Does your ex make additional ad-hoc payments to cover things like uniform, school activities etc ?

[nomoreharibo]

Do you get money from your ex for things like the above. ? - do you let him know as and when, or maybe a pot for stuff like this.? im new to all this and thinking that these kind of things are going to add up, above and beyond normal every day living expenses. also shoes, school meals, etc...
i really want to have a clean break as far as possible and support myself and children financially by myself, so that i dont feel like hes controlling me, but dont want to cut off my nose to spite my face.

There's no way on earth I'd rely on my ex for childcare while I went to work. She's let our DCs down way too many times for me to fall for that one again.

Not the actual care -the cost of it. i.e. here is the childcare bill for while we have both been at work this month - please reimburse me for half of it.

This is why I insisted in mediation when we first separated that exH and I set out the specific days & times that DD is in each of our care - and I'm responsible for the cost of any childcare when DD is in my care, and exH is responsible for the cost when she is in his care.

I wouldn't expect exH to contribute towards the costs of childcare while DD is in my care in order for me to work - that is a choice for me to make, and he is not responsible for that.

I agreed a 50:50 shared care arrangement with my exH (despite serious reservations) in order to maintain my career; I could not have afforded to pay for all the childcare and continue to work if DD had only spent EOW with her Dad.
I know that not all NRP are prepared to do this - but if you have both had full-time careers up until the separation, then it is likely that you would also have shared parenting your DC's and there would be a strong case for a shared-residency and a shared-care order in court. Rather than take on the parenting responsibility alone and resent the NRP for their lack of involvement, use the court system to apply for a shared-residency order that forces the NRP to continue with the commitment.

I know some RP who want to have their cake and eat it too - they don't want their ex to have more contact or responsibility for the DC's, but they expect their ex to support them to continue working/socialising/volunteering and demand that support is delivered in the way of their choosing (by paying for childcare, or being instantly available to look after the DC's when they demand it) rather than agree a compromise on both sides.