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Original poster

Need to rant - fucking ex and his fucking CSA bollocks

49 replies

PerspectiveUrgentlyRequired · 09/09/2012 19:35

I'm fucking raging. For the 3rd time, my ex has managed to fucking manipulate his earnings to reduce maintenance. For the third fucking time. And I'm just sick of being pissed about, knowing he earns more, then he stops working overtime, asks for another assessment, and gets the money reduced. He pays nothing over and above maintenance. Not a fucking penny. I pay everything, and I am barely keeping myself afloat. His contribution barely amounted to 1/3rd of what I pay every month in things DD needs/costs, and now he's managed to reduce the money he pays by £75 a month. I've already lost £50 in tax credits, £50 in wages due to childcare problems, and my mortgage has gone up by £60. And that bastard had a fucking cheek to smile smugly while showing me his CSA letter confirming they had reduced his payments. I'm fucked financially. I'm just so utterly fucked off with that shitty fucking CSA, where he gets the fucking chance to manipulate their assessment every fucking time. Those tory bastards think it's 'not cost effective for tax payers' to fund the CSA - no fucking wonder when they carry out one assessment on what my ex is obliged to provide them with, and then repeat the same fucking assessment on his manipulated earnings, and reduce the amount. 3 fucking times.

I'm fucking sick of it. Angry

OP posts:
corlan · 09/09/2012 19:40

May the fleas of a thousand camels infest his bum hole.

Original poster
PerspectiveUrgentlyRequired · 09/09/2012 19:48

Grin thank you corlan. That is just what I needed to hear!

OP posts:
VintageEbonyGold · 09/09/2012 19:56

Grin Corlan brilliant.

He sounds like an ultimate twat.

queenofthepirates · 09/09/2012 22:04

I reserve the use of the c-word for gentlemen of his persuasion. He will reap what his sows in the flames of Hades with a big red poker up his derrière. His time will come sweetie but in the meantime, sending you a big hug xx

Original poster
PerspectiveUrgentlyRequired · 09/09/2012 22:34

I think you are all on my wavelength. Wink Thank you. It takes the 'sting' out of my anger and I can continue to smile through gritted teeth when dealing with the prick.

OP posts:
Happylander · 10/09/2012 17:58

What an utter fucking loser. Why do men think that doing this is good for their children. Mine went to the CSA to reduce what he paid me. Mortgage gone up also. Luckily I can work extra shifts to make up for the shortfall but how that benefits my DS I don't know.

He think he needs more up his arse than some fleas!

Big hug x

peppapigpants · 10/09/2012 22:29

My ex thinks he can reduce the child support payments because there is another person living with us now, and backdate the reduction to the period he considers we began to cohabit (last year, in his opinion) - it hasn't even been three weeks yet.

On this occasion though, letting the CSA deal with it secures the best outcome. Sorry it hasn't worked out so well for you.

JohnFree · 14/09/2012 13:31

Why does he not want to pay ? As in everyone has the choice of paying or not in as much as they choose to go to work or not. Any system that has rules can be manipulated. Would it not be better to look at your own behaviour and say work out ways of involving him more with the kids or maybe trying to build some kind of working relationship with him where you show some appreciation for the contributions he makes. The more threats or hassle he gets from the CSA or yourself the more I think he will decide to fight it.

moomoo1967 · 14/09/2012 13:45

I feel for you I am in a similar situation with git features as I call him

PostBellumBugsy · 14/09/2012 13:52

Sympathy too. Mine is a tightarse too & every request for even the minimum maintenance is a grim battle.
I comfort myself by thinking that these men will die lonely in care homes with no visits from their DCs and then get the fleas of a thousand camels & hot pokers in their bumholes for the rest of eternity!!!! Grin

SaskiaRembrandtWasFramed · 14/09/2012 14:04

JohnFree

Guessing this will be deleted but .... odd choice for a first post!

Bossybritches22 · 14/09/2012 14:09

OP -is there anyway you can prove hie income is more than he declares?

Obviously the CSA are going on whatever info they have from him. However they can ask employers/HR depts for true figures I think if they have reason to believe they are being manipiulated. Can you write to them asking for the figures to be re-assessed further & his situation investigated?

StaceymReadyForNumber3 · 14/09/2012 14:11

johnfree Hmm

Op I feel for u my XH has never paid more than csa have recommended. Somehow I doubt 38 quid a week covers what 2 dcs need!

I hope your financial situation improves, ive been there and it's shit. Thankfully I'm out the other side and can laugh when my dcs tell me daddy has more money than me because he buys them bloody moshy monster cards Hmm soon they will see the savings I have made for them and ask him where his contribution is!

Bossybritches22 · 14/09/2012 14:13

Johnfree

If you really are a new poster then you will not know but soon appreciate that there are times when a good old rant for a LP is quite cathartic & sanctimonious statements about "building a working relationship" are not quite the thing needed here!

Grin
TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 14/09/2012 14:15

JohnFree the OP hasn't said anything about how much time her ex spends with the kids.

ShiirleyKnott · 14/09/2012 14:15

Oh johnfree. Children aren't pay per view sweetcheeks. More contact doesn't equal more maintenance.

Any man who doesn't pay for his children is scum.

OP - have the CSA been in touch with you about this reduction yet?

PostBellumBugsy · 14/09/2012 14:18

Perspective, on a more practical note, from what I understand the child maintenance system is due to change again. Under the new system, CSA will be able to get figures of income from HMRC, as per the tax return. I literally cannot wait for this to happen, as I'm fairly sure it will make a huge difference to what I get.
Lordy Johnfree, most of us would love to have a decent relationship with our exes and recognise the contributions that they make - it would be alot less hassle & make our lives infinitely more pleasant. It is just a shame our exes don't see it that way & make every effort to shirk their financial responsibilities to their children!

StaceymReadyForNumber3 · 14/09/2012 14:20

where you show some appreciation for the contributions he makes.

Sorry but.. what?!

I am not showing my XH appreciation for the minimal contributions he makes to the upbringing of his dcs! The idea is ludicrous! Why should nrp's be babied like this? Why would my appreciation be sought anyway, he should want to provide for his children

Am now stepping away from the thread as its making me angry!

IawnCont · 14/09/2012 14:25

JohnFree I wonder if you'd expect the father of the child to show appreciation to the OP for the financial and emotional contribution she makes? Seeing as OP didn't say anything about how much he sees/wants to see the child, you're making a whole lot of assumptions there...

PutABellOnMe · 14/09/2012 14:28

This is why I'm not going through CSA and instead going directly to my ex-boyfriend for maintenance. I know CSA would ask him to pay a lot less than he can actually afford, which is pathetic as far as I am concerned.

StaceymReadyForNumber3 · 14/09/2012 14:36

Putabellonme that's great if they will actually cough up direct. I ended up with an attachment to earnings order on XH as he wouldn't voluntarily pay up even to csa.

JohnFree · 14/09/2012 14:40

Sorry my post was meant to be constructive and really to point out there is more than one way to get what you want from a situation. There is a definite need for a CSA like organisation but laying it all on them and not taking more responsibility for the situation yourself may not give you the desired outcome.

"Oh johnfree. Children aren't pay per view sweetcheeks. More contact doesn't equal more maintenance." - It may do.

"CSA will be able to get figures of income from HMRC, as per the tax return. I literally cannot wait for this to happen, as I'm fairly sure it will make a huge difference to what I get." - Look into how Sir Chris Hoy "manages" his income through company loans, all perfectly legal and recorded by HMRC. I'm not an expert in it so who knows but my point is any system that is set up without a certain amount of good will can and probably will be manipulated.

PostBellumBugsy · 14/09/2012 14:47

JohnFree - most of us on here, already take the lions share of responsibility for raising the children that our exes helped to make. I can't comment on everyone's situation, but I work full time & look after two children. My ex has them one night every two weeks and thinks nothing of cancelling. When he had the affair & left us, I sought concilliatory measures first at every turn. I suggested counselling, mediation and so on. But no, he would not cooperate. So, you are left with no option but to seek recourse to the CSA or the courts. Many of us have been fighting battles to get the minimum in maintenance for our children for most of our children's lives! We wouldn't be doing it, unless we had to. If there were a better way, we would be doing it that way!!!!!!!

SaskiaRembrandtWasFramed · 14/09/2012 14:51

Thinking about it, JohnFree is right. All the absent fathers would pay maintenance for their children if only the mothers would stroke their egos, and mollycoddle them a bit - maybe let them take your free goat to the park, I bet that would get them onside!

JohnFree · 14/09/2012 15:03

"JohnFree I wonder if you'd expect the father of the child to show appreciation to the OP for the financial and emotional contribution she makes? " - Absolutely

"All the absent fathers would pay maintenance for their children if only the mothers would stroke their egos," - It may work better than setting the CSA loose on him.