Just too tired to care for toddler properly

[floppops]

i just am so tired. I'm a single parent of a very active two year old. She was up at 3am crying and up for the day at 5am. We were visiting my mum this morning and then she slept in the car on the way home so no rest for me. My mum doesn't like to look after her much. I have no other family. I haven't any friends to help- they all have their own children to look after.
What do you do when you are too tired to cope? My daughter hasn't slept past 5am ever and I have tried everything. I am self employed and as a single parent have to do all the housework and childcare. I have never had a night or morning off. I just need 8 hours sleep once!!
She just tumbled off my lap - she's fine but I am just not able to maintain the level of care she needs.
Don't know what to do.

Where in London are you flopp? Have you looked at your local mnet groups for support/other single parents?

I am a single parent and am someone who needs a lot of sleep so it was always a high priority for me to get dd into a routine of sleeping 12 hours a night!!!

I would have a strict bedtime routine and make sure she is in bed every night by 7pm. If she wakes before 7am, go in and check she is o.kay, keep lights dim, check nappy, offer drink of water and then say 'its still night time baby, mummy needs her sleep time' or something similiar!

There is no way on this Earth that I would get up at 5am, no way, so once I knew dd was o.kay ie not ill, thirsty or wet, I would go back to bed. Dd then had the choice of moaning for a bit or going back to sleep - she always went back to sleep!!!

She is now 6yo and still sleeps 12 hours a night and is now thankfully at the age where she can get up independently, make herself a drink and play or stick cbeebies on for a bit - bliss

Yes I think I should get DD in bed by 7- that might help. She was in bed at 7.30 last night and fell asleep around 8 and was up this morning 4.45. I have left her to cry and have tried giving her drink, saying it's night time etc but she just screams lounder to get out of her cot! Tried toys in the cot etc-not interested. She never goes back to sleep. I left her once to whinge/cry and she went for 4 hours.
Bedtime before 7 probably won't work?

Early bedtime might work as a one off, but if you keep putting her to bed early, she will eventually start to wake earlier. The same the other way round, if you want her to sleep in a little later, you need to start putting her to bed a little later.

I think you've been unfortunate to end up with a child that doesn't seem to need a lot of sleep at night! Does she still nap in the daytime? If she does, you might find that when she drops that nap, her nightime sleep increases - My DD used to sleep from around 10pm til 7am when she was still napping in the day, more or less the same as me, but once she dropped the daytime nap I could put her down at more of a child bedtime of 7.30pm and she still slept til 7am. You can't really force her to drop a daytime nap until she's ready for it - or you end up with a very grouchy child - though you could use it as a chance to have a rest yourself.

What kind of mood is she in when she wakes? S she happy or grumpy? Ie does it seem like she needs more sleep or do you think she is just an early riser ? Does she nap? if she is tired in the wee hours, maybe re try co sleeping, as soon as she stirs bring her in with you, quiet and dark, or however she sleeps, and 'insist' she sleeps, (in do much as let her cry but not let her out of bed) it will take several days but it might work. Separation anxiety increases to its height at this age and some children who during the day display no signs of this suffer tremendously at night, not surprisingly, it is dark, quiet, nothing to distract them, they cry, then awake. Just an idea.

Re ironing, I never meant to imply you should under normal circs be ironing! I neve have, but I know lots of people do so was meaning if you were one of them, that could be ditched.

I've tried dropping her nap. She usually sleeps for a hour and half after lunch. If she doesn't nap she sleeps even less at night!
I can't get her to come into bed with me at all- she goes into full blown tantrum if I try.
She isn't grumpy when she wakes but is always really hyper anyway. I know she's tired though as she yawns and has bags under eyes etc.
I've tried later bedtime and that again results in less night time sleep.
Think I might just be stuck with the ridiculous early mornings. It's hard though when there is 5 hours before anything even opens that we can go to!

I know it's hard and DS was off the scene completely. I had my son at nursery solder 4 days a weeks, but I still worked evenings. It's hard here's some tips very naughty though:

Never allow you child to sleep during the day, take them out make them walk everywhere, or buy them a micro scooter and walk her loads.

Give them a bath with lavender and a quick massage. Make sure they are well fed before bed lots of pasta and consider giving them complan or slimfast in their bottle with a wee dose of piritin (anti histamine) so help them get into a routine for a few nights.

Send to bed and if they wake you pee and back to bed, don't get up til your ready, they need to learn you in charge.

DD will sleep til 9am or 10 am easy

I know I'm going to get told off now, my DS is 4 I take him on long haul flight foreigns holiday alone and not that much bother. I strongly believe children have to fit into your life not having the emperors calling all the shots.

I would have no prob doing all of that. But I have tried the naughty anti histamine trick a couple of times and it makes her hyper! Sigh..
I've been having problems with her eating for a while-keep trying her with pasta, she used to eat it but refuses now. She mainly eats bread, peanut butter, baked beans and fruit. I always try to have her eating more though. Have a home visit from someone from our children's centre soon to advise about the food issue.
She doesn't have a bottle and doesn't drink milk. She will have some chocolate milk sometimes.
I've tried no nap but I think she is so tired those days she doesn't nap she always wakes even earlier.

floppops could she be teething? Does she haven all her molars? They can seriously affect sleep for ages, even before they appear to be coming through, they may apear pain free in the day but at night there is nothing to distract. If this is possible you could try calpol or ibruprofen before bed and see if that helps? I just thought that as you said she is not eating so well.

Personally, I wouldn't try to stop a 2 year old napping in the day - it's likely to mean overtired grouchy child that has tantrums and keeps themselves awake late from all the upset. Maybe when she's 3, or seems on the verge of giving up the nap anyway, you could try it. But for now, make the most of it as time to sleep yourself.

She will sleep in later if you put her down later, eventually - just as she no doubt adjusts to the clock change twice a year, but it will take a week or so of putting her down a bit later for it to take effect.

If she doesn't drink milk, then see if can fill her up with something else at bedtime - yoghurt, sandwich, etc - to make sure she's not waking because she's hungry.

purpleroses I really don't think the 'go to bed later, sleep later' rule works for all kids. As I said earlier, for some sleep breeds sleep, as is the case with mine. I do agree that trying to prevent napping is probably not a good thing.

eternalscot raises a good point about plenty of exercise. Does that make a difference?

Something I hadn't thought of before - does she have free access in and out of her room? Will she simply not stay there at 5am or is it that she is not able to get to you, but makes so much noise you have to get up?

She does get quite slot of exercise. We go to a playgroup every morning and she runs around constantly in the house and garden. She never sits still always hyper and running about.
She can't get out of her cot as she is still in a sleeping bag. Not just being mean! She asks for her bag and cot and I've tried moving her on to a duvet or even pillow but she screams till I take them out of her cot. She hates anything being in her cot with her except her toy rabbit.

Hi Floppops.
I'm a single Mam to a little girl for almost 2 years and I've noticed such a difference between when she was 2 and now when she is 3.5.
It's much easier. There are still sleepless nights. We currently both have vomiting bug!!!!!
However you can reason with a 3 year old more.
My parents are elderly and couldn't handle a 2 year old but now they enjoy her more. And she will happily stay with them for an hour while I go to supermarket .

It's hard going I know. I've missed loads of work and been so washed out but I feel like I'm coming out the other side now.

I can actually go for coffee with my DD now and she will sit for almost half an hour chatting. This was NOT an option a year ago. I pushed in some very long weekends feeling half dead with tiredness.

I feel for you and totally understand the space your in.

Hope you feel better soon. Sleep deprivation makes me depressed and very anxious. So sending hugs x x

Thanks fancynancy that really helps. I had a better nights sleep last night-was in bed at 8.30! So feel alot better today.
Nice to know it is just a phase and will get easier.
Me too sleep deprivation is the worst.

Feel for you. Its can be very hard without lots of support, have been in similar position. I always co-slept - and my son generally woke up at a more normal time, or went back to sleep v. easily. Don't know if that would make a difference for you or make things worse. Sorry can't be of more help, hope you get some more rest soon.

Whereabouts are you Floppops? I'm a single parent with two toddlers age 2 and 3, living in East London. And yeah, it is so hard. Sometimes my friend comes over, she has two around the same age and they all play together while we talk and catch up on laundry or tidying. Another day I'll go to hers and we'll do the same thing. So if you're somewhere East or South-East we could perhaps meet up, the kids could play and I could help out a bit?

I keep meaning to check out Gingerbread too, could do with meeting other single parents. Everyone I know is still be-partnered.

It can be tiring can't it? I am also a single parent (I have 2 children) with no family or friends close. I get up at 4am every morning (a few times 3.30am if really pushed for time to catch up with outstanding jobs), work 60 hours per week, have a number of weekly meetings after work in relation to my son who has AD (even more tiring as he needs constant watching etc) so normally don't get back home before 6.30pm then have to start tea, cooking, homework and bedtime routeen etc before finishing off any of the jobs etc so rarely get to bed or stop working before 11pm. Like you, I never get time to myself that does not involve work and have only spent 2 hours away from my children in the last year. I am also very limited re childcare because of my son's condition. Even with people who know what he is like and how to monitor him he has still managed to cause over £20,000 damage alone within the last 3 years so anybody looking after him needs to fully understand how a child with AD thinks and behaves.