Where would you put the maintenance money?

[Emmielu]

After a rather large argument with the ex, he has finally (after 5 years) agreed to paying CM. Eventhough it will be £5 a week to me that is still something & a lot better than what he currently does for DD atm. (Nothing.) We had a "debate" over where the money will go. He assumes i will have the money & use it to contribute towards DD's lunchbox's for school but refuses to pay in the holidays as "she doesnt need anything" then. He then decided that he puts money straight into DD's trust fund account which again is a great idea but now im confused. Some people say that the money should be given to the main caring parent to help cover costs of looking after their child. Others say, put it in a savings account for the child.

Where would you put the money? Do you think it should be spent on feeding the child, school uniform costs etc or should it go into a savings account?

If you're a money grabber then I'm sorry to break it to you but you're shit at it.

Plus £5 a week is more than £20 per month - a month is more than 4 weeks. Not that it really matters as it's such a pathetic amount .

DFAG - Haha! I do need to learn the phrase money grabber! Thats just based on the csa calculator he did & i did so he could be lying.

Why does he think she suddenly won't need lunch when she's not at school??

He has no right to stipulate what you spend it on. If you wanted to do a private agreement, he can provide it in material items rather than money, such as agreeing to buy any school uniform, books and materials she needs for example.

TBH if he's being a dick about it then just go via the CSA.

Whatever you do, never rely on that money.

I also get called a money grabber. My ex obviously has a different dictionary to the rest of us as he gives me approximately £20 every four months for 2 DC. he made me feel so shit that I very stupidly let him
get away with this for years.

However I have now got the CSA involved, as he refused to pay more (despite obviously doing ok for himself) so hopefully it will get sorted out.(Long story-basically he's a lying arse)

When he does bestow such riches as £20 upon me it goes in the family pot. How far he thinks £2.50 per month per child goes I don't know.

The moral of my tale is spend it how you see fit OP. Oh and he's an arse.

OMFG what a twat. As big a twat as my ex has been / is, he has always paid his (pitifully small amount of) money for the DC ever since day one.

To be honest, I'd be tempted to tell him to shove his £5 a week up his arse.

Your ex is more full of shit than mine OP

Please get in touch with the CSA. I know theyre notorious for being slow but eventually they do get results.

Maintenance is for exactly what it says, maintaining a child. If you both only paid £20 a month said child wouldn't survive.

He is a cheeky bastard.

Too many people on here don't use CSA because of the horror stories and yes I've got my own but they do work and you will get all the money that is owed for raising your DD.

if you are going to save the money, then put it into a savinga account that you have control of so that you can use it to fund, say buying a bike or a residential school trip. in a trust fund it is locked away and you need the money to raise your child. can you imagine the outcry if resident parents only put in £5 per week?

I put £50 a month in DD's trust fund, my birthday money goes in there, some of my wages when I worked & money she got for her birthday.

If you're hard up though, the trust fund is utterly inaccessible until your child is 18. I would never put any money in there - I might want or need it for them before then. You can set up another savings account in their name that will still be tax free, etc but will allow you access to the money for a rainy day. It would be a real shame to be saying to a 16 year old that she couldn't go on a school trip, have music lessons, buy a scooter to get to college, etc because you couldn't afford it but knowing that you had money saved for her that you couldn't access.

And that's not really waht your CSA money is intended for - it's intended for helping you to raise the child now, not to save for later.

I had all this crap with my ex and then when I asked for more 10 years later his solicitor announced she doesn't need more money because she saves it all in a trust fund
So if you save it it may be used against you, I spent it on school fees, that was used against me.
TBH you're better off spending it on fags and gin that at least seems an acceptable answer (or a believable one).

purpleroses, id like to open another savings because again as you said she might want it for things like holidays etc. I'd like to be able to give her money to spend on her 16th for example if she wants to go shopping with friends or something. Thats what im struggling to get into ex's mind. That the money has to come into my account first & i can transfer some over.

Using it on school fees was used against you! Thats crazy! They moan when its spent on kids & they moan when its not. I dont think he really understands that putting it towards a water bill IS spending it on DD. Without that little extra money, she could go without hot water.

I even said if it makes you feel better imagine that you paid for the clothes/uniform/food and I paid the school fees. He went mental because he can't afford school fees for his "real family" He can but choose not to.

I think the correct answer is that you spend it on food,clothes or household bills - certainly for small amounts like in this case. Anything you put aside as savings, etc you can think of as your own money that you're saving. And it's none of your ex's business if you do this. I wouldn't even tell him - just tell him that you need his contribution towards the cost of feeding/clothing DD at present.

Hes now "happy to give me money" & being quite nice to me. this wont last but either way the claim is going in & it'll be spent on looking after DD. Thank you ladies for your support!

This makes me so cross. Having an exhusband who paid nothing EVER to the upkeep of our kids nearly made me go mad dealing with the CSA. Now being married to a man who adores his children to his ex and has enough respect for her to make sure she never struggles for money for her or the children changed my views that not all men are pants at being non resident parents.

Get on to the CSA, make a huge fuss and get that douchbag supporting his child!

Very wise, worse day of my life was not going through the CSA. i'd be in a much better position now if we had.

Just be aware that the longer he thinks he can keep you sweet with 'I will send you money when I next get paid' means the longer he keeps off an application being made to the CSA.

Make your decisions based on his behaviour, not what he would like you to believe.

Good luck!

He knows im sending in the application. I've printed off another one, have the number written down. He very panicky. He keeps saying "i can only give you 20 a month you realise. i cant give more than that" i think hes either lying or worried.

Good, you're doing the right thing.

Oh thats worried

I bet he earns more than he is telling you, and that he knows the CSA check

Say "Don't worry, I'm happy to abide by what the CSA calculates is fair"

i think hes lying too. I have told him the csa wont make him skint they will take into consideration his bills but if he doesnt cooperate they can be nasty to you.

Yep, he's worrying alright. He's probably hoping you'll change your mind.

£20 a month, wouldn't cover her breakfast would it, imagine if mums did the same we'd be burnt at the bloody stake.