Advice for my brother in law - newly single parent

[looneytune]

Some of you may possibly have seen my thread on the relationships section about my silly sister leaving her dh and kids.

Well, I've advised my sister to leave the children with their dad rather than move them to a whole new area where they know nothing and nobody. I'm hoping that she has now changed her mind about fighting for custody but IF she tries to persue it, has anyone got any advice or anything for my BIL? Will the courts go against him because he'd be working and using a childminder (probably) after school? Is there anything he can do to make things look better for him? Would the fact that the WHOLE of my family (my sisters obviously) are on the fathers side help?

Also, ANY info about what single working parents are entitled to would be great.

The children are 8 and 5.

That's it really, many thanks

As per our conversation earlier but will say it again in case it helps anyone else in this situation.

Contact child tax credit line to inform them that the situation has changed ie becoming a single parent as the forms take a while (I still havent got mine) to process so dont delay on it.

Call child benefit line to get the money paid into another account so she cant get it and the money can now be paid weekly instead of monthly.

Contact gingerbread to discuss money as they were more helpful than cab who did me in theinfo but gingerbread made me feel happier as they are all in our situation.

Could contact lone parent advisor at the job centre but not really sure what else they can do as he has got a job already but might help on extra benefits.

Contact the council about reducing the council tax bill by 25% and he might be able to get council tax beenfit which will also reduce the amount.

The courts i dont think will agree with her just becasue she are there mum but more with who is stable and he could argee this easily. Might be worth going to a solicitor to start the ball rolling.

Introduce him to other people in this dilemma ie me but not for that sort of fun.

apply for working tax credits too which will be done with child tax credit and if he gets income support he could get free milk and milk.

he will now get free prescrition adn dental.

I looked at your thread and wasn't really convinced that your sister was not a fit parent.

I think in her position I would fight for residency.

from what you say she has up to now been their main carer. Surely her wanting to live in a different area would not count against her nor her depression?

I agree with Zippi, I have only skipped through the last thread but it sounds to me like your sister is getting the cold shoulder from her own family. I may be totally wrong but no matter what my sister does I certainly won't sit down with her dh and slag her off.

Agree zippi. Feel very sorry for your sister, tbh, looneytune. It must be very hard for her having no one from her own family on her side. I don't think I could bear that, personally. Depression is treatable and having it is not a crime and does not usually equate to being an unfit parent at all. I realise there may be circumstances you cannot mention online but from what you have said there's nothing to stop your sister going for custody. And your brother in law's violence towards her may go against him, I think.

It's taken me a week to post, because I thought perhaps I was in a minority but I think she deserves some support and well done to her for losing weight too and quite possibly for having the strength to break away even if she did need to look for help outside the family to enable her.

I'm really really sorry you think this but you really don't know my sister I'm afraid. I could go on and on but the kids I look after are about to wake up so I can't go into it right now. We are a very close family and we've always been very supportive and given her stuff etc etc (could go on and on) BUT we've realised it's tough love she needs right now.

Also, to be honest, me and my family don't want the kids around someone whos on bail for assaulting their wife and also on suspended sentence for something else. That is definitely not our only reason for not wanting her to take the kids.

By the way, in case you haven't read, she's chosen him over the kids as she says she wants to stay there and SHE AGREES that they are best with their dad. The kids really don't want to leave school, they've said this! I wish (I really do) I had time to justify what we are doing but I must go for now.

Thanks Jellyjelly, I'm just trying to get as much info as poss

Oops- missed that bit entirely, anniemac. Doh. Sounds like LT's sister is unlucky with men.

But as LT's sister isn't moving in with the new man it won't be an issue for the moment anyway. The new man is not the one applying for custody. I'm not saying that LT's sister should get automatically get custody either. Just that I think LT should not be so sure it isn't a possibility just because her sister has depression and has harmed herself in the past.

Nice post, fiofio. I hope my sister will support me if and when I make whopping mistakes.

She is? Am I reading the right thread?

"My sister said she was planning to get her own place and not live with boyfriend but be near him."

Anyway my real point is not about where it is better for the kids to be. Frankly, I just don't know without knowing the people involved properly. My point is that I would be devastated beyond belief if my sister took my partner's side in anything ever, even if I was 1000000000% in the wrong.

I still find myself wanting to support your sister having been back and read the thread.

and Fio

I have recently thought synchronicity with your posts [maybe it's the same wine presuming you don't consistently drink lambrini)..cue massive difference of opinion!

of zippi and fio love-in on a thread where I have been accused of being illogical just because I missed out a [vitally important] piece of information or two.

but it does say that the new man's ex is trying to stitch him up..

so on my reading of the whole thing which is all that i can go on, loonytoons sister is being pushed into a corner..I can't understand how her sister is in a position to issue ultimatums about who gets residency..unless they are all going to perjure themselves with hearsay in a family court.

exactly anniemac we don't know

No apology needed, anniemac- not clocking major things like that is liable to make one come across as a bit bananaheaded, let's face it.