opportunity to be involved in the pregnancy & his sons life but he has chosen not to & although it has been tough & the rejection painful I am happy to be a lone parent.Grin

Original poster
foolsrushin · 17/06/2014 20:13

Nearly ready to have baby but old feelings have resurfaced :( I couldn't take him back he abandoned me and we were together a long time. I have closure as far as the relationship is concerned I'm just interested in others stories. I think because my hormones are clouding my judgement I am just a mess at the moment. I've read so many stories that once the baby is born you focus on them and all feelings for the ex go out the window. I am hoping that is the case :(

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Original poster
foolsrushin · 18/06/2014 18:01

I am even very seriously considering not going for child support to save the aggro I might get. I am worried he might then go for access and he is so unstable

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MmeMorrible · 18/06/2014 18:12

My DSis was left at 8 months pg by her despicable rat of an H. They didn't get back together, he was an absent shit dad, so not a happy ending in that sense.

But my DNephew (now 28) is the loveliest, most adoring son you could imagine. He is such a credit to all the love and devotion she poured into his every moment. They are incredibly close and although she has serious health problems and is physically disabled now, he has always looked after her and supported her.

She is an amazing mother and despite the awful situation she was left in (OW, STDs, debts) has raised her boy to be a good man.

MmeMorrible · 18/06/2014 18:13

Sorry for gushy post - just so very proud of both of them.

MikeTheShite · 18/06/2014 18:23

it happened to me. five months pregnant and he left me for someone else.
he is still with her and sees dd 21 months EOW.
its hard its so bloody hard. I moved county and got a house of our own. ive just got into university. With our dog we have a really lovely life now.

it gets easier. I can't say if id have him back or not tbh

fourlegstwolegs · 18/06/2014 21:06

Mine left, then came back, and then left for good when DS was a year old. That was now 5 months ago. He won't come back. He's an idiot but is a good, hands on father and has done the right thing financially.

MargotThreadbetter · 19/06/2014 08:03

I got dumped (after 3 years together) right after I told him I was pregnant. OW in background of course.
I'm raising DS alone and it's great! Hard sometimes but I love it.
Put it down to hormones - and be prepared for 'family nesting' type feelings when you have baby. Don't make a twat out of yourself with ex as I did Grin
I now wouldn't have my ex back if he came gift wrapped with a winning lottery ticket.

MargotThreadbetter · 19/06/2014 08:04

Mme your sister sounds fab by the way!

annielewis · 19/06/2014 08:15

foolsrushin didn't want to read and run - do you have lots of other types of support from family etc, its bloody hard doing it on your own but you will find a way. You are in control and your hormones will be a bit messy for a while but you'll be ok.

Good luck for the birth and the hormonal first few weeks!

Letitgoletitgo · 19/06/2014 08:36

Fools, just wanted to say that he can go for access regardless of maintenance payments, so may as well get what you're owed!

My H left for ow when planned dd (2nd child together, both planned) was 3 weeks old. He did try to come back, a number of times over past 2 years, but is still with ow who knows nothing about it. I could never have him back, too many lies.
Good luck to you and your baby, you will be fine x

Letitgoletitgo · 19/06/2014 08:37

Just re reading your heading - perhaps the happy ending is not taking these crap holes back and being happy on our own with our children. X

Original poster
foolsrushin · 19/06/2014 08:58

Thanks ladies. There isn't half some arseholes in the world!!! My hope is when baby is born my messy feelings will clear up where he is concerned. A lot to answer for haven't they? xx

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annielewis · 19/06/2014 09:44

He can only go for access assuming you put his name on the birth certificate can't he? But baby not born yet so Fools could omit his name? Seems quite 'final' to me but not sure what I would do in that situation.

I think either way it is better to arrange things so you are not dependent on him for money or support etc, then if you do get some its a nice bonus, but you are not screwed if they give you nothing. You're right though, there are an astounding number of A-holes and women that fall under their charms/spell..... :(

Original poster
foolsrushin · 19/06/2014 17:20

I've had all the usual crap like i trapped him, done it on purpose etc. It came at the worst possible time too as I was ready to leave anyway. One good thing is this baby has broken the abuse cycle whereby if he didnt' get his own way he would ignore me for days and loads of other stuff. Like I said I have offered him to be part of things and he doesn't want the fucking thing apparently and I've made my baby a victim too!! I will keep all the nasty messages and won't be afraid to use them if he tries for access. I won't be putting his name on the birth certificate but if he applies after I won't stop that. Just concentrating on my baby right now but feel so sad for her xx

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queenofthepirates · 19/06/2014 18:52

Honestly, lose the nasty messages, they won't matter a jot if he goes for access in the courts. He can be as much of a cock badger as he likes, he will get access if he can prove parentage even if he's been awful. Horrid messages will only distress you.

My DD's father didn't come back and I didn't chase him. You know what though, we are very happy. Odd as it might sound, after four years without contact, I struggled to remember his name last week.

Original poster
foolsrushin · 19/06/2014 19:19

Lol that made me laugh Queen. I will keep them for now as they are quite threatening and when I doubt myself I read them and remember why I chose to do this alone xxx

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annielewis · 21/06/2014 23:19

Ha - love the phrase cock badger, haven't heard it for a while! Just wanted to pop back in and send you strong happy vibes for you and your precious little girl. Keep the messages if you need them to remind you why you are better off alone - and really truly the best of luck.

Original poster
foolsrushin · 21/06/2014 23:43

Thanks annie. I know I am you're right. Just somewhere inside I want his conscience to take over and show me that at least I meant something to him. To my mind someone who loves you might hate you for a while but they still would stand by you x

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Trifle66 · 22/06/2014 21:12

I'm 16 years down the line. It does get easier but give it time. Soon you will realise he has done you a favour. Imagine having to deal with him and night feeds etc.

Lioninthesun · 23/06/2014 10:05

You don't want them back if they can leave you when you are pg, honestly.
You can pretend it means something to them to let them to the birth, but really it will just make everything far more complicated.

I still get angry when I think of exp because he promised so much, in particular for DD - what he was going to teach her and where we would go to visit, how his brothers would love her and his mum. DD is coming up to 3 and he hasn't seen her since she was 6mo and won't even see her in a contact centre. Much as you can try to forget, every time your child asks about 'daddy' or does something that reminds you of them they come back to haunt you. I danced around him for nearly 2 years, letting him live with us after he left, letting him come to the birth, believing him when he said we would emigrate and I would become 'Mrs S*d' and even trying to continue with contact after he missed contact meetings and turned up hours late and drunk. It all culminated with him taking us to court so he could wriggle out of maintenance. It was not worth it at all. DD obviously doesn't remember him and he doesn't want the hassle of his child now. She simply doesn't exist for him any more.

We are going on holiday today and I've just had another call from CSA! Ex thinks they are stalking him on my behalf but honestly I just couldn't give a shit about him cheating DD out of money any more. However because it has now become a fraud issue they seem to be wanting me to join in for more evidence. I don't think I have the energy after 3 years and certainly didn't need a reminder before our holiday.
If our ex visits and actually gives 2 shits about your DC it may be easier to be forgiving or indifferent, as at least then you get some down time and your child has a relationship with at least one other person who loves them. Well, you'd hope so anyway!
Good luck OP.

Original poster
foolsrushin · 23/06/2014 12:00

Thank you ladies. Its all for the best I suppose. I aren't allowing him at the birth. I haven't asked and he hasn't offered. Last time I contacted him about baby possibly needing special care he said....how dare you tell me that you wanted this not me and you are the most selfish person in the world. I think thats a pretty disgusting thing to say. x

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MmeMorrible · 23/06/2014 18:37

Hi OP so sorry to hear about your DPs horrible attitude towards you and your pregnancy. Do you have family and/or friends who can provide some support in RL?

Ninetysixpercent · 23/06/2014 19:01

I became a LP nearly 6 years ago and can honestly say they've been the happiest of my life. Of course it's hard at times but that's parenting for you and parenting alone is way easier than doing it with someone like your ex.
I do hope you have a supportive family though, it's been a life saver for me in that I can actually afford to work.