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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

Alone

43 replies

AmIthatbad · 31/03/2012 21:55

I need to know if anyone else feels the same.

I know we go over all the good points of being single parents, and I really, really try to dwell on all the positives.

But right now, all I want is someone to put their arms around me and kiss me - even on the cheek - that would do.

I go to work, I have a semi-social life, but I have not had a proper realtionship since 2004. That's 8 feckin years.

Now,I'm in my late 40s, I'm invisible to men.

I have registered on dating sites and all I get is old men winking at me.

When I go out, I never even get a first glance, let alone a second.

Can this be it?

Should I resign myself to the fact that I am unloveable.

OP posts:
MrGin · 31/03/2012 22:30

Nobody is unlovable. :)

alwayshappytolisten · 01/04/2012 22:02

Nobody is unloveable.

You're sounding defeated, like you're in a rut.

Are you always moving in the same circles? seeing the same people and going to the same places? Assuming lots of other people are too you're probably moving on 'parallel lines' to your future partner. Try change your route to work or do something out of the ordinary on the weekend or when you have a free evening. Break with routine.

You never know. People meet in the most unusual places.

I live in hope anyway.

CookieMonstersCousin · 02/04/2012 21:30

Hi, as everyone else has said, nobody is unloveable. That said, I'm not feeling that dissimilar to you at the moment although being a single parent is still a new thing for me.

fingers crossed!!

Original poster
AmIthatbad · 02/04/2012 22:24

Thanks for the kind words.

Cookie - fingers crossed for you too x

OP posts:
SugarBabyLove · 03/04/2012 11:48

Well, obviously you are not unloveable. That is illogical. The only thing I can suggest is making sure you do things (in any spare time you have) that really interest you and keep you reasonably, mentally stimulated. (I know it's not the same as a good )

There are thousands and thousands of groups on meetup.com How about expanding your social circles? Can't hurt and you never know.....

I am in exactly the same boat as you. And it's not a very comforting boat at all. I have not had a relationship, snog, manly hug, grope, or even flirt since 2006. I am also in late 40s.

washingonawednesday · 03/04/2012 19:40

Persevere with the dating sites? I know it's an old-fashioned and not a particularly feminist view, but I love being in a relationship and really missed it when I split up with my partner. I know how you feel, but you are definately not unlovable and you'll find someone I'm sure

Keep your chin up and get out there. Even if you don't meet a lovely man, no one can have enough new friends in my opinion! Good luck!

daisystone · 06/04/2012 18:00

Oh I feel like that. I miss sharing things with my H. Sometimes DD does something sweet or funny and I badly want to share it. I miss cuddling on the sofa or in bed. I miss talking crap with someone and just having someone there to listen.

I don't like being a single parent. This was certainly not what I wanted for myself or DD.

I'm heading into late 30s and although I know some people haven't even met their significant other or had children at this age, I still feel old an past it. I think a lot of that is to do with a massive knock to my confidence and self esteem over the past 8 months.
Until I start feeling myself again (if i ever do) I doubt very much I will meet anyone else. EVen though I want to meet someone else because I feel lonely, I know in my heart of hearts taht I am not actually ready to. I am still too raw.

I have signed up to match but my heart isn't in it.

Feeling lonely is normal

Original poster
AmIthatbad · 06/04/2012 18:31

daisystone I don't know what to say, except xxxxx.

Am now off work for a week, and dreading the week ahead.

I love my DD more than I could ever describe. But I still get upset and I am still unreasonably jealous of all the other people I know who are off to do "family stuff" over the Easter holidays.

And I'm so pathetic that I was crying yesterday as I waited at the traffic lights and I saw all the couples/families driving past.

I know I have so much to be happy about, but at this precise moment all I see is the loneliness. And the fact that no man is interested in me. A very sobering thought.

OP posts:
daisystone · 06/04/2012 19:57

I get upset when I see families too. I did a lot of crying in the car today as well. And then I came home and watched The Notebook (because I am a masochist) and spent two hours crying and now I look like a frog.

When my DD came home from her grandparents I cheered up as she is so smiley and happy it is hard to be sad when she is around.

I know a lot of my mother's friends remarried in their forties and fifties so do not give up hope. Maybe try the personals in The Times or Telegraph or Guardian. Not sure how I feel about Match.... I have had some winks from some MUCH older men and I do wonder why they think it is acceptable when I have specified an age range and they are way outside it! BUt have been chatting to a nice man (could be a serial killer) and he wants to meet up at some point. I am not ready to meet up though and feel a bit of a fraud as he is probably looking for a real relationship.

WillIEverBeASizeTen · 06/04/2012 21:16

I'm 50...LP at 45, straight into another relationship which lasted 3 years...remained devastated for 2 years and then decide I was ready to 'have fun'!. Met a chap in August last year and still together...however...there are lots a few complications which I won't go into...I wasn't ready for the first relationship, that's why it didn't last, but I'm more than ready for this one...

I actually asked my fella whether he would have approached me had he seen me in a pub etc...and he said no, even though I'm absolutely stunning attractive. His reasons? Because, he said, " I would assume that you were married/attached"...I never thought of that reason before, but, I guess that's quite a logical assumption at our age...

And ladies....it's not always roses behind the nets you know Hmm

Original poster
AmIthatbad · 06/04/2012 21:23

But, Wiill I, although not always roses,there must be lots and lots of good stuff.

I would still sell my soul for someone to make me a cup of tea Grin

OP posts:
WillIEverBeASizeTen · 06/04/2012 22:33

AmI...Don't give up hope...there are plenty of men out there,they are as exasperated as us you know...

And anyway....if you're willing to sell your soul, you gotta make sure it's a good Brew

Please...don't be sad...it happens when you least expect it..

Original poster
AmIthatbad · 06/04/2012 22:38

Will I.......Grin maybe someday I'll find how to meet them

OP posts:
WillIEverBeASizeTen · 06/04/2012 22:44

AmI...you may have to start by kissing frogs Hmm

elastamum · 06/04/2012 22:47

Am I, there are men out there you have just got to keep looking. I met my now DP on e harmony. I am 48, he is 5 years older. i nearly didnt meet him at all, as I was having a down day like you and my dear friend talked me into going.

Dont give up. It will happen to you Smile

Original poster
AmIthatbad · 06/04/2012 22:47

If only I could meet the frogs.............Grin

I

OP posts:
Original poster
AmIthatbad · 06/04/2012 22:48

you re all so nice, I've stared bubbling

OP posts:
ninah · 06/04/2012 22:51

I am going to get someone to make me a cup of tea tomorrow. Room service.
Dc off to dad's. I am going to book in to a hotel on a cheapie easter deal and sit louchely by the pool. I am going to have a fine time, and reap the benefits of being 'invisible' as you put it. No one is going to hassle me.

ninah · 06/04/2012 22:52

bubbling? Grin
hey you can do better than frogs, really you can
I've done the internet thing too and it's ghastly, btw, it's not just you!

Original poster
AmIthatbad · 06/04/2012 22:57

ninah...you are my heroine. If I could get childfree time, I would be the same. Deep breaths and enjoy Smile

OP posts:
WillIEverBeASizeTen · 06/04/2012 22:58

Plenty of frogs...just beware of the slimy toads...what about speed dating? Go just after Wine o'clock...you'll have a scream..

ToothbrushThief · 06/04/2012 23:06

I can't guarantee any time without children. I'm financially challenged thanks to being lone parent with no support... it does make being part of a couple really difficult.

I don't feel it's personal about me. I think it's just circumstantial. I'm not free. I'm not able to date.

I feel anger at a society which (in my mind) allows a parent to dump children on the other parent and walk away with neither financial nor practical responsibility.

I do know it's not society...it's just one dickhead bloke- but sometimes it feels like society allows it because no one is shouting out 'that is wrong' There is just acceptance of the fact that he lets the kids down, pays zilch... There is nothing and no one to stop him.

ToothbrushThief · 06/04/2012 23:08

Sorry for ranty bit Grin

I just find it hard that I will probably spend most of my life single - busy caring for 3 lovely DC, working full time and bringing them up whilst he fucks off and does what he likes.

I'd like to be part of a couple

ninah · 06/04/2012 23:10

thanks! I get two weeks a year without the dc so I am blooming well ready for it (and yy skint too despite working god knows how many hours a week - but it's my wallet or my sanity)

ninah · 06/04/2012 23:13

it is unfair tt - their lives may be easier, but are they happier? I wonder
after a terrible start my ex is now quite reliable but as he lives a way away it makes meaningful contact difficult
I really don't think a partner would make my life better though