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Original poster

is this normal -toiletries and stuff for weekend access

27 replies

workshy · 31/08/2012 12:13

DDs have been to their grandparents every other weekend for the last 2 years as there dad only had a tiny flat so it was easier if they all stayed at the grandparents (he stayed too)

they have kept a change of clothes and toiletries there -I have no idea who paid for them but I'm guessing MIL

he has now bought a house and the DDs will have a bedroom there, but he doesn't want them to keep stuff there for their weekend stays, he wants them to take everything to school with them for the weekend (change over is done around school drop offs/pick ups)

he doesn't want them to have a bottle of shampoo and their toothbrushes becuase he doesn't want the clutter???

is this just another way of getting me to pay out more money (not a lot in the grand scheme of things but when what he pays doesn't even cover school dinners these things matter) or is he just trying to wind me up with the tremendous faff of packing up bags on thursday evening and then having to unpack and deal with washing and stuff?

OP posts:
5madthings · 31/08/2012 12:16

he is just being a pita, they should have their own stuff at his house!

it will be a faff for you and for the children. i cant imagine the school will want htem taking in a back of weekend stuff with them either. where is going to go, most cloakrooms etc arent that big and stuff gets lots, muddled up etc, you would have to label everything that they take for the weekend, its just a big pita and he should have stuff for them at his house.

Snorbs · 31/08/2012 12:17

He is being an utter cock. Don't bother trying to work out the reasons for his cockness or why, in this particular instance, he decided to exhibit his cocklike behaviour in this particular way. He's just being a cock and I would point-blank refuse to pander to such nonsense.

3xcookedchips · 31/08/2012 13:26

He's being a d1ck!

Athendof · 31/08/2012 14:03

This is a difficult one and can bring a lot of misery over the years if managed badly. I would try to get the grandmother on your side so hopefully she can explain to him why having her own stuff at his house would make his child feel like she also belongs there rather than feeling like a visitor. And it would save you from endless arguments when either of you forget to pack/or return something the child needs during the week.

cestlavielife · 31/08/2012 14:06

how old are they? old enouh to worry in which case elt them pack heir fav shampoo etc but if young then dont bother.

jsut keep forgetting to pack and that way he will have to get stuff

Meglet · 31/08/2012 14:08

He's being a prick.

The dc's will feel more at home if they have a small stash of things at his house. My dad always kept a basket of our toiletries at his house so we could stay whenever we wanted. I think we had pj's too and toys too.

crackcrackcrak · 31/08/2012 15:45

That's really sad. Isn't his place supposed to be a second home? Why can't he bother his arse to put them away in a cupboard between visits.
Why? Does he want to have women over and pretend he isn't a father?

Original poster
workshy · 31/08/2012 17:01

they are 8&11

the 8 yo would probably be happy not to wash Hmm but the 11yo is very much into preening

when we first split he said his house would be a second home and he would have the dcs as much as he could -over time this has changed to 'I'll have them my weekends and no more'

he has got a girlfriend, she has a child who has no contact with his father -my DCs don't know about the child so perhaps he doesn't know about them either?

OP posts:
keepingupwiththejoneses · 31/08/2012 17:03

He is being an idiot. Although it did occur to me as I read your post that it is possible his new woman doesn't know he has dc, maybe that is why he doesn't want their things around his house!

Original poster
workshy · 31/08/2012 17:12

oh god -hadn't even occured to me as he has told the dcs about her but not introduced them

(he's asked me about them meeting and I've told him it's not my decision to make who he introduces them to but I would appreciate him waiting until he was confident it was a long term relationship -get me!! lol)

I hope he has told her!

OP posts:
MagicHouse · 31/08/2012 19:45

Sounds really strange! And doesn't really make sense - surely they would have far too much stuff there to take to school if he doesn't want them to leave ANYTHING there?? Can you talk to him abou it?

Original poster
workshy · 31/08/2012 19:48

they are only there from friday tea time until monday morning

he doesn't do talking

OP posts:
purpleroses · 31/08/2012 20:04

Agree he's being petty and out of order. Would suggest talking to his mother to see if she can explain to him that now he's a big grown up with a place of his own and two DCs he needs to buy that sort of thing for them.

And if that fails deliver them with the stuff they need and a box to keep it all in that he can tidy away. Taking stuff between houses via school is a nightmare.

MagicHouse · 31/08/2012 20:26

hmm! Can relate to the "doesn't do talking" thing! How about an email saying taking toiletries to school is not easy and that it makes more sense to leave them with him. Then ask him what his reasons are for not wanting to leave them at his house?

Regukar Fridays til Monday is long enough to need to leave stuff there.

crackcrackcrak · 31/08/2012 21:02

they need to leave stuff there because that is their dad and this is his home.

NatashaBee · 31/08/2012 21:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
workshy · 31/08/2012 21:06

no point talking to his mum because he doesn't do talking to her either Hmm

if it was up to me they would have some pjs, 2 or 3 outfits, some books and toiletries at their dad's and they should feel welcome, but as he frequently tells me, what he chooses to do in his time with the DCs is none of my business

OP posts:
crackcrackcrak · 31/08/2012 22:19

Workshy you are of course right and not even slightly unreasonable. His attitude is poor Sad

Latemates · 01/09/2012 12:16

Thechildren need hishometo be thierhome. Therefore,they should have everything they needthere Inc, clothes, toiletries, toys/age appropriate activities, own beds/bedroom, bedding, posters etc

Sassybeast · 01/09/2012 12:41

He is being ridiculous. My eldest was mortified at having to take an overnight bag to school because her dad wouldn't keep anything at his.
If he point blank refuses, then you'll have to bite the bullet and bulk buy some stuff, deliver it to his house and dare him to get rid of it....

DaniCalifornia · 01/09/2012 12:46

The kids are getting old enough to make their own decisions about visiting. This is precisely the type of behaviour which will led to them stoppinf access.

Just say no. He is responsible for his relationship with his children. If he can't be prepared to actually to do the bare minimum, then he isn't much of a father.

ivykaty44 · 02/09/2012 16:31

Hand it straight back to him

Well I will leave you to sort out the toiletries etc and you can get the girls to keep the stuff with their gym bag at school.

Don't get involved in the game

Oh sorry I wouldn't know which to buy etc you sort it out for your place as I might get it wrong or forget it so best I don't get involved

avenueone · 02/09/2012 17:22

When they are in his care he needs to provide whatever it is that is required to meet their needs.

Beamur · 02/09/2012 18:21

It's not a reasonable request. They should have access to what toiletries they need at his house - and he should buy them. End of.

LittleSugaPlum · 03/09/2012 15:17

Does he want to have women over and pretend he isn't a father?

This is a very good point!! The fact that he doesnt want any childrens things in his house suggests he doesnt want anyone to know children are around, stay there etc... very strange.

Its actually more hard work carting stuff between each houses as things get forgotten, thats when arguements start etc as essential things have been forgotten to go back. Its a real PITA.

Not having anything there for the kids sort of dodges responsibility regarding washing, making sure they dont run out of stuff etc and thats also something that he could be avoiding

When they stayed at his mums, did you have to take stuff backwards and forwards then?

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