The answer to loneliness

[fizzfiend]

...apparently it's have a bubble bath...treat yourself...what a load of utter crap. If someone else tells me to have a bubble bath I might drown them in one. Hate this lonely life. Going to put myself onto anti-depressants so I stop feeling.

I can feel your pain fizz. Every time I cry my Mum tells me to be strong and keep my chin up but sometimes I just need to cry and her to let me. Agree with the bubble bath thing - whenever I'm in the bath or shower is when I think about things and feel even worse!

If you are feeling as low as you say then it probably is a good idea to get to youre doctor and talk about anti-depressants and give them a chance.

Big hugs xxxxxxx

I feel your pain :(
What i find helps is planning things to do for the future - a break with kids or with friends. when I'm busy making the most of my single life, doing what i want to do, i feel the loneliness less.
big hug tho, noone seems to truly understand how lonely it can be being single with kids :(

Oh if one more person tells me to have a bath or watch a film I will swing for them!! I am very lonely, 3 years on my own and a 3 year old plus no babysitter makes for a very lonely existence!

I think its worse over this long bank holiday , I was looking forward to the break but actually today feel isolated and that everyone else is playing happy families - not true of course

Yes - pampering yourself is a nice thing to do to pass the time but it doesn't stop you feeling lonely.

I think a lot of us are feeling it this weekend - I know I am!

I'm married but my DH works most weekends and he has been at work for most of the jubilee weekend. I get depressed and lonely as my teenagers aren't really around much either and don't help.

It was similar when they were little so I know what it is like to have a 3 year old and not get any respite

I know it is not the same as I am not single but I found taking up crochet has really helped me. It gives me some purpose to focus on and a project. hope I don't sound twee

I thought I was lonely .Then suddenly I woke up and realised what a fool I had been. I looked back on all the so-called company in the past, the man, the mother, the friends etc and then I thought of all the aggro ,disapointments that had sometimes accompanied this company. It has been so liberating. I now really enjoy my own company I am more confident I no longer try to make contact. You really find out who you are . Now I only bother if I feel I am valued. It is lovely not answering the phone etc Take a while out.My father took me for granted for years: now it is he who phomes and me that says "NO"

great post putthatbookdown. It takes a while but the old cliche of loving yourself is the way to go
there was an article not so long ago in the paper that said research had shown having a bath actually alieviates loneliness. I do find it helps me a bit, not bubblebath/pampering etc though. And writing in a journal. You're not alone OP however much it can feel like it

thank you for your really kind answers. And sarahseashell..you made me laugh proving me wrong with that research. But you know what I mean.

I think I'm just feeling that I'll never meet anyone at my age (48). Men are attracted to me, but they either seem to be older guys who want a new wife to look after them and cook them dinner or younger guys who want sex but are also looking for wife/baby material.

I'm not sure there's an answer, but you've made me feel a little less alone (misery loves company) :-) so thanks!

I've found this weekend hard too. I'm 3 weeks into single parenthood and it feels like the whole country is celebrating with their families and I'm just miserable. If I see one more happy person waving a sodding flag I may scream!

Aw, Fizz, I'm glad you're feeling a little less alone - and I agree with you about the bubble bath shite.

Am off work today, so have spent most of the afternoon getting rid of lots of paperwork that has been collecting for the past 10 years. It means I have to concentrate a bit, so not dwelling on lone status. Being on mumsnet does sometimes spur me into things - I read a declutter thread earlier and decided to get stuck in................after all, no-one else is going to do it for me.

I'm 47 and feel that I will never meet anyone. At least you get men attracted to you

So....I haven't really added much to the thread, other than to say, chin up, etc, etc, and come on here and have a vent/weep, which may make you feel better.

bank holidays are always harder borntofolk and a double one is bound to be worse! it'll get better it really will.

fizzfiend I'm glad to help I really know what you mean though it's like pampering nights etc is the stuff of fiction I've never enjoyed one. It can be so hard to contend with the lonliness. Thank heavens for MN! You can find someone at any age and statistically you're likely to. Just enjoy life in the meantime you never know when he'll come along and then you'll miss your pampering nights But seriously you'll be fine - you can attract men and that's a good starting point! There'll be other men in all sorts of situations

how about a bit of home study or a hobby etc keep your mind off being lonely?

amIthatbad and OP I have a friend whose mum remarried in her 60s and there are remarriages at all ages. Great idea re decluttering!

Twitter, MN and FB are my answer (sort of).

I work (although it's very lonely and not at all a chatty office ) and get to the gym most weeks but I don't have time to talk to people as I have to get home again for the babysitter or my family.

It's very hard, I almost forget what it's like to have a face to face conversation with an adult.

I'm also about a month into being a single parent, I have one boy at 13 and one at 7 months and as cheesy as it sounds I have spent the bank holiday weekend sat with the baby playing and reminding myself how quickly my older son got to being the surly 13 year old he is! What I'm trying to say is relish every minute being with little one without having to cook, clean and deal with a man as little one will very soon be big one.

Barging in a bit here, as I am married - still feel lonely at times, but generally quite enjoy the time I have to myself. I realise it's very different without a partner at all.

I just want to ask the lone parents on this thread, what would you like your friends to do to help reduce the loneliness? Have a friend (neighbour) who Is on her own, and I often wonder if she feels lonely but am afraid to broach the subject as I don't want to pry. I help out with her kids now and then, and other practical stuff, but don't know whether sometimes she might just appreciate a bit of company.

She always seems so self-sufficient, but then I read threads like this and it makes me wonder.

hi all can I join the lonely party?!
I am 39 and newly got rid of unsuitable younger boyfriend. It just wasn't working...he was totally irresponsible and I was paying for everything, including his airfares to visit me (!!!) but I held onto it for 2 years out of fear of never having anyone else. It was long distance anyway, so I often felt lonely anyway.

I have only 50% custody of my boys so for half my life I am completely alone. It hurts deeply. You start to feel you no longer exist.

Tonight I face the idea of lifelong loneliness. I don't know if I can survive it tbh. I will for the kids. But how is that so many of us are alone?

Sometimes I just long for a friend and companion. Even a nice flatmate. I can live without the sex :D

I'm not usually this miserable honest, so if anyone is in SE London/ Kent and would like to meet up do let me know.

btw Jinsei why not just be chatty and friendly with her. It brightened my day up no end when my neighbour came round to help me out with my jungle like garden.

Oh, I do chat with her, often, we even went out for a meal once when her kids were visiting their dad. But I'm not the most confident of people, and am not very good at initiating stuff - tend to assume that most people would prefer their own company to mine. :( But perhaps that isn't the case.

Im desperately lonely. I can go days without any adult contact. I get depressed and just dont leave the house. I hate medication because how it makes me feel. I decided i needed something that would force me to leave the house so we are getting a puppy in a couple of months. This will mean i need to leave the house at the very least twice a day for walks and i will have a snuggle buddy when the kids are all in bed.

Ive also decided im going to move closer to my best friend.

That sounds a vg idea slutty. I have many good friends but they live in Newcastle, stoke, Vietnam etc while I am stuck in London for the next 10 years due to shared residence of kids. Somehow in the biggest city im the uk I managed not to find any friends. People at work (which is 90 min drive away anyway) are childless on whole and can't understand my situation. Friends with husbands can't see me at weekends as they are having 'family time'. It's like I fail to fit in anywhere.

I fancy getting a dog too. I need a friend that much!! I wonder though could I get one who would travel with me during term time weeks when I have to stay over near work? Hmmm

Btw I also get stuck in house. Don't do anything hence less likely to meet people and make friends! I guess we need to join some evening classes. The last time I made real lasting friends was on my part time MA course. But I don't exactly have time for one of those now :/

i am also a single parent and feel this problem altho i am so happy with my life on so many levels sometimes the loneliness makes me really unhappy when really i am totally content with pretty much all aspects of my life, but i guess as humans we are sociable animals and this is just normal also i miss the physical relationships with men . it's not normal for us not to talk properly to anyone for a whole day at a time. i'm 37 and could really do with meeting a man as have been single really for 7 years and have had only a few short flings in that time. i hate online dating though . i meet so many guys and don't like any of them! i have such a problem, the ones i like don't like me, it's all very bad news.

I would love to do some proper studying, but unfortunately, working f/t and having no babysitters limits me in what I can do.

Work is very busy, but I seem to be the only person there who is on their own

< I know that I'm not, it just feels like it > Everyone else seems to pair up no bother, but no-one is in the least bit interested in me. Not a sniff of anything/anyone for 8 years now. Compounds the loneliness.

Trying to be positive is hard, although I do manage sometimes - it's just when DD is in bed and the fact i have no-one to talk to, AGAIN, it grinds you down.

Sorry OP, not doing much to cheer you up here

Jinsei, you sound like a lovely friend. Maybe offer to have her DC and let her go to the gym or something?? I would love that