Ex moving abroad soon - son doesn't want to see him anymore at all

[Bluepenny]

Hi everyone

I'd appreciate any opinions and thoughts on how it would be best to handle the above situation.

DS is nearly 12. His father and I have been split for many years, we've joint parented, kept things friendly and all has been quite stable - up until now!

Ex announced he is moving 12 hrs flight time away about a month ago. Since then son has still seen him regularly, but after each visit he goes through a combination of anger and upset. He tells me he feels abandoned by his father (wrongly or rightly blaming it on another woman his father has just met out there) and has said he doesn't want to see him anymore - even though he's not left the UK yet and is due to see him soon.

How do I play this? Force him to see his Dad, as there won't be many opportunities to do so before he emigrates, or do I try and explain to his Dad how he feels and side with DS?

It hasn't helped that his father has blogged to the world much more detail than he has told DS or I...unfortunately DS has taken it from it that his Dad doesn't love him or care about him very much.

Thoughts much appreciated - am very much in two minds on this one.

Ds is using his iPad to note things down - he knows I don't have a clue how to open it, let alone use it! It is safe there and whilst he's in school it sits under the passenger seat of the car until he comes out!

I drive him to school and back as it's 10 miles away, but a good point about his head being elsewhere and especially a key point about first time DS will be able to say stuff to his Dad without that fear. It's definitely gone on since day 1 - he shouted at DS the day I came out of hospital because DS couldn't get milk out of the teat when feeding - all it needed was a larger holed teat. The shouting woke me and I went down and sorted it. DS remembers examples from age 6 or 7 I would say and from then on I think he's learnt just not to disagree with XP. He said something last night about XP not believing something that was the truth, so DS had to lie in order for XP to think that was the truth.

We have a busy week this week - he's gone on a school trip to Legoland today, we have new school meeting this evening, we're going to a model club evening tomorrow night, my parents Wednesday evening, niece's birthday Thursday evening and Friday it's dress down/Jubilee party at school. I think the week will go by fairly quickly. I take your point about him being anxious/not concentrating so well and I can see that with his change in activities. Plenty of walking too, with having the dogs!

He has a Science Musuem fidget/strength ball, so I will encourage use of that and the Wii came out for the first time in over a year last night (Sports Resort).

I've made an appointment for next week with the solicitor regarding PR and XPs blog (son is at my parents for 1 day as I have a work appointment so fitted it within that window). Have explained top line, also links into changing will about DS not living abroad if something should happen to me, plus the address update.

There's lots of great stuff on locally over the Half Term too and apart from that 1 day I have to work, I am off with him and will see what events he fancies going to. Kite Festival, It's A Knockout, maybe a day at the coast if the weather is good and he'll probably want to have a sleepover here with one of his old school friends.

Lots of balls rolling now.