struggling to accept step son

[nurseneedshelp]

Hi all, really struggling at the moment and really need some help and advice please.

My DP has a son aged 6.

We've been together about 18 months, our relationship is brilliant and were really happy together.

I was introduced to his son about 6 months ago and I'm struggling big time to get on with him.

He's seems so young compared to me two (11 and 9)
And hes really hard work, whinges and cries constantly.
I'm trying to be patient and understanding that this is all new to him but he iritates me???
My two are struggling too and find his constant tantrums difficult to cope with.

Were all on holiday this week for the first time and its been awful and I can't wait to get home. We've been away before without his DS and had a fantastic time.

Please don't flame me, I feel awful for feeling like this towards his son and am desperate for any advice.

Hi

Don't know exactly how you feel but when I was 18 my mum found a new partner with an 8 year old son! He done everyone's head in!!! He constantly whined & lied & never listened!...he was literally an embarrassment to my mum as me & my siblings never behaved like that!!! That boy is now 18 & wow I love him so much!!! He's 1 of us & I couldn't imagine life without him!!! It's so hard!!! If he is with his mother alot like my step brother was its very difficult as he was never disciplined & behaved as he would with his mum.Has your partner tried talking to him like an adult even though he's still very young? ;-)

You might get some advice on on the step parents forum :

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/stepparenting

Thanks guys! Been another shit afternoon/evening but I've had gotta be positive.

I'll have a nosy at that link tomorrow, thank you.

If it helps my DS (3) irritates me with his whining, tantrums, non-stop energy and ruining of holidays and I have a sneaky feeling he will still be the same at 8! I wish my Ex was in contact so I could get a break from it all but he isn't as he is an arse and his new wife doesn't want kids.

Be thankful it is only for a short time and have some patience with him he is only 8 and lost his dad to another family...well that is how he may see it anyway. Plus he has to watch his dad be a parent to two other bigger boys imagine how confusing that is for him after only 6 months. Give him time and make sure that his dad spends one on one time with him.

I don't think your feelings are necessarily to do with being a step parent but more to do with spending time with a demanding child. So please try not to beat yourself up about it. I suggest you go over the top on positive praise, reassurance etc ignore the bad behaviour as much as you can as this helps minimise my DS tantrums although I find it very hard to do at times. There are many days when I think 'thank god it's bedtime, thank god I am going to work' to get away from my own DS.

I know how hard it is and must be even more difficult when he isn't your own. If you think he is very strong willed and thats causing the behaviour then get a book called 'dealing with a strong willed child' or something like as it has some good pointers.

Don't beat yourself up. The fact that you are posting on here means you are a caring person and want some advice on what to do so that you can all get along better. He is probably just having a hard time adjusting to sharing his dad. Maybe he still has hurt and sadness left over from the break up of his parents. Step mums can be firm and fair and children will see this and still be fond of them. Have a heart to heart about how to make the little boy happier with his dad. It could be a case of being firmer with him and setting up a rewards system? Does he get enough time alone with his dad aswell?

One of my DCS is a bit younger but resents massively that the new partners children get to see, spend more time with their Dad than they do.

When DC is round at the other house, they want time with Dad on their own aswell. The concept of sharing him is not possible - they just want their Dad back.Example, dad put Dc on his shoulders, Dc then made to get off so her two children had a go. A 6 yr old pointed out that they got more time than they did because there were two of them and they should not ahve more time when they were there, as they got him more than they did.

Went away for a long weekend, the only time they got Dad only time was when they walked to a shop - everything else had to be shared. Very hard when DC sees it as they have two Daddies and I only get a bit of my Daddy, they steal the rest.

It is not easy

I do wonder if that's how my Dp feels about my whiny 3 year old! I find my own kids hard to like at times!