ST ExH today called himself "a glorified fucking babysitter"

[aliciaflorrick]

The reason why, because I asked him why he'd returned the DCs an hour early this morning, and this is the first time he's seen them since 10th March and before that he had them overnight one Saturday in January. So the third time he's had contact with them this year!

Yes, I did go out on Friday night and Saturday afternoon while I was child free, but really you'd think if he saw so little of his DCs he wouldn't be rushing them back an hour early on a Sunday morning.

DS1 also needs passport photos for school tomorrow, I asked him to get them taken, but he didn't, because it's his one day with them and apparently he didn't want to waste all day getting sitting in a photo booth and having photos taken. I did point out I would have done it myself but needed to have DS1 with me to have done so. So poor old DS1 is going to get in trouble tomorrow at school because his fuckwit Father couldn't perform one simple task.

I wonder how he sees me then when I'm the one looking after them 24/7? Childminder? Nanny?

I despair of this man - he's also told me today that I don't allow the DCs enough time on the computer/internet. They're allowed two hours on non school days (so they have six hours a week - but I don't put this up in the holidays) which I think is more than enough, but apparently they've been weeping (and that was the word he used) this weekend because their computer/x-box/ipad time is so limited. They are aged 10 and 8 by the way.

And bedtime is too early, they go to bed at 7.30, because they get up at 6.30, catch the school bus at 7.30 and then return home on a night at 5.15, do homework and then are knackered, but according to him 7.30 is too early they need to be staying up later so that they can play on their computer.

I'm ranting because only have the DCs here and can't vent at them, but FFS he's a complete tosser. I'm not even going to start on the I can only see the DCs one weekend every two months because I have no money to fly out on cheapo Ryanair, but by the way have you seen my lovely shiny Apple Mac laptop I bought this month, or my new 3D TV, smart DVD player, and also I'm am off to a couple of gigs this month, but I have no money. One day the DCs are going to realise exactly where they are in his priorities, it's so sad.

[IneedAsockamnesty]

Bugger sorry got my threads mixed up.

[SignoraStronza]

He sounds like a prize twunt OP.

My ex, after demanding to have dc the whole back holiday weekend for his monthly visit (because of wanting to spend more time with her), then tried to wriggle out of usual Sat morning pick up. He's far too busy and important at work, therefore might have been to tired after his international jetsetting to make it much before late afternoon evening.

I might have exhasperatedly muttered 'fuck off' by the end of the discussion, to which I received an email tirade of piousness about swearing in front of our daughter (who was outside with her friends, oblivious).

I reminded him my reasons for leaving him included being sworn at in three languages and regularly hit, spat on, kicked and abused - often while I was actually holding her.

[zxcv123]

I have also had the "I'm just a glorified babysitter" comment hurled at me - and I think it stems from such men's hatred of the loss of control/power they are now experiencing. All your XH's comments about your DC's bedtimes, computer times etc all relate to him wanting to control what you do in your own house.

Don't give him the satisfaction of even worrying about it. What he thinks is irrelevant. Any time he makes comments like that, just smile and ignore. You need to parent in your own way, making rules that work for you. If your XH wants to parent in a different way when the DCs are with him, that's up to him, but he has no say over what goes on in your house.

PS One time when my XH said I only used him as a babysitter, I laughed in his face, saying that if he were a babysitter I'd have sacked him. Far too unreliable to be used again. That soon shut him up.

[aliciaflorrick]

Tonight's little episode. Whenever he rings it's at the same time of day, but we don't know what day it's going to be because he won't commit to a day to call, so it's just when he feels like it or when he's not at home with OW. He's been ringing at the same time on and off for a few days, but we don't answer the phone, because we're not in. Anyone with an ounce of common sense would try ringing at a different time, but no he just leaves an abusive message on the answerphone about not picking up.

When I spoke to him on Sunday I told him we weren't in at this time and to try another time.

It's a control thing isn't it? Trying to get me to change my plans so that we're in the house when he calls, even though we don't know what day he's going to call on.

[LouiseSmith]

Don't be in when he comes back early. Simple!!

And it will annoy him too :)

xx

[zxcv123]

Alicia - Yes, it's a control thing. He'd like for you all to be permanently in the house awaiting his call. Whatever you do, don't get dragged into his dramas or feel that you need to make any changes so that you are at home when he calls.

Maybe once he realises you won't rise to his bait, he'll calm down a bit and start behaving like a grown-up? E.g. only a twunt would refuse to buy his children a toothbrush when you hadn't packed it, so I'm guessing this was done to try to provoke a reaction from you. If he succeeds in provoking a scene, that proves to himself that he is still in control of you & the children. If you disengage, eventually he will work out that you are your own person & not under his thumb.