I don't want my kids

[Cluesue]

I am a single mum to 2 girls and I've raised them both alone,1 is 7 and the other is 14 months,I've suffered PND after both,it very bad at moment,was talking to my friend the other night and we were reminiscing about life before the kids came along and then she said but wouldn't it be boring without them,she said I took too long in answering that one,the truth is I'm only really happy when the girls are in bed or school and napping,I'm longing to run away and never come back and I really wish I had never had them

Oh Cluesue, I'm sorry you are feeling so bad. I think it is very taboo to admit these kind of feelings but I've felt like that too.

Are you getting help with the PND? Any other support? I go to a Parents support group - some lone parents, some with other issues but it is great to have a place to go where you can be honest about struggling. And they have playworkers so the kids get to do something fun and you get a break. Ask HV or if you have it Childrens Centre or Gingerbread in your area.

It's so hard when you are feeling down but try and look after the basics, eat well, sleep, get some exercise, even just a walk with the buggy. It will help you feel better.

Thank you,I'm on 30mg citalopram,not really helping much,can't really lean on family as there mental health issues rampant in the family(2sisters bipolar,mum on tablets for anxiety etc.I feel so guilty thinking this way but can't help it,my 7 year old and I argue constantly now and we used to be so close,I'm constantly shouty and tired so it's awful for the girls too,my Hv is a bit useless to be frank

I'm sorry you are feeling this way

Is there any way you could put the youngest in nursery whilst the eldest is at school and have some time to yourself?

I couldn't afford too,that's the problem though,I should want to spend time with my children,but I don't,I've never been away from them r
To know if I would eventually miss them

Can you go out with friends with children then you can at least have some adult conversation whilst looking after the children?

Is there any chance of getting a little part time job even if the wages only cover nursery? I'm sure I'm not alone in saying my time at work keeps me sane I'm just not cut out to spend all my days with my DC's

cluesue where are you?

Cluesue I'm sure you would miss them eventually if you were able to have a break. And it does sound like you could really do with one. Do you have a Homestart scheme near you? I think you should really try to find out if there is any way you could have a break.

Also what do you think about going back to the GP? Sounds like you might need a different dose/medication if you are still feeling very down?

Have you been offered counselling? There is some you can do over the phone. Medication doesn't work for everyone, atleast it can take a while to get the does/type right.

I also have family with mh issues and it's really helped to be able to talk things through. Ask your gp to refer you, there will be a waiting list but it's better to be moving to the top of the list than doing nothing.

Try googling your area + parenting classes. Sometimes they have a creche and it might help you communicate with and enjoy your dc.

Thank you everyone,a lot of it is that I see people dealing with a lot worse and I then feel even more of a failure because I should be coping better,I have thought about counselling but cannot see how it would help to tell a stranger how miserable my life is,my gp wants me to give my meds another 5 weeks and then alter if no better.
I would NEVER harm my children,but have sometimes thought that this misery would end if I died

Do you have any relatives to give you regular breaks?

It sounds like you were getting on fine when your eldest was younger.
I think you need to remember that.
Because it means that essentially, it is the PNd that is causing you the problems.

Clueless where are you? I have a 7:5 yr old dd who would love someone to be her friend. Quite happy to arrange play dates and park trips if we're in the same area, I find getting out and having adult conversations really really helps.

When mine were babies I used to dream about walking away and never coming back.

You can't see how it would help because the pnd is making you feel hopeless. What have you got to lose? Anything is worth a try to stop you feeling like this.

And don't beat yourself up about how you should be coping. You are in a very tough situation, that a lot of people would not swop you for. Instead try and see what you have done well each day and acknowledge it, even little things like getting the kids meals etc.

is there a Homestart in your area? They can help you

And please go back to your gp

Thank you everyone,I'm in tears reading these comments, today was easier than yesterday,I think letting other know how I feel helped so thank you for listening,dragons I'm from south Wales,we went to the local park this afternoon ,getting out does help and once I manage to get out it helps,I've noticed I'm growing more reluctant to leave the house lately

Carry on talking when you want to. We are happy to listen.

I flet like that when i had pnd... I know it is hard when you are dpressed and have no money but do try to find ways of being childfree for periods of time eg. If you get a job, tax credits may help with nursery fees. Or the local authority gym may offer cheap creche for an hour. With my first i wanted to be with her all the time but after my 2nd i had pnd and really needed my space.

Cluesue, I know how you feel. It is really hard to never be away from your children long enough to miss them. It does get easier.

Unlikelyamazonian, is that meant to be helpful?! Honestly! You don't just give kids up like that. The op is depressed, prob worn out being a lone parent and needs support and help. Not idiotic comments like that.

Unlikelyamazonian. I think that is the worst post I have ever read on here

A poster has pnd and you suggest adoption.

I am reporting your post.

Unlikelyamazonian. Are you the poster whose child was very ill, or maybe died?