HELP!My ex is threatening to block my DD's school choice!!

[ROZ12]

Hi all

What shall I do My ex is not consenting to my DD's high school choice and is saying he will block it via court/ It's a private school and she worked hard to get in and I'm paying full fees, he has refused to help with fees. But as he has legal responsibility he needs to sign for. The deadline is this Friday how do I get a signature? He is annoyed I said no to Thursday overnight contact therefore not helping with fees nor signing form.

What shall I do. My DD is wanting the school and not happy to go to local comp. She is too scared of her father to discuss with him.

Please advise.

[youarewinning]

Is he actually planning on contributing fees to the more expensive school he deems more acceptable?

I agree phone the school. No one will label your Dd a problem child or you the problem parent if you are succinct and factual and not whingy about your ex.

By that I mean - ask if you can return the form with just your signature as you are the one paying the fees. Say DDs father is unavailable to sign consent ATM.

See what they say and take it from there.

[ROZ12]

Ive rejected more expensive school he did say only if i give Thursday overnight I don't want to be bribed by him.

He should pay because he loves her that's enough. he get half holidays and Friday to Monday and a mid week isn't that enough???

[TSSDNCOP]

Phone the school. They won't judge your DD. they might rightly judge exDH but not DD.

I think when you do that you'll find they will be on your side.

[Pinkje]

So he wants one fee paying school, you want another? Is there a third one you can both agree on? Are there religious differences too?

Sorry that your daughter is caught in the middle.

[youarewinning]

Does he think him getting an extra night makes him the parent with more residence so gets more say iyswim? So he has 4 nights instead of 3?

Is he as much of a controlling arse as he sounds?!

[YomAsalYomBasal]

I had this problem, just said XH wouldn't sign and the school were fine with it. As long as they get paid, they don't mind!

[elastamum]

Just sign it and send it in. You wont be the only person doing this and as long as they know the fees are being paid they probably wont question it. Have done this myself, school have never questioned it.

If he insists on going to court then the court will ask your DD for her opinion. If you and her want her to go there and you are taking full responsibility for fees the court cannot order you to choose a different fee paying school on his say so.

Highly unlikely that they will rule in his favour and effectively deny your DD the education you and she wants and he is paying for.

[elastamum]

Sorry. YOU are paying for..

[CremeEggThief]

It never even occurred to me to ask my STBX if he wanted a say in where DS goes to secondary school, never mind sign any coconsent forms!

Just sign it and send it in!

[youarewinning]

FWiW DS school forms (admittedly state school) even say N/A for fathers details

[ROZ12]

yes state never ask! It's the fee paying ones that do. I understand courts will rule in my favour.

Yes is very controlling even in our marriage it was very abusive.

Ok I'll sign it and will let you know outcome I can feel the court process all over again??!!

[ROZ12]

sorry for got to say he wanted the school near his house for his convenience. Im the one doing school run and also its nearer to my house.

[youarewinning]

Do you have an email address for him? I would send a simple email which could be used to your advantage.

Dear twat Ex,

Further to our conversation re the fee paying school DD wishes to attend and your views on this, I am emailing to confirm the following details.

DD wishes to attend the school we spoke about, she does not wish to attend the one you suggested.
DD does not want to spend a further night at your house on a Thursday. She feels that 3 nights a week is enough and a Thursday interferes with her school work.
You do not wish to contribute towards the fees for the school,DD wishes to attend and I agree she can attend.
You are refusing to sign the parental agreement for DD to attend the school she's chosen as you would rather she attended one nearer your house and you want her to spend another night at your house.

I have returned the form to DDs chosen school - currently unsigned by you. I am informing you of this so If you wish to continue along your legal route to prevent DDand myself choosing her schooling you now have the opportunity to proceed.

Any further discussion re DDs schooling should be addressed to me via email.

[Mmmmnotquitesure]

I was going to just sign my part and attach a confidential letter explaining he wasn't going to sign explaining that he was not the fee payer anyway. In the end I didn't need to but would've thought that ok. If he had taken me to court the judge would've laughed so I wasn't worried.

[fuzzywuzzy]

Roz the school will be used to it, your DD wont be the first and unfortunately she wont be the last.

I made it clear to my DD's school of the personal situation as I didn't want them to be warnedi n advance. The Ht was lvoely and understanding and they have all the court orders I have to show I am the main carer and the prohibited steps order so they can act accordingly if eh turns up, which he might should the fancy to cause us more misery take him.

[fuzzywuzzy]

I did want them to be warned in advance.

[ROZ12]

The thing is he has parental responsibilty and as a poster said if both parents have legal responsibility BOTH parents need to sign.

There are at least three boxes asking about if parent approves, consents to school. I will tick no ad attacha letter as advised.

[balia]

As I understand it, PR gives the NRP the right to be consulted about important matters. But that isn't the same as having the right to decide. You have consulted him - he doesn't agree, and therefore has the right to ask a court to decide. He will have to weigh up whether it is worth it. I am assuming, though, that the court order giving him PR also granted you residence? Otherwise I think it might be different.

[Teddingtonmum1]

I'm in court next week about the very same issue ex doesn't want DS to board we have a Weekly boarding place so it won't disrupt his access and he is refusing to pay a penny towards the fees or expenses but his still not happy. But the state option is awful at a failing academy which needs improvement so there Is no chance the judge wi rule against especially as DS has said he wants to board. Apparently you might be able to apply for a financial provision order am going to clarify when I get to court as I think ex should pay extras ie uniform/ pocket money etc will let you know how it goes.

[tiredandsadmum]

following as I shall be in the same position soon. So no help to offer

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

PR does mean that BOTH parents need to be consulted on Educational matters

No it does not, there is an expectation of agreement but all parties with PR can make decisions independently of the other and inform the other,this does mean that you can end up in a cycle of one parent registering the other removing and legally the only way to prevent this is via court.

There is no obligation in the absence of a court order for both parties to give consent.

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

And fwiw, any offer he makes towards school fees payments (if he contributed towards the school he wants) will always be dependant on you doing what he wants,he will stitch you up when you least expect it and the school will chase the one who is easier to get the money from and that will be you because you won't want her education to be further disrupted

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

Sorry my first post should say expectation of consultation

[Spero]

Are you sure the school will want both signatures? My daughter's school was happy with me just signing - I explained that I was paying all the fees myself and my ex was not contributing.

They were absolutely fine about this.

They are shooting themselves in the foot if demanding signatures from everyone with PR, because of precisely this situation.

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

All my kids schools only required mine as well spero,

I had the option to get the other to sign but I'm pretty sure that was just to minimise none payment so they would have two to chase if needed