The answer to loneliness

[fizzfiend]

...apparently it's have a bubble bath...treat yourself...what a load of utter crap. If someone else tells me to have a bubble bath I might drown them in one. Hate this lonely life. Going to put myself onto anti-depressants so I stop feeling.

Thanks AmI, will try that.:)

Actually I don't need cheering up. People love to say "of course you'll meet someone, you're gorgeous blah blah." It just makes me feel they don't understand. This thread has made me feel better...sorry but it just makes me feel like I'm not the only one....

I know what I miss. I have lots of friends and see them often. But I want someone to talk crap with. Like now. I do like time on my own, but when it's a permanent thing, it really makes you realise you're on your own in this world (slits wrists!) sorry..

I need to declutter as my place is just a tip...I am going to look at decluttering tips...I just haven't got the oomph to get started. I have so many ideas and things to do, and get fit, etc. Then it rains all day and I get down and think "what's the point?" so I waste all day on Facebook etc.

It really is good though to hear others in the same position who hate stupid bubble baths. I always get too hot and have to get out anyway!

well my dd has chicken pox so thats us under house arrest for the next week or so....I am going to be so fed up by the end of it. I hate having no one to talk to. Really on a downer with it after nearly 3 years of it its getting to me!

fizzfiend I thougght of you last night when i had....a bubble bath!! feel free to kill me now :D

god re. making big plans and wasting day on FB, we are same person.....I have a book to write and looooooads of lovely (!) time alone to do it but it ain't getting written....

anyway all you ladies sound lovely interesting people so if anyone would like a chat mate to waste time with or to meet up in London/SE I am as ever available!

God, lonliness is such a way of life ,isn't it?
I would suggest to those who think about getting a dog (as I did ,someone to walk with was the reason), get a small one, I chose a mid size excitable one,and in spite of training sessions etc etc, the fact that there are no visitors and she pulls, mean i now am stuck in with an unsocialised agraphobic dog. I really care for her, but shes a liability.
I think the best way is to invent a hang up or interest to attend a club.
Weight watchers (even if you are not bothered about your weight) or the W.I (even if you hate sponge cake and bossy old women- waiting to be flamed for this!) I have run out of options and have been friendless for too many years.
Still not desparate for bubble baths and scented candles!

it wears away at my soul so much this loneliness that I am even thinking of taking twunt boyfriend back... arguing and being ripped off seemed better than this...I had someone to talk to and text regularly and a warm body to cuddle up to at times. :(

Thank you for this thread, my ex partner used to get me bomb baths from lush everytime I was feeling sad or worried. I absolutely hated them, it was the equivalent to leave me in the bath on my own to marinate in my own sorrows with no distraction on hand. Despite multiple hints over the years, every time I was feeling bad he would show up with the damn things, and someway expected me to be happy, invigorated and ready for action (IYWIM) just because I had had a bath. .

I have had a very stressful time over the last few weeks, last time he suggested to stop by Lush to get me a barh bomb for a treat, I almost told him where to stick it!

... This quite strange..., I have just suddenly realised that I was with a man for three years and in all that time I have not stopped seeing myself as a single mum.

... Flipping hell, I don't regrest divorcing from my son's dad but someway it feels as this life of loneliness and shallow relationships is the only thing I have ahead.

woah pedigree. He was clearly not worth a minute of your time.

I hear you on the loneliness and shallow relationships thing :(

pedigree you could always try lobbing the bathbomb at a nearby fence that'd relieve some stress or at him even

OP I am in the exact same boat too - tons to 'get on with' and zero motivation. I can go days without talking to another adult, weeks even in the school holidays - although I've made a few friends at local coffee shops who I sometimes natter to and I've been to some evening classes which also helps. Sometimes though it just makes you feel more lonely - depends on the class. Maybe we need a little motivational thread on here get a tiny bit done say half an hour of decluttering or whatever then we can report back on thread for etc?

Excellent idea. Not long home from work, and dinner is on, but I aim to do a bit more of the decluttering of paperwork tonight. Nearly done, but wee piles all over the living room floor. Will be pleased when it is cleared away

I remembered that Esther Rantzen has been talking about loneliness and found this interesting article [[http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2048488/Lonely-Britain-When-Esther-Rantzen-wrote-Mail-aching-loneliness-received-overwhelming-response-heartfelt-understanding.html Daily Mail, sorry!]

This quote rings true with me - "As the legendary journalist Felicity Green once said: ?I have plenty of people to do things with, I just have no one to do nothing with.? "

I miss the companionship of having someone around to watch TV with, or make a cup of tea for you.

Messed up the link, sorry!

Daily Mail, sorry!

Pets maybe? I think that can work for some people. Inviting people over. Just forcing yourself to entertain people.

Lonely as hell here too at times. I'm feeling very sorry for myself atm because I don't know who to put as next of kin or emergency contact for me on form that I'm filling in! There. is. nobody.

DS stays with his dad (ExP), NP and DC's 2 nights a week. A house full of noise, laughter and chatter no doubt. When he's with me its just the two of us. I'm so hopeless at connecting with others that I've failed to arrange any playdates or make any friends for him (he's 3.4). DS says "I love being with you" which makes me blub, but I do ask myself if I'm enough for him and if he'd flourish more with his dad.

I have no friends, no-one to phone or chat to, and can also do days when DS is not here, without speaking to anyone even on the phone. Nobody phones me, nobody has visited. But this only gets to me sometimes. Other times I'm foolishly optimistic.

I have joined a tennis club in the last couple of months though, as I used to love playing before toxic relationships clouded my reality. It's been a lifeline, honestly. So I'm counting myself lucky that I have that now.

If there is something that you love doing or used to enjoy, pick it up again and try to do it in a group, join something just to connect with others and have a life or interest of your own.

I'm in Greater London/Surrey if anyone in same boat would like to arrange meet up.

Chin up all! x

useyourloaf I'm in London and would love to meet up with you. Am also toxic relationship survivor and like you didn't know who to put on emergenc contact form! Eventually I put my dad on, but he lives hundreds of miles away !!! pm me

Use your loaf, your post made me cry. Of course you're enough. You're his mummy. Be glad you get to spend time together, just you and him.

useyourloaf, I bet your DS does love spending time with you! I'm sure his dad's house is noisy and full of chatter but he probably doesn't get a lot of one-on-one attention. Whereas when he's with you, he's your focus. I bet he relishes the special attention from his mum.

domestic and useyourloaf I'd love to join in too - another no-next-of-kin person I always think it's only me

useyourloaf you're mummy and that's good enough for him, I agree time on his own just the two of you is no doubt wonderful for him. I very rarely see other people and worry that dcs miss out but on the other hand they are used to my undivided attention. Your ds has best of both worlds really. Tennis sounds great.

btw I meant I thought it was only me who had no next of kin, not only me haha although that's true given that mostly I am on my own

I think it's hard being single with small children and not enough money to pay for babysitters. And I guess MN only goes so far. There is a group called single parent holidays or something which puts people together. And apparently Gingerbread are good too.

For anyone in S London/Surrey there are some active single parent groups affiliated to Gingerbread who arrange meetups - one in Surrey around Leatherhead, one in Merton and Wandsworth and one based round Surbiton and Kingston. They arent scary and are friendly. There is a night out on Friday night in Esher if anyone fancies it.

If you message me Ill put you in touch. I can go to meets for all 3 groups as Im fairly near all of them and it really does help to meet up with some other lone parents.

domesticgodless - thanks so much - I will PM you.

nkf - thanks so much for your supportive words. I am really glad DS and I can spend so much time together. We do lovely things (or nothing and that's great too) and he's an amazing little lad. I'm very proud of him.

sarahseashell - thanks too for your supportive words and I'll PM you as well.

Oooh - I'm feeling perkier already. x

useyourloaf you're also not alone feeling kids have a 'better' time with their dad. Cos I get so down and miserable (and also suffer APPALLING pms which makes my temper v short), I always feel the boys prefer dad, who is more cheerful/positive. However I know they still need a relationship with me even if it's not perfect.

They are only with me 50% too so I have a lot of time to brood on these things....:(

so... would anyone on here use a website to connect with other single mums; to share 'phone time' support? i have wondered about setting one up.

it couldnt be seen as counselling but loosley would be based on co-counselling model, where people share equal amounts of time with each other to just listen empathically and non judmentally. its amazing what clarity and release can come with having somewhere to just talk without fear of being judged or interrupted ! people could match up with others using chosen catagories such as your situations;areas you live; childrens / your ages etc similar model to here but you could find a phone buddies to sound off,with ; all confidentially of course..