What keeps you motivated as a single parent?

[happyhappymummy]

I know this is obvious to most your children right? Of course!
I mean its so tough being a single parent. Its harder when you have hardly any emotional, financial support from the ex.
Yesterday was a bad bad day! Its too embarrassing to say! Plus I dont wanna bore you with my life!
How do you know when you have crashed and burned? How the hell do you find the strength to get back up?
So many obsticles which I feel I cant jump anymore :(
Where is that light at the end of the tunnel that everyone keeps talking about? Its been 2 years in July since my husband left.
Im sorry I dont want to put such a depressing post on here, I also know there are people worse off than me. Surely there is someone out there that has hope for me. Iv kinda lost sight of it!

I guess what motivates me (apart from super DS) is that I know I am strong.

The lying bullshitting full of shit crap twunt ex can say and do all he wants, he has no control over me or DS.

I love that he doesn't know where we live (he did this to me for 4 years so right back at you twunt face) and he doesn't know how much I earn and he has to pay a certain amount of money but can't tell me what to spend it on.

I also love that everyday is my choice, all I have to think about is DS and I and he's just basically a clone of me so usually happy with my choices.

We have 2 dogs and are waiting to get our 3rd there is no way we would have been allowed dogs if twuntex was still around.

So what motivates me is I have my own life

Thats fab tea :)
I feel I am a much stronger person today than I was 2 years ago. Just so many hurdles. Sometimes you wonder when things will be ok!
I crave normal.
Ex still controls us in a way which I hate.
Choices are difficult for me right now but one day I will have normal Im sure :)

I've been reading these posts and it is nice to know that I'm not the only single mother in the village! We're all probably experiencing pretty much the same sort of stuff... complete financial dereliction, major associated stress ('Can I REALLY afford that loaf of bread?' I mean Jesus Christ, I'm 31, educated and worked my arse off and still I can't afford a loaf of bread?), major stress juggling work and parenting and to top off the day nciely, twuntish issues with complete and utter twunts (LOVE this!) But we are strong and we are raising our children to be responsible and brilliant and just nice human beings. I think it's quite lonely being a Lone Parent... God I hate that term! I often feel like some sort of castaway. I often cry pathetically when I'm on my own. I actually do think my role models now are people like Shirley Valentine whereas once they were Queen Elizabeth I. Friends have long gone now I can't afford to drink prosecco at wine bars. But then, I stand back a bit and think, well is that really living anyway? Dating has proved a nightmare... I seem to attract men with more emotional problems than me (one date referred to his ex wife as The Bitch, got annihilated on two bottles of Real Ale, knocked over a tableful of glasses and that was all before 2pm on a Saturday) God Girls. What do I do? Well as well as cry and binge eat myself to gluttony with sackfuls of chocolate peanuts, I do tend to find humour in the everyday sorts of things. I think you have to otherwise you'd go insane. I love my son. I loved him from the moment he was born and although it is absolutely horrendously difficult (and let's face it, it is a bit like living in a Catch 22 with all the Government policies and stuff working against you), I too have this image that one day we will come out of it and he will have grown into this amazing adult and we will both be happy and safe and secure.

SINGLE MOTHERS EVERYWHERE! You are all indestructable heroines!

Aww cold.
It is tough sometimes and when I wrote this thread I was having such a bad time. Still kind of having to make huge decisions and feel quite alone sometimes.
I look at my 3 gorgeous girls and think how lucky I am and want to get to where Im heading. Just would be nice if it was a little easier sometimes.
God your date sounded awful but dont give up. Just joined a site and put a thread on here under relationships asking the lovely ladies of MN for advice.
Keep your chin up lovely your doing an amazing job :)

cold I'm with you

This is my Friday night, get pissed, drop the facade, cry all night time.

And I will enjoy it, in a perverse way.

hi. very therapeautic to read all this thread;inlight of the above i have been lucky in some ways, and unlucky in others. my ex and ds's dad pressured me to move away from a town i was very settled in , a newly decorated 1 bed flat in an ideal part of town for schools. playgrounds,seafront etc. ( housing assoc.) and we were accepted for a bigger flat but in a very rural area/village, an hours drive from my old town.:-( we seperated about a year ago and to my annoyance he moved back to my old town, and literally the next road along from my old road! now he's there and is building up a life/ joining bands/ seeing his sons/ bumping into old freinds and even trying it on with my old freinds he bumps into!!! we are very isolated, he doesnt help financially, occasionally will give me a little out of guilt, and is having a good life of freedom while im stuck out here .( he says it was purely my decision to move here ) i have had a very hard winter and turned to chocolate/ wine to get me thru the evenings .

i should say at the moment the one thing he has done so far....is give us a few days back in my old town every other week, but its only as ds is still bf ing and he wouldnt see her there otherwise; he wants her to stay over alone. but my need to get back there and have some sort of life/ a break is used as a power tool ..and not rationally negotiated.

ps also find the isolation the hardest thing; i was considering starting an online business / or group based around this exact subject motivation for parents; and how it would work.

i was wondering about some kind of networking site for mums to meet mums in thier area abit like a dating site ! what do you think? even if ppl couldnt meet they could offer each other telephone support ?

mopsera
Have a look on Gingerbread website. It will tell you if there is a group in your area.

I agree, it can be very isolating as a lone parent. The winter nights are long, and especially if your DC are very young you can spend a lot of time alone. A telephone support service is a good idea, don't know how that could work out though.

I've been a LP for a long time now and my DC are 8 and 10 so its different for me. My two are good company most of the time I'm hoping to pass my driving test soon too, so that will give me more independence. Its the nipping about to clubs and supermarkets etc that would be so much easier.

hi . i agree, a car would make a huge difference, & being rural its really an essential, but unaffordable until i start working ! so for now a compromise is an electric bike, with a child seat ,and may eventually a moped. :) i enjoy being with my daughter even though she's only 2 1/2 ; would have had more if had been younger and with a more stable respectful man!

It is hard at times being a lone parent, but knowing I can do it by myself with no support from ex gives me great satisfaction. I look at this way, it really is only a small window in my life...dd won't be dependent on me forever. DD will know I was the one who was there for her.

I've built up a great network of support around me, just completed first year of a masters programme, work full time and would go to the 'opening of an envelope' if invited - anything to meet new people. I feel free to go away on weekends, without him making me feel guilty for having a life of my own.

I don't want to come accross as smug, but it was a very different story this time last year. I have worked very hard for how our life is now and dd is flourishing. Hopefully, a nice package to meet someone new when ready.

Good for you new :)
I like to meet people too but its so difficult as everyone is busy and theres not many places to go alone.
Thats not smug at all. Its fab!
Im working very very hard to be able to say exactly the same one day :)

i agree newhorizon; the satisfaction i get is immense and i dont have someone around putting me down or critiscising me most of the time, and as a result am more confident and can see that im doing a good job .im definalty better off like this than with someone dragging me into the negative space i was in before.

well for me its my little one -hes 3 now--coming up to me and saying I love you my princess:)))) ......the 15 year old son..i feel happy if I dont get a call from college saying that hes not there:)And yes I guess we all strugle great deal with money,who am i kidding I couldnt afford a holliday for three years now.But we have to keep going,we brought these kids into this world,we must take care of them.being happy is tricky business:) for some its clean sheets,quite house ...doing everything you can to provide a safe and loving environment for your kids no matter what.Giving up your personal life sometimes an issue -but I always say -there must be a light in that tunnel:)we will just have to wait for it .

Today is my birthday and Im 35. I never expected to be a single mum to 3 and in the middle of divorcing at this age. Days leading up to today, I felt a little lost and sad thinking of this.
This morning I woke to 3 beaming faces, all so eager for me to open my presents and card. The card read, in her (my eldest) own words, that they loved me, thanking me for everything I do, that I was truly amazing and the best mum anyone could wish for. This made me cry and this is what keeps me motivated.
Unconditional love! :)