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Lone parents

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Original poster

Jeez this dating malarky is an expensive hobby.

29 replies

frazzlerock · 31/10/2012 08:57

I actually don't think I can afford to do this anymore.

It's at least £20 before I've even left the house then paying halves for drinks/meals.
A lot of the time the guys offer to pay for the meal/drinks but I feel a bit weird accepting.
Then, when I meet someone I like and we meet two/three times a week that's £60 just in babysitting per week!

Am I destined to be single until my children are old enough to look after themselves?
Say it isn't so! Shock

OP posts:
DoubleYew · 31/10/2012 09:17

Can you swop babysitting with another parent? Would mean looking after more children but atleast it would be free.

Original poster
frazzlerock · 31/10/2012 09:59

Not really, as it would mean bringing my children over to their house at, say, 7:30pm and could be there until midnight...

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queenofthepirates · 31/10/2012 10:53

I'd suggest overcoming the weird and letting them pay! They won't thank you if you run out of savings and can't see them again.....

With the long cold nights, perhaps if you had them over (eventually) to your house and you could cook together, watch a DVD, play scrabble. You can make it clear that overnight stays aren't on the cards if you're not there yet but any understanding bloke should be okay with that.

Hope that helps, it's what my BF and I have done, between us we have 4 kids so no stranger to the circumstances.

purpleroses · 31/10/2012 11:27

Go for a coffee in the daytime instead - much cheaper and it's a long enough time to know whether it's worth forking out for a sitter. If your DCs are pre-school it's easy enough to find a playdate for an hour or two, or if you work, use your lunch hour.

Once you get started in a relationship it is difficult to keep forking out - I ended up having (now) DP round at mine pretty soon, after I'd got the kids off to bed, but appreciate that not everyone is happy to do that.

If you find a local teenager you may be able to get a night out for a bit less than £20 - £5 an hour is the going rate round here.

sausagesandwich34 · 31/10/2012 11:30

daytime dates are the way to go

and definitely overcome the weird and let them pay
I found that the guys I dated once they realised I had paid a babysitter insisted on it

packed it in now because the deadbeats put me off but I know what you mean about it being expensive

Original poster
frazzlerock · 31/10/2012 12:14

Daytime dates don't work very well as they often work Mon-Fri and a lot of people don't get much of a lunchbreak these days... Plus I pick my youngest up from nursery at 11:30am.

Purpleroses - My babysitters do charge £5 an hour. That's for four hours from about 7:30 - 11:30 which is, I think, normal for an evening out. I could go out for less time and get them to come to pub/bar/restaurant very local to me so I'm not spending much time travelling. That could definitely work. Although, they all seem to live in North London and I'm SW. That could take them a good hour each way!

OP posts:
purpleroses · 31/10/2012 12:43

Could you do a Saturday or Sunday daytime? Drop your kids off for a play with a friend?

No reason not to expect them to do the travelling - as you're the one who's having to pay for a sitter I think. But I'd share your feelings about having them pay for a meal - seems to set things up wrong from the start to have them pay for everything.

Daddelion · 31/10/2012 13:58

From a single-Dad's point of view

I stopped Internet dating, as on a good few dates, I was expected to pay for everything, it was costing me a fortune.

So every date was at least 50-50 and most were 90-100%.

Original poster
frazzlerock · 31/10/2012 14:58

Really? Women expect you to pay? Shock That's rather cheeky and presumptuous!

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Daddelion · 31/10/2012 17:54

I think you'll find it's kind of an unwritten rule.

There's been a few threads on here about men paying on the first date, and with Internet dating there's a few first dates.

Anyway I've given up on that now, for that and other reasons.

Norem · 31/10/2012 19:11

Do you have a spare room?
When I was single and studying I had au pairs, this would give you much more flexibility with work and play :)

LizLem0n · 31/10/2012 19:16

I'm seeing a man who would pay for everything if I let him, and he's not got loads of money by any means. I do pay for things but I'd say about 20% of what we do... He knows I have to pay for a babysitter before I leave the house though. We've discussed it though, awkward conversation that it was 0_o. I said I felt embarrassed to be sitting on my hands but he said he looked at the bigger picture and glossed over it. So that was a relief to me. He doesn't have lots of money but he does have a salary which is more than I do. It's tricky though. He realises I have to pay a babysitter, but a man without children himself might not get it.

I wish you lived on my street! we could take turns to babysit for each other. I do have one single friend but her dc wouldn't settle in my house [sigh]

expatinscotland · 31/10/2012 19:19

I couldn't be arsed dating.

LizLem0n · 31/10/2012 19:20

Daddelion, were you asking the women out for a meal? why not ask them out for a coffee and then you can say 'i'll get this' and everbody's happy. You look chivalrous and the awkwardness of paying 2.20 each for a coffee is avoided! If a man wanted to go Dutch on the first date then I'd assume he wasn't exactly blown away by me. There'd be no second date.

LizLem0n · 31/10/2012 19:24

expat,you're married! aren't you? I'm not sure the relationship I'm in is going to last as even though he's lovely the conversation isn't the best bit. That sounds awful. But when this fizzles out I reckon I'm going to be single again for a long time. What ages are your kids frazzle? I reckon I could go out without getting a babysitter in about four years!

expatinscotland · 31/10/2012 19:37

Even when I wasn't, I stopped because I couldn't be arsed.

FannyBazaar · 31/10/2012 20:14

I'm definitely a fan of lunch time dates although only every managed one of those Wink. I have a friend who babysits as a favour to me every now and again, no charge but she has DS at her's so it is more to arrange, getting his bag packed and sorting out pick up and drop off. I'd never expect a man to pay and always expect to go dutch. I did manage to get myself a date with someone who forgot his wallet, it was only drinks and not too pricey a pub but I'm not too convinced he didn't do this on a regular basis Sad.

Original poster
frazzlerock · 31/10/2012 20:41

No spare room so no Au Pair for me I'm afraid. I've not even got a spare inch at my teeny weeny flat.
My children are 3 and 7 so quite a few more years before I can leave them alone. I'd quite like to have met someone by then, I'm 33yrs old and might (might!) want another child at some stage.
Besides I've been separated from my husband for 2.5 years now and fancy a bit of company! Maybe I should get a dog.
That sounds very wrong doesn't it....

OP posts:
purpleroses · 31/10/2012 20:45

I'm not sure you should be leaving the dog to babysit.....

Original poster
frazzlerock · 31/10/2012 20:46

Arf!

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nuks · 31/10/2012 21:12

@frazzlerocks I'm in SW (greater) London too and have the same problem, if you're close perhaps we can exchange b-sitting favours :)

Not that I date too much these days but I would love to... I say no too many times, even to friends' invites - it's enough I pay for a childminder before/after school.

@to those who suggested lunch time dates - really? I can't get myself in dating mood over lunch time at work, plus that means dating only local (to workplace) people.

Original poster
frazzlerock · 31/10/2012 21:17

nuks, I'm in Colliers Wood. I don't know how swapping babysitting would work?

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Original poster
frazzlerock · 31/10/2012 21:19

Also lunchtime dating, I agree. I find I need a couple of alcoholic drinks to get me to come out of myself.
I'd come across as mega boring at lunchtime or going for a coffee.

OP posts:
nuks · 31/10/2012 21:30

well it depends how old the children are and i was thinking - shorter dates right after work.

i'm too far though, richmond.

Original poster
frazzlerock · 31/10/2012 21:32

ah right. Yeah too far, but nice idea anyway Smile

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