He is a Trainer in the office sense - so things like Organisation & Efficiency and Time Management. He trains alot of the Franklin Covey theories/books too - so 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and The 8th Habit - the former where he took the CBT from.
From his blog, he's had lots of bouts of depression - they usually coincide with the breakdown of a relationship and possibly the turning point for wanting to leave the UK was a breakdown in a business relationship (he's freelance and an associate for for a few training companies) - this I took from his blog.
I know his different phases/moods when he comes to collect DS - he comes to our home, I always make him a cup of tea, we usually have 30 minutes of 3 way conversation - updating on what DS has done during the last fortnight, homework to be done whilst he's with his father, awards DS has gotten from school, social activities, sleepovers - everything really. I invite him to parents evenings, info evenings for school trips, school plays, etc. I've made every effort every time to include him, welcome him and DS knows we both love him, just not each other. DS has never played one off against the other, we've not had Dad doing the nice things and Mum doing the horrible or routine things. This is why it's so frustrating to read how he portrays us as not getting on, but it helps his own delusion I suppose.
It is interesting you raise the Aspergers point. DS was diagnosed with HFA/Aspergers 3 years ago, but with help from a superb Family Support Adviser who worked with me and DS to fill in gaps and learn alternative responses, etc, he no longer gets that help. We have a few new problems with writing and processing written questions, but his ability to interact with his peer group is much better. He has learnt humour and how to work out more complex emotions from the spoken word (he can read facial expressions fine).
Whether his father has a bit of it (as they say it is often genetic) I don't know. It's certainly not as obvious as DS's was and I never felt there was anything odd/different during our relationship. What happened there was as my career took off I had to go on an overnight trip with a bunch of colleagues - this apparently constituted having an affair. He turned up at my reflexologists house to accuse me of having an affair with her husband. He turned up at my office shouting the same. At Relate, we did get as far as his accusations were based on the fact he had had an affair during his first marriage and as he'd continued/covered it up for 3 years I think, it was therefore easy to do and I must have been doing it as I was not getting home when I said I would (but was keeping him updated). He became obssessed about it, but it couldn't have been further from the truth but he would just not believe me. He wouldn't come to Relate when he knew the session was going to turn to the relationship with his father - there is something there that he won't face and the only thing I could think of is what he has already blogged about - seeing his father hit his mother due to not taking his insulin (diabetic). He is pretty awful at ackowledging what is said - a typical thinking of his reply before someone else stops speaking. But he does understand and think of others' feelings - I've seen him do it amongst those he doesn't have an issue with. It crashes down when he has a belief that nothing can shift.That's my experience anyway. He is nice as pie to me infront of others and well versed in pretence.
Being a father - you are spookily on the money here too I suspect. I found I was expecting in the middle of us splitting up. I had been told at age 20 I couldn't have children and at 32 to find myself in this position was a shock to say the least! XP was clear - he wanted rid of it and did not want to be a Dad, he kept saying he didn't know how to be a father. Ultimately and selfishly, I wanted to continue with the pregnancy and in reality, it was at about 7 months gone that I knew I would have a child as was very ill and had problems carrying. XP and I chatted at length after all the initial upset and he wanted to be supportive - he attended scans, ante natal, maternity ward visit and was there at the birth. We nearly lost DS at that point due to a hospital error (they did apologise, different story), so when I was rushed into theatre, XP was left completely alone not really knowing if either I or DS would come out of it, or 1 of us, or neither of us. XP was most scared he'd be left with DS and that I wouldn't make it. XP was the first to see and hold DS too. The only complaint I had was having left my house beautifully clean and tidy to go into hospital, I came home to a complete wreck of a place 3 days later!!
XP was involved physically and emotionally, they bonded (he stayed for the first week at mine, then second week we went down to stay at his). He has always visited/seen DS like clockwork - never late, never missed a weekend, came to his Christening - even DS's friends birthday parties and a family (both sides) party each year. However, there will be runs of weeks where he seems superficially interested and he is never the first to ask about school hols dates and on Bank Hols weekends never asks if he can have DS the extra night/day. I have stopped offering the latter, as I know the answer already. He also goes through patches of wanting to bring DS back early (only by a couple of hours, so nothing major) and apart from one where I wasn't able to be home on time, I've always been as giving as I can to keep the equilibrium.
My Mum has been on the phone tonight - she said I couldn't have done more than I have for XP and to remind myself that XPs family always say how well I've done and how lovely DS is - polite, friendly, happy, well behaved, etc.
DS hasn't taken my suggestion any further to email his father thus far, but I will check in to see if he's had any further thoughts on the matter later- he's watching a DVD whilst I'm sort of watching Eurovision!