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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Absent father...would you contact his family?

43 replies

Fifi2406 · 31/07/2012 22:17

I have no contact with my son's dad, haven't since I was 9 weeks pregnant apart from ONE chance meeting in a car park when I bumped into him in the city he lives when my son was 4 months old (i live near london, he is from Leicester) he doesnt contribute and has seen his son once, should I get in contact with his family? Which would be through facebook but they aren't on my friends list. I dont really know what I am hoping to happen but its on my mind constantly! what would you do?

OP posts:

happygolucky0 · 01/08/2012 20:02

sorry MakeitALarge was meant to say !!

Olympicnmix · 01/08/2012 20:23

If he has an unusual name he must be traceable. He has a responsibility to financially support his child.

mummymcphee · 01/08/2012 21:56

Hi fifi ! I have contacted my dd's paternal grandmother via facebook. I made it clear I did not want money from her but to establish a relationship between her and her grandaughter should she want it.

A couple of months later I got a positive response and she added me as a friend on facebook. Her son had not told her about the baby. She is now regularly in touch for updates and I have sent photos. She lives in France and has invited us there for a holiday.

I think you should try and contact the grandmother but decide what you want from the relationship first.

Original poster

Fifi2406 · 01/08/2012 22:18

I don't want to be part of the family, I want my son to be! I want him to know them all especially as my side of the family is so small and his is quite big! I think I will contact her! Just gotta find the right words? What on earth do you say? I don't want money from any of them! I struggle being able to by things for myself but my son does not go without I don't need his money I want my son to have his dad/grandparents etc!

I would never ever get back together with him it's gone way past that, I'd never forgive him!

You would think it would be easy to find him! They said they found a person of that age and name but I didn't have enough evidence to prove that person was him and I'd be surprised how many people had similar names the woman I spoke to was quite rude actually!

OP posts:

Original poster

Fifi2406 · 01/08/2012 22:19

Thanks everyone! Especially those who have had the same situation! Sometimes you feel like you're the only one!

OP posts:

mummymcphee · 01/08/2012 22:34

Good luck with it all! Just stick to facts in your email ..... but I do think adding in not wanting money will increase your chances of a positive response. I also think it might help to think of building a relationship with the grandmother as being a long slow process rather than expecting instant results. I got upset when I didn't hear back immediately and then gradually forgot I sent the email until I got a lovely message one day.

It is very hard being a lone parent and I have found the absent father/family thing one of the most difficult things to get my head around.

MummytoLO · 02/08/2012 09:32

I am in the same situation. DD's dad has not been in touch although I send him pictures and updates. Needless to say, he does not pay.

I am now thinking about contacting his sister. I don't expect much.
But one day, when DD asks about her dad, I want to be able to say: Honey, I tried.

PerspectiveUrgentlyRequired · 02/08/2012 09:45

I disagree with mummymcphee about stating you are not looking for money. You just don't need to mention money at all. Specifically stating you are not after money, while knowing the CSA have been trying to find their son, just serves as a contradiction, and will cause more problems IMO. You just need to keep it simple, stick to basic facts, and maybe ask if they want to meet their grandson.

Good luck.

Sighingagain · 02/08/2012 09:48

I know someone who recently did this - it has worked out really well - they had no idea of GS existence and are mortified by their sons behaviour.

Original poster

Fifi2406 · 02/08/2012 11:41

The people who have done it all seem positive about me going ahead and sending her a MSG. I'm not going to mention money at all I don't think it's needed! And not expect a positive outcome from it prepare for the worst and anything positive is a bonus if not then I will just have to put it to the back of my mind and get on with things and try and explain to my son when he is older! Can but try!

OP posts:

MakeItALarge · 02/08/2012 18:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Fifi2406 · 02/08/2012 20:49

Thank you!

OP posts:

Sighingagain · 02/08/2012 22:04

Good luck - my friend contacted the sister on fb and then she spoke to her parents good luck x

corlan · 02/08/2012 23:03

Good luck Fifi - I hope it works out well, as you say, you can but try.

Original poster

Fifi2406 · 11/09/2012 06:19

Hello everyone, just thought I'd update! I didn't contact his mum I didn't know what to say! But I randomly came across my boys father on twitter and contacted him and he has explained his reasons don't excuse the fact he has left his son for the first year of his life but he has told his family, his girlfriend and is seeing his son next week!

OP posts:

Happylander · 11/09/2012 22:38

I hope it works out for your son. Must be a rather strange time for you right now. Stay strong. x

Justonemore2016 · 25/01/2016 16:57

I'm sorry but you must have known all this when you decided to have the baby?!? Surely you knew it was going to be tough and that you were going to be a single parent without any involvement from the Dad??

I'd leave them alone and if the father wants to tell his family he has a son, that's up to him.... it's wrong of you to force a child onto someone who doesn't want him.... I'm not saying I agree with the father, but it might make matters worse.

starry0ne · 26/01/2016 03:11

justonemore
Clearly you have not read OP last post and clearly have your own set of issues for posting..

Hope the meeting went well OP

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