custody, how do they decide?

[IneedAwittierNickname]

Well what the title.says really. How do the courts decide who gets custody of children?

I've just found out that my ex is planning on getting custody by going through ss. He believes he will get it purely because his house is spotless and mine isn't.

But surely there's more that they will consider? Like thefact that I've always been the primary carer, and that I've lived in the same place (alone) for nearly 5 years, thus providing stability. Ex otoh has lived with his dad, then his mum, then his dad again. Then he moved in with a woman he then got engaged to. They split up, he moved back.in with his dad. Then he moved in with his new gf (of a couple of weeks). They were engaged and she was pregnant within 6 weeks.

And if they live with him they will need to change school, which is potentially unsettling (not the end of the world ill admit)

Plus they.don't want to live with him.

I'm just terrified that ill lose my babies :( (who are 9 and 7 so not actually babies)

Well I spoke to my family workers supervisor (which is who my ex said all this to) and she hasn't spoken to him for weeks, and said she doesn't actually think he meant it

I had a meeting with ds1s class teacher today, and she agreed that a referral to cahms might be what's needed here, so is going to discuss it with the ht.

I'm not panicking like I was last night as school have said they support me 100%, and youve all helped put my mind at rest.

cestlavie just out of interest, when was the terminology changed? Because I've only ever seen on mn that its called residency, certainly googleing last night I found legal based websites that used the term 'custody'

Normal people use custody as do professionals when they are trying to explain it to none professionals (obviously they will use it in the context of saying this what we now call it) because the vast majority know what custody is and what it means.

Residency is the correct legal term (and has been for at least 15 years).

Its perfectly ok to use words you understand when talking to a sw as in this context they will understand you,its not ok to use words you don't understand because your trying to be correct because that's when people mess up what they are trying to say.

www.divorce.co.uk/your-children/residence/sole-residence

www.divorce.co.uk/your-children/residence/shared-parenting

cestla

That's not quite what shared and sole residency mean.

Shared means the children live between both houses, sole means they live at one house.

Sole is still (mostly) the norm and it apsolutly does not automatically imply anything negative at all about the other parent. Its certainly not any where near unusual to have a sole residency order alongside a EOW inc overnights contact order and they are often awarded based purely on practical reasons if those reasons are in the child's best interests.

Thanks sock I've literally never heard anyone in real life use the term residency, including social workers and friends who have been to court for it.

You use the correct words in court that's all but even then if your not a qualified legal person as long as the judge understands what your asking it does not really matter,and if you don't understand them they are usually very happy to be patient and explain.

Its very important for a SW to be clear and understood and they know that everybody knows what custody means.