Posting on behalf of my friend (a dad)

[RememberTheLovelyLieIns]

A close friend from work has a 10 month old, he has just got a court order for contact passed, starting at 2 hours twice a week then building up, supervised in a contact center to begin with. He has had no contact since she was a newborn, and is very nervous about her not seeing him as dad, and there being a permanent effect from the lack of relationship as a baby.

I said I don't think she will remember, but I really have no knowledge of how important the first year is regarding relationships.

Will she see him like any other dad after a few months of contact, or a few years, or will permanent damage have been done from no early on bonding?

Horribly smug responses on here. I hope your kids aren't damaged by the lack of contact with their dad.

I'm actually surprised at the amount of ridiculous presumptions being made about someone who nobody knows!?
OP, I'm sure if your friend keeps up regular contact with his dc then they will bond. Children who are adopted at older than this age bond and grow to love their adoptive parents. It's about consistency with children....from mothers and fathers! :)

My hubby saw DSD sporadically for 2.5years (by which I mean weekly for six weeks or so, then not at all for six months or so, then when she was two roughly once a month fir two hours or so, until finally court and regular contact ordered). She's six now and has an amazing bond with all of us :) the odd wibble when his ex plays funny nuggets aside, we're as close as we can be.

Baby is very young, there's plenty of time to work on that bond :)

*buggers not nuggets lol!

Kitty: FNF are not a Mackenzie organisation, they do not represent Mckenzies nor do they make any recommendations. What they do do is maintain a list of Mckenzies on their website as a service. FNF also do not represent individuals in court, this is not possible to do. In fact Mckenzies do not have that right also, only to attend the hearing and keep their mouths shut.

The reason why this thread may have gone a awry is that when certain untruths and mis-representations are made they need to be challenged otherwise the moon would be made of cheese.

FNF is actually listed on the CAFCASS leaflets - fwiw.

I have no allegiance to lostdad, but if you follow his postings they do come across as balanced and don't necessarily always fall on the side of the father.

Concreteblonde, you're thinking of Fathers 4 Justice, a completely different organisation.

Oldlady there is a fine line IMO - Ex is a signed up member of both

Vbisme -despite his (proven) abuse, my kids still have contact with their father. He doesn't like the fact that it's reduced, and closely monitored by social services and tells anyone who listens about his PSA Ex and how all the nasty people make up nasty false allegations about him. He doesn't tell them about his convictions though.

Fair enough, Concreteblonde, it was just your reference to costumes. Sorry about your ex, some people are just vile.

Sorry 3xcooked chips i had to laugh at your post lot dads posts are not balanced at all!!! Also Mackenzie friends that attend court DO say they are from FNF!!! They do not speak in the court room unless with the permission of the judge , that is true but they DO and can speak they also tell everyone that will listen that they are from FNF!!
If FNF in on cafcass leaflet it says it all dosent it!!!
FNF may well be a "parenting charity" that you have to be a paid member for. But in reality its a forum where men get together to find routes to stick it to there ex's its about fathers rights not parenting.

I hope your kids aren't damaged by the lack of contact with their dad
of course they are, especially by all the times he has arranged to see them and then not shown up, even leaving us standing waiting at a station and switching off his phone.
of course to anyone who will listen to him I 'kidnapped' them and prevented contact, so much easier than actualy doing any parenting or engaging with them.

I am assuming that because the contact is initially court ordered that there is hostility between him and his ex? My point of view is that having the courts involved at all is a shame, but in this instance the little one won't have any knowledge of this when she's older. In much the same way if the Dad provides a loving, consistent and nurturing environment that will be all she knows, and there is no impediment whatsoever to the bonding between the two.

Back to the acrimonious situation between your friend and his ex, without knowing the particulars the broad strokes advice I would give him is to drop any and all negativity towards the mother as much as is possible. I say that without knowing who was wrong or right here because ultimately that doesn't matter. The win condition is that this little girl grows up knowing two parents that love her.

Tell him to take every moment with this little soul as precious, and maximise it. Build that bond, and be aware that at this stage treat mum and baby the same. A stressed and unbalanced Mum passes that anxiety to the little one. If courts have been involved, try and shift to mediation and make it crystal clear that your goal here isn't to conflict, but to co-parent. If there was anything in the break up he was responsible for make an apology, and smooth things over, if he was wronged try to put a full stop on it and take a positive step forward.

As a NRP Dad of a baby myself, I've been a little turned off Father's 4 Justice and Family's Need Fathers, because the issue isn't really around Father's it is around Children, and there isn't a court in the land that won't support an NRP in an earnest desire to be a constant presence in their children's lives. That said if things are that toxic find a good family lawyer keep contact to the ex in written form, be reliable, and don't inflame anything. Delegate that worry to a good solicitor and pour your every energy into bieng the best parent you can. You cannot win every battle life throws at you, but identify where you can make the most positive impact and focus on that. At the moment it's those precious two hours once a week!