Being dictated to by ExP's Partner - bit long

[useyourloaf]

DS is due to start nursery school attached to local primary in September.

It was agreed back in March that they would take DS on a summer holiday and despite me asking several times, I'd had no info from them about when they were planning to go. As she has school-age children and they put summer holiday in their solicitors letter, I assumed it would be during school holidays.

ExP told me yesterday that they are going on holiday in September but they hadn't booked anything yet. I pointed out that this might clash with DS starting nursery school.

She told me over the phone today that I couldn't stop them from taking DS even if it clashed, to stop being awkward and difficult and would I really want to stop DS going on the holiday of a lifetime . Also, that I never thanked her for everything she did for DS and that I should be grateful to her.

I said that I was happy he was going but I wasn't happy about the timing as I want him to start and settle at nursery school with the other children. She told me not to try to dictate when she could go on holiday. I asked her why she didn't take her DC's on holiday in school holidays and she pretty much said because she wants to be able to go when it suits her. She went on to say that they would apply for joint residency and then they could take DS out of the country whenever they like, she'd spoken to her lawyer 5 minutes ago and as I'd agreed to a holiday that was that.

The whole situation is very acrimonious and there's no hope of dialogue other than through solicitors as it has been in the past.

Long and boring post I know, so thanks for reading!!

WWYD?

i think september is autum not summer

A quick google search gave me this...

If both parents have parental responsibility and there are no residence orders or other restrictions in place, then neither can take the child on holiday outside the United Kingdom without the written consent of the other parent or any other party with parental responsibility. If consent is refused, an application to the Court will need to be made for permission.

Did you give your written consent to a holiday that has not yet been booked regardless of the final arrangements?

What was specifically said in the solicitors letter and how did you respond?

I think your Ex is trying it on a bit here. As you both have parental responsibility (I assume that is the case) you have to AGREE and not dictate. If you want to dictate you can go to court and get an order for it.

If you are the primary carer you need to have more of a say here - and stand up for what is right for your DC. And despite wht others are saying about it not really mattering when he starts nursery, I can see there would be benefit in him doing it at the same time as the other children. You are quite rightly putting your childs needs first, your Ex needs to be reminded of this.

it is an offense to remove a child from the country without permision of all with pr. its called abduction.
you would only get laughed out of court if you were clearly being a twat.

op yes you can do something about it. remember that you each instruct your own legal people they dont instruct you so i dont give a shiney shit what her solisiter told her,and if they are advising her regarding a child she has no pr over or biological link to then they are pretty crap.
also if they are advising her to threaten you with going for residency everytime you attempt to disagree with them then they are breaching family law ethics.

refuse to talk to her only talk to him if you cant do that then use legal people,
september is not summer.
whilst your at it google how likly it is for a dad to get residency when there is bugger all wrong with the mum

Socknickingpixie. It's not quite as simple as that though is it. I think if OP tried to get a PSO to prevent EX taking his child on holiday then she would need reasonable grounds to refuse the holiday. Perhaps it being in term time will be enough, perhaps not as dc is only at nursery not compulsory school age. If he just took dc without her permission I'm not sure what would happens when he came back, no history of abduction or grounds to believe he wouldn't be returned would probably mean nothing would happen about it all anyway.

Also, in the "travel" world, September is classed as the summer season. Travel agents enerally class May- Sept as summer.

If he just took dc without her permission I'm not sure what would happens when he came back, no history of abduction or grounds to believe he wouldn't be returned would probably mean nothing would happen about it all anyway.

UK Border Control have a responsibility to ensure that DC's are not being removed from the UK without parental permission, and they can and do challenge travellers at the point they leave the country:
www.ukba.homeoffice.gov.uk/sitecontent/documents/travel-customs/children-travel

Similarly, he may not be able to get back to the UK having left. Depending on which country he is travelling to - many countries have very strict exit border controls now and if one parent is travelling with a child there is a requirement for notarised letter from the other parent.

Canada and USA seem quite strict and will delay travel back to the UK until they are confident that the parent has permission from the other to remove the DC from the country - I had a thread about this on legal earlier in the year, and some MN'ers responded saying that their had happened to their DC's when travelling!

If nothing else, taking a young child out of the UK despite their mums objections is unlikely to go down well with a Magistrate should there be Family Court hearing sometime in the future - especially if that mother is otherwise reasonable, rational and supportive of a relationship between the DC and their father.

I do agree with all the others re the legal side but I would also urge you to pick your battles. It will do very little harm if he is not there to start nursery at the same time as the other children - in fact he will get more fuss if he is crying when he first starts if all the others have already settled in. I have been in pre-school with my DD when a lot of children started at once and there were so many crying that there were not enough helpers to comfort them. And I think you will find that new pre-schoolers start all the time.

In your shoes I'd probably give in to this one and save my big legal guns for the next time they try to throw their weight around.

I personally wouldn't give permision for any child of mine to be removed from the uk during standered term times,my concern would be that if you let them now then when she is at school they would say but you let us last year especially seen as she isant bothered about taking her own kids out of school.
If they take her without your consent it's abduction if you refuse consent they need to take you to court before they can take her.
And quite frankly you are her mother it is down to you to dictate when she can go,perhaps an option would be for your solisiter to specify that they are to be taken during traditional school holidays or he incurs the cost of her nursery if that's one of the issues.

But yep you do have to decide if this is a battle worth picking