Absent father...would you contact his family?

[Fifi2406]

I have no contact with my son's dad, haven't since I was 9 weeks pregnant apart from ONE chance meeting in a car park when I bumped into him in the city he lives when my son was 4 months old (i live near london, he is from Leicester) he doesnt contribute and has seen his son once, should I get in contact with his family? Which would be through facebook but they aren't on my friends list. I dont really know what I am hoping to happen but its on my mind constantly! what would you do?

[starry0ne]

justonemore
Clearly you have not read OP last post and clearly have your own set of issues for posting..

Hope the meeting went well OP

[Justonemore2016]

I'm sorry but you must have known all this when you decided to have the baby?!? Surely you knew it was going to be tough and that you were going to be a single parent without any involvement from the Dad??

I'd leave them alone and if the father wants to tell his family he has a son, that's up to him.... it's wrong of you to force a child onto someone who doesn't want him.... I'm not saying I agree with the father, but it might make matters worse.

[Happylander]

I hope it works out for your son. Must be a rather strange time for you right now. Stay strong. x

[Fifi2406]

Hello everyone, just thought I'd update! I didn't contact his mum I didn't know what to say! But I randomly came across my boys father on twitter and contacted him and he has explained his reasons don't excuse the fact he has left his son for the first year of his life but he has told his family, his girlfriend and is seeing his son next week!

[corlan]

Good luck Fifi - I hope it works out well, as you say, you can but try.

[Sighingagain]

Good luck - my friend contacted the sister on fb and then she spoke to her parents good luck x

[Fifi2406]

Thank you!

[Fifi2406]

The people who have done it all seem positive about me going ahead and sending her a MSG. I'm not going to mention money at all I don't think it's needed! And not expect a positive outcome from it prepare for the worst and anything positive is a bonus if not then I will just have to put it to the back of my mind and get on with things and try and explain to my son when he is older! Can but try!

[Sighingagain]

I know someone who recently did this - it has worked out really well - they had no idea of GS existence and are mortified by their sons behaviour.

[PerspectiveUrgentlyRequired]

I disagree with mummymcphee about stating you are not looking for money. You just don't need to mention money at all. Specifically stating you are not after money, while knowing the CSA have been trying to find their son, just serves as a contradiction, and will cause more problems IMO. You just need to keep it simple, stick to basic facts, and maybe ask if they want to meet their grandson.

Good luck.

[MummytoLO]

I am in the same situation. DD's dad has not been in touch although I send him pictures and updates. Needless to say, he does not pay.

I am now thinking about contacting his sister. I don't expect much.
But one day, when DD asks about her dad, I want to be able to say: Honey, I tried.

[mummymcphee]

Good luck with it all! Just stick to facts in your email ..... but I do think adding in not wanting money will increase your chances of a positive response. I also think it might help to think of building a relationship with the grandmother as being a long slow process rather than expecting instant results. I got upset when I didn't hear back immediately and then gradually forgot I sent the email until I got a lovely message one day.

It is very hard being a lone parent and I have found the absent father/family thing one of the most difficult things to get my head around.

[Fifi2406]

Thanks everyone! Especially those who have had the same situation! Sometimes you feel like you're the only one!

[Fifi2406]

I don't want to be part of the family, I want my son to be! I want him to know them all especially as my side of the family is so small and his is quite big! I think I will contact her! Just gotta find the right words? What on earth do you say? I don't want money from any of them! I struggle being able to by things for myself but my son does not go without I don't need his money I want my son to have his dad/grandparents etc!

I would never ever get back together with him it's gone way past that, I'd never forgive him!

You would think it would be easy to find him! They said they found a person of that age and name but I didn't have enough evidence to prove that person was him and I'd be surprised how many people had similar names the woman I spoke to was quite rude actually!

[mummymcphee]

Hi fifi ! I have contacted my dd's paternal grandmother via facebook. I made it clear I did not want money from her but to establish a relationship between her and her grandaughter should she want it.

A couple of months later I got a positive response and she added me as a friend on facebook. Her son had not told her about the baby. She is now regularly in touch for updates and I have sent photos. She lives in France and has invited us there for a holiday.

I think you should try and contact the grandmother but decide what you want from the relationship first.

[Olympicnmix]

If he has an unusual name he must be traceable. He has a responsibility to financially support his child.

[happygolucky0]

sorry MakeitALarge was meant to say !!

[happygolucky0]

Maristella ....this is so funny thanks for that!!

• the same happened to my friend, the gps wanted to visit once a year on xmas day to bring presents, after a few years my friend lost her temper and told them they couldnt as they werent father fucking christmas

[Snoopersparadise]

I think you probably should contact them, but be prepared for opening a whole big can of worms!

How would you feel if they then decided they wanted contact regularly. I.e your DS was to go to them without you. Or if they started to ring constantly, etc etc etc.

From what you say, you are kind of living in hope that by getting in touch with his family, that your ex will do the family thing with you and your son.

[cantfindamnnickname]

I had a very good relationship with my dad's family despite having no contact with him - they didnt see him either.
We dont talk now but that is grown up stuff.
They were very supportive of me and my mum and I was part of the family - I used to stay with my Uncles for weeks at a time.

[maristella]

I tried so hard to maintain contact with DS' absent father's family but it was so one sided :(

In the end DS asked that they either see him and spend time with him or stop sending him stuff. Their presents served as a reminder of their rejection. While I appreciate that they meant well in sending him stuff (and have not stopped sending him stuff ) I wish that I had given up on them much sooner. I used to phone every now and then, but it was never positive as they would always go on about what a great father XP is now, errr no he fucking isn't!

I'm glad I gave them the chance to be DS' family, but I wish I had cut them out sooner, rather than allowing them to reject DS.

[CharlieUniformNovemberTango]

I'm in a similar situation.

I contacted my sons family via Facebook as that was the only way I knew how. All I said was that I wanted them to feel welcome to play a part in their grandsons life and that the could contact me if they wanted to.

I don't know if they knew about him. They never replied but I can tell my son that I tried and the door was open. That was important to me.

I understand the anger. Ex is not involved at all althought there is a meeting planned next week. I'm not sure if he will turn up though.