HELP!My ex is threatening to block my DD's school choice!!

[ROZ12]

Hi all

What shall I do My ex is not consenting to my DD's high school choice and is saying he will block it via court/ It's a private school and she worked hard to get in and I'm paying full fees, he has refused to help with fees. But as he has legal responsibility he needs to sign for. The deadline is this Friday how do I get a signature? He is annoyed I said no to Thursday overnight contact therefore not helping with fees nor signing form.

What shall I do. My DD is wanting the school and not happy to go to local comp. She is too scared of her father to discuss with him.

Please advise.

[Spero]

I was really impressed with my daughter's school - if parents were separated they asked for a brief explanation of the circumstances and a copy of any court order.

This cannot be an unusual situation any more. I would be really surprised if a school demanded signatures of both a mother and father. Surely, all they are worried about is that the fees are paid? I could see them getting nervous if one parent was relying on the other to pay fees and the fee paying parent wasn't happy with the idea of that particular school.

[ROZ12]

hi all

I'll just quote the boxes to clarify that the school are asking:


Do both parents have legal parental responsibility Yes/no

Do both parents agree that the student should attend the school yes/no

Signature required with legal responsibilty required.

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

That's exactly what the schools my kids go to wanted as well.

As soon as all knew I was not reliant on any other party for fees they were fine.

My sisters child also goes to a school with fees she does not pay them our mother pays hers so they asked for a signature from our mother confirming responsibility for the fees.

[Spero]

I would contact the school directly. Say there will only be your signature but you are paying the fees. I would be surprised if they have a problem with this.

to stop her going he would have to go to court and get a prohibited steps order. Provided it is a half way decent school and not some bizarre cult masquerading as a school, the court are unlikely to give him the time of day.

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

Answer yes to first and leave the others un circled or ticked and just sign it yourself.

You are allowed by law to operate independently of the other parent,if they wish to stop you they can take you to court or remove her from school.

The more wound up you get by this the more power you are giving him.
If he takes you to court after she's started so what, it's at his expense not yours unless he has a very good reason the court will not agree with him

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

Great cross post!

[Spero]

Great minds!

[ROZ12]

Ok thanks for advice. It will my DD's heart if my ex pulls a stunt like that-what is the point?? It's a good school with 96% A-C results.

Yes I always gvie in to have a peaceful life he definitely enjoys power over me and talks to me like a child. I'm the one who helped my DD pass her 11plus why he makes me out to be the bad guy no idea?

[Spero]

Hopefully it is just bluff and bluster. But if it isn't, let him do his worst. All he will do is waste his time and money and make his daughter think a lot less of him.

Good luck.

[ROZ12]

She already does. She is far more mature than him. If he doesn't get what he wants he runs to a judge!!

[3xcookedchips]

Needs:

I my original post I did suggest this be reposted in Legal(where actual solicitors stalk) because there 'could' be legal consequences.

Just to clear up your assertion on PR and what that constitutes in this context.

1998 the Court of Appeal (Re H (Parental Responsibility) said that a father with parental responsibility would have to be consulted on “schooling, serious medical problems and other important occurrences in the child's life"

So you see, parents with PR have to be consulted. Can a parent challenge the choice, yes.

Would it be worthwhile for this father to make a challenge - probably not.

Following on from another poster who suggested a letter

Hi Ex(love of my life!),

Further to our conversation regarding school DD wishes to attend.

I support our daughters wish to attend this school.

I would be grateful if you could sign the school agreement.

I believe it is our daughters interest if she sees both of us supporting her educational needs.

please let me know by if you can do sign, thanks

Regards,
Moi

keep the school and contact separate and keep it brief

[ROZ12]

Where is the legal post section??

[Spero]

Legal types are not confined to the legal threads.

I am family lawyer - yes, PR means that each holder of PR should be consulted about the serious issues in a child's life, medical treatment, education, moving abroad etc.

But no holder of PR has a right of veto. If you can't agree with the other PR holder, you have to try some form of dispute resolution, be it mediation or the court.

I think he would have to have pretty serious and specific reasons to object to a school that your daughter wants to go to AND for which you are paying all the fees.

[ROZ12]

Spero-So PR means to consult which I can not necessarily to obtain consent?Therefore I have done my bit no breaking an laws and signing of the acceptance form. I'm leaving consent box blank and writing a cover letter as we speak.

He will take me to court but look like an idiot.

Thank you all.

[ROZ12]

I meant to say I have consulted that's enough not necessary to get consent.

[Spero]

Meaning of “parental responsibility”.

(1)In this Act “parental responsibility” means all the rights, duties, powers, responsibilities and authority which by law a parent of a child has in relation to the child and his property.

(2)It also includes the rights, powers and duties which a guardian of the child’s estate (appointed, before the commencement of section 5, to act generally) would have had in relation to the child and his property.

(3)The rights referred to in subsection (2) include, in particular, the right of the guardian to receive or recover in his own name, for the benefit of the child, property of whatever description and wherever situated which the child is entitled to receive or recover.

(4)The fact that a person has, or does not have, parental responsibility for a child shall not affect—

(a)any obligation which he may have in relation to the child (such as a statutory duty to maintain the child); or

(b)any rights which, in the event of the child’s death, he (or any other person) may have in relation to the child’s property.

(5)A person who—

(a)does not have parental responsibility for a particular child; but

(b)has care of the child,

may (subject to the provisions of this Act) do what is reasonable in all the circumstances of the case for the purpose of safeguarding or promoting the child’s welfare.

[Spero]

That is how the children Act 1989 defines PR.

So not very helpful!

[Spero]

This is quite a useful précis
SCHEDULE OF ITEMS IN RELATION TO THE EXERCISE OF PARENTAL RESPONSIBILITY
1.Decisions that could be taken independently and without any consultation or notification to the other parent:

• How the children are to spend their time during contact
• Personal care for the children
• Activities undertaken
• Religious and spiritual pursuits
• Continuance of medicine treatment prescribed by GP

1. Decisions where one parent would always need to inform the other parent of the decision, but did not need to consult or take the other parent's views into account:
   

• Medical Treatment in an emergency
• Booking holidays or to take the children abroad in contact time
• Planned visits to the GP and the reasons for this

1. Decisions that you would need to both inform and consult the other parent prior to making the decision:
   

• Schools the children are to attend, including admissions applications. With reference to which senior school [the child] should attend this is to be decided taking into account [the child's] own views and in consultation and with advice from her teachers.
• Contact rotas in school holidays
• Planned medical and dental treatment
• Stopping medication prescribed for the children
• Attendance at school functions so they can be planned to avoid meetings wherever possible
• Age that children should be able to watch videos. i.e. videos recommended for children over 12

[CinnabarRed]

Hoorah for Spero!

[Spero]

I don't think I deserve a cheer!

I am just randomly googling.

But PR is a massive pain in the arse - it is not well defined and it causes so much anguish. It was basically a creation of a Tory Government who wanted to distinguish between married and unmarried parents and thus 'punish' the unmarried fathers.

Yes, you should have consulted with him. But no, he doesn't have a veto, whether you consult or not and if your daughter is fast approaching her teenage years, her wishes and feelings are just as important as his, if not more so.

[ROZ12]

Yes Spero you are wonderful after reading this I see my DD is the winner.She wants the school and her views are important according to above.

No where does it say to obtain consent just consult and inform which I have done.

[Spero]

Sorry, should also point out IF you have a Special Guardianship Order then you DO have a veto - you have 'super' PR that trumps all others...

[Spero]

If you don't get consent from other parent with PR before going abroad (unless you have a residence order and its less than 28 days) then you could be guilty of the criminal offence of child abduction BUT I can't possibly see what you have done 'wrong' if you go ahead with this school after informing and consulting him.

If he is not happy and can't persuade you to change your mind, his only option is an application to the court.

But this would be very, very sad and counterproductive if he is only doing it to be awkward and its a school your daughter wants.

I hope he doesn't but I am sure you will get lots of support on here if he decides to be a Massive Arse.

[ROZ12]

Spero-As a family lawyer can I ask if it was right for my ex to say he will contribute to fees if I gave Thursday overnight access? I reckon he is taking me to court over this too. I see it as disruptive to school work and week esp as she is going to a demanding indie and needs to focus. Do I have a strong argument? Also my DD doesn't want it and actually wants to reduce contact as father leaves her every saturday and goes to work!

[tiredandsadmum]

You see my situation is that my school of preference is quite far away from both me and ex. My solicitor has said that in a court situation I would have to demonstrate clearly that it was a better school for DC. That is actually very difficult to do.

Spero - I like your précis list very much (thank you) but where did it come from. (Ex just turns up to school events, often on DC contact weekend with me, with no notice, brings OW and it causes an issue with DC so I like the idea that he should inform and consult)