CSA for step child

[helmaria]

Now my ex has a step child living with him, does this lessen my csa payments?

Losing the paltry sum my ex used to pay in cm made a massive didference to me,.if I had known it was going to stop then I probably would have had to go without a couple of meals.

As it was, he didn't tell me I wasn't getting any more money, so I did my shop, topped up the gas and electric, all on my tight and well worked out budget. The dc had both had growth spurts and needed new clothes/shoes etc (why do they always do that at the same time?!)
That's ok I thought, the cm is due this weekend so I'll pop to primark then.
The ex turned up "oh I can't give you any money this month, because I've moved in with my gf and she has 2 children so I can't afford to pay you as we have things we needed to buy"

I'll admit I was furious! My children couldn't have the clothes the needed because he chose to move in with someone else's dc.

Then she was pg so he couldnt afford to pay because they had to buy things for the baby,
Then he quit his job because she wanted him at home with her and the baby and his benefits didn't leave him with enough they had enough for a new car, motorbike test and new motorbike though

I agree - I think the system does need overhauling to prevent feckless deadbeat dads avoiding their responsibilities and reproducing willynilly.

It also needs to be changed so that the NRP can financially provide for their DCs directly if they choose, particularly in circumstances of shared care. The current system, that automatically places all financial decision making on one parent, is decisive and permits one parent to sideline the other if they choose to, and to be equally feckless with money at the expense of the DCs.

Neither is fair, but I see no way of creating a system that cannot be abused by parents who don't have their DCs wellbeing at heart.

INeed were those payments through the CSA if you don't mind me asking?

ineed but the system already supports you to secure CM from your ex in that situation - having refused to pay as arranged, the CSA would have stepped in and secured CM on your behalf.

As for quitting his job - there are very, very few NRP who actually go through with that threat - but, however they find themselves jobless, if a parent hasn't got an income, they can't financially support themselves, never mind their DCs.

I think the govt could t least try. No nation is ever 100% united on any one issue and were not currently in agreement about the current system. It does need to be improved- there are parents (rp and nrp) and children being royally fucked over as it stands and its an inadequate system. Alternatives need to be sought. And not alternatives that charge the parents for using much needed services to ensure their dcs get what they are entitled to.

No Bruthas it was when he stopped making the payments that I opened a case with the CSA.
Since then he's done nothing but lie to them about his circumstances, but they said unless I can prove that hes lied they can't do anything.

For example, he moved out of his gfs house (because him living there affected her benefits) but didn't tell CSA, so they made a calculation based on him living with his dsc who he didn't actually live with. Apparently I had to prove he lived elsewhere on order for them to reassess.

Frogstar I opened my CSA claim nearly a year ago, as yet they haven't managed to get me any money, and in fact everytime I speak to them they tell me something different, none of which matches what's on their website.

YoureBeingASillyBilly `Or rather the Govt should make crappy NRP's accountable and change how the whole system is managed.'

I agree entirely. But...

...while so much is done to ensure NRPs contribute financially to their children...

...while so much is done to ensure it is as difficult as possible for them to contribute in any other way?

Speaks volumes to me that the most valuable contribution a NRP can make is cold, hard cash.

Both parents have a duty to support their children in terms of finance and in terms of childcare.

I totally agree lostdad it seems only money is the main issue in our circumstances. Any other contribution my dh has tried to make has been either ignored or turned down.

Lostdad i totay agree with you there- financial support is only a part of it. The whole set up needs overhauled.

Icant- i seem to be in the reverse situation. I cant get my exp to do even the contact he has agreed to never mind him offering any other help.

yourebeing totally feel for you in that situation. I don't understand dads that can just walk away from their responsibilities. One of the main qualities that I love about my dh is his commitment to his dc.
My dh has to put up with having his dds dm rubbing his nose in things a lot. I'll not go into detail but things that he should be doing she gets dsd stepdad to do and that really upsets my dh (even if he doesn't say so I know it does).

Oh don't even get me started on contact SillyBilly it seems we have the same issue there!
My ex is supposed to have the dc every Sunday and alternate Sat nights.
Sat just gone he 'forgot' it was his weekend to have them!
Nye was 'his turn' (he made a massive fuss about how we had to alternate birthdays and Christmas which I said was fine provided we also did alternate Nye) 15 mins before he was due to pick the dc up he cancelled claiming his baby was 'under the weather'
I later found out they'd had a Nye party.

Most of us vent in MN because we've got frustrations we need to share - for every deadbeat dad who won't face their responsibilities, there is a bitter mother who blocks contact/bad mouths their DCs dad.

Perhaps we could start a national network a bit like "adopt a granny"? My DH values being "important in the life of a child" but has been prevented from seeing his own DCs., he's s brilliant Stepdad and had circumstances been different, I'd love to share parenting our own DC with him.

Maybe he could be linked up with a LP whose DCs dad is absent - and provide those DCs with a positive male role model?

That's something practical the Government could do to support the DCs in these situations, set up a programme that widens the number of adults in their lives.

YoureBeingASillyBilly - `I cant get my exp to do even the contact he has agreed to never mind him offering any other help'.

I hear you!

I don't hesitate to tell NRPs who aren't pulling their weight that they have a responsibility to their child. I don't hesitate to tell them `If you want to be seen as an equal parent maybe you should start acting like one'.

Speaks volumes to me that the most valuable contribution a NRP can make is cold, hard cash. Both parents have a duty to support their children in terms of finance and in terms of childcare.

Sometimes it is the case though. Whilst I agree that contact should always be maintained where possible it sometimes won't be possible.

My ExH will never be apart of my DDs life in a physical sense. The least he could do is provide some financial support towards her but he doesn't do that either. I am not stupid enough to decline money if it was to ever be offered but I am also not stupid enough to trade money for access. A child isn't something to be rented out, you have to make sure the childs best interests are taken into account in.

I am a firm believer that children shouldn't be used as pawns by either parent regardless of the situation.

Obviously my case is in the minority, but due to this I think that finance and access should remain two completely separate issues and dealt with as such. I agree that the entire system needs to be looked at as there are RP and NRP suffering at the hands of the ExP.

I think the reason that this thread has mainly focused of the financial side but that isn't to say that is dismisses the access side, it's just that the nature of the OP was to do with finance.

And I apologise for the bad sentence structure in that last post...

Frogs.

I would hugely disagree with that statement, the family courts are easy to access easy to engage with for the average person and they are 100% geared towards contact yes some resident parents tell lies but to get a order preventing contact long term is very difficult even when the person your trying to prevent having unsupervised access has been convicted of seriously violent offences.

I also do not believe that for every deadbeat there is a bitter contact withholder in my experience there is a much higher proportion of deadbeats and the bitter withholding ex whist being a huge stereotype and almost expected to be seen by loads of people who work in the industry are no where near as common.

socks I think that there are as many misconceptions about the accessibility of court by NRP as there are about the ability of the CSA to "make a deadbeat dad pay".

Personally, I don't know of any dads who refuse to pay, yet I'm sure you know of many. Yet, I encounter men every day who have been prevented from seeing their DCs and have tried to resolve it in court - my former boss, someone I volunteered with, the bus driver who buys coffee from me every day, and of course, my DH. I'm equally sure that you haven't met any

socks Ive posted in legal this afternoon the "how to" guide for RP who want to use court to prevent contact between DCs and their Dad.
It's quite simple really.

Frog Are you saying it simple to stop a BF having contact with their child if they want it?

You are hugely misinformed if you think it "simple".

meep not misinformed - experiencing it firsthand.

I suggest you read my recent post in legal - if it's not already widely known and used as a technique, then it soon will be because more and more people are self rep'ing so don't know the nuances of the system.

Sorry I should of added indefinitely into that last post.

I have just read it, it isn't indefinitely stopping him from seeing his child though. It is still an ongoing case yes?

I can assure you it is very difficult to get an order from a court to say that a BF is not aloud any contact with their child and will only be granted in exceptional circumstances.

I'm shite at searching can you link it please.

But before I read it, anybody who has the legal right to can walk into a court and file an application the fees are fairly low in comparison to say filing a divorce, it does not take a legal person to fill them out. The children's act relies on contact being the ultimate goal,supervised is usually short term even when you would not expect it to be. Residency can be transferred as enforcement.contact orders are rarely refused by the courts.

I do know many nrp's who claim they are being prevented and have been long term usually they turn out to have made a halfhearted attempt then given up or are unwilling to put there own desires above the welfare of the children.I also know of several who have been prevented with very good reason and several who should have been but were not.i know a tiny amount who have been victim to the unwarranted bitter ex through no fault of their own.