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Lone parents

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Original poster

Going to see a solicitor on Monday. How do I prepare?

35 replies

verystressed · 31/05/2006 19:36

I am not a lone parent yet, but have made an appointment to see a solicitor on Monday regarding a possible seperation from my husband.
I have tried everything to make my marraige work, but have now started to accept that things will never change & I need to make plans.
I know I have to take my marraige certificate, passport & a joint bill. Is there anything else?
H doesn't know I have made this appt & I am finding it all really hard.
Can anyone give me any tips on how to get through this & what I need to ask, as I cannot think straight atm.

OP posts:
LadySherlockofLGJ · 31/05/2006 19:40

bump

Freckle · 31/05/2006 19:41

Basically, you need to set out what your financial circumstances are, such as how the house is held (do you have a copy of the deeds - would be helpful if you do; most solicitors provide a copy to clients after they have purchased), details of bank accounts, your work/income, his work/income, children's details - school, any medical problems, special needs, etc.

The most important thing though is to have some idea of what you want to achieve. Have you decided that your marriage is really at an end? If so, do you want to start divorce proceedings? What sort of financial arrangements do you envisage for the future?

Not all family solicitors know a great deal about benefits available to single parent families. It might be worthwhile talking to CAB about this before seeing the solicitor so that you have a better idea of what you might be entitled to.

Original poster
verystressed · 31/05/2006 19:41

Thanks, LGJ.Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
verystressed · 31/05/2006 19:43

Thanks, freckle. She said I needed a joint household bill, but we don't have any, as our accounts are seperate. Will that matter?

OP posts:
Original poster
verystressed · 31/05/2006 19:46

So I need to get hold of one of his wage slips too?

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Freckle · 31/05/2006 19:46

Not certain why it needs to be joint unless it's to do with identification. All our bills are in dh's name Grin, so I'd be b&ggered too!

Take anything which shows you actually belong at your property. Do you have a letter from the Inland Revenue re child benefit? That doubles as identification and providing details of the children.

bubble99 · 31/05/2006 19:46

Do solicitors now have to advise/insist on mediation before they can act for a client seeking divorce?

Original poster
verystressed · 31/05/2006 19:49

Yes I do. I will have a search through his box of things, as I think house deeds are in there.

OP posts:
Freckle · 31/05/2006 19:50

A copy of his wage slip is useful but not essential. If you will be seeking legal aid, then you need to agree to mediation as this is a pre-requisite. However, mediation is not binding on either party. If he agrees, which he is likely to do if he feels he can come across as completely charming and totally undermine you, you can just go through the motions but then inform your solicitor that you want to proceed anyway. Anything agreed at mediation is not binding, but could be used to show intent, i.e. at the time of mediation you were prepared to agree to x, so you would have to show now why you are no longer prepared to agree to it. In your case, you simply say that you agreed because he intimidated you/it was the easy option to avoid further confrontation/whatever you feel about it.

Within divorce proceedings any agreement reached through mediation has to be ratified by the court.

Original poster
verystressed · 31/05/2006 19:51

It is horrible having to be in the same house as him atm. He knows something is very wrong as I am keeping my distance as much as possible. Will have to be careful that he doesn't smell a rat.

OP posts:
Original poster
verystressed · 31/05/2006 19:52

Oh, how scary!

OP posts:
Freckle · 31/05/2006 19:54

Hopefully he won't agree to it. The fact that you agree is enough to satisfy legal aid requirements. If he refuses, your legal aid entitlement is not affected.

MamaG · 31/05/2006 19:54

If you do go to mediation, don't sign ANY sort of agreemetn until your Solicitor has checked it out.

Try not to worry, it is very stressful seeing a Sol for the first time, but it will probably just be a chat about what you want to achieve and what you may be entitled to.

Don't panic about getting all your financial docs in order for the first appt - chances are you won't need them until you go to mediation anyway.

Mediators will see you both individually first before seeing you together. If your DH has been violent towards you, the mediators will not proceed and you should be able to get full legal aid. Remember though, legal aid is a loan, not a gift.

Original poster
verystressed · 31/05/2006 20:05

Wow - lots to take in! Thanks for the advice.Smile

OP posts:
batters · 31/05/2006 20:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
verystressed · 05/06/2006 20:40

Went today & got lots of useful info. Don't think the hugeness of it all has hit me yet though, as I am in an odd state of calm.
Can I just ask, is this first session supposed to be free, as she told me at the end that I needed to inform them of what I wanted to do next within the month & if she doesn't hear from me, she will just send me the bill for todays session.
I don't mind paying, but can't afford to pay out hundreds atm.

OP posts:
PanicPants · 05/06/2006 20:45

Speaking from experience it's best to sort it out together first and agree on the basic principles before it gets to the solicitor stage.

My ex-dh made it very difficult for me by refusing, disagreeing and generally being a pita.

It ended up costing me over £30K in a payoff, and over £4K in solicitors fees. AND it took nearly 18months for it all to go through.

I'm not bitter.................

Blu · 05/06/2006 20:51

Excellent - very well done, VS - good for you! Maybe the calm is because you have taken a pro-active step and picked up the reins! It can be a great feeling!

I know nothing about the legal aspects of divorce - perhaps Freckle or someone could clarify - is there a difference between going for a legal separation, or for divorce?

Also, re mediation: if someone had, for instance, been getting support from a recognised agency (Domestic Violence team, for e.g) for being in an abusive relationship, would they still be required to go to mediation?

Did you ask about legal Aid, VS? Hopefully, if you get it, the whole lot will be covere - but perhaps they bill you if you don't go through with it?

vitomum · 05/06/2006 20:53

Hi VS - sorry no useful advice on what to ask the solicitor but how ya doing? I'm glad the appointment went well.

Original poster
verystressed · 05/06/2006 21:08

I didn't ask about legal aid, Blu, as I assumed that was for people on benefits.
I was feeling pretty fuzzy headed by the time I left, so just accepted what she was saying. It is only now I am back home & digesting it all that I am thinking about this huge bill I may face!
My calm state is worrying me!
Panicpants, you have panicked me now!

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Original poster
verystressed · 05/06/2006 21:11

Am on the wine, while thinking this through!

OP posts:
Blu · 05/06/2006 21:27

No, no - don't panic Mr Jones!
I know nothing about Legal Aid either - but I don't think you have to be on benefits.
Don't worry - someone will be along to explain - and presumably you can talk to the solicitor about that. Smile

Blu · 05/06/2006 21:28

sorry - Corporal Jones, of course!

Original poster
verystressed · 05/06/2006 21:35
Grin Will phone solicitors. Probably not going to work tomorrow, as DS1 is pretty poorly, so may phone them then.
OP posts:
Uwila · 05/06/2006 22:13

Oh, you have been very strong VS. I'm impressed. Keep up the good work. Grin