do I have the right to know ex's address?

[MistressMiggins]

H wont tell me where he lives (dont even know which part of the country let alone town!)

he expects in the near future to take the children to his new house for the weekend

is he allowed to do this if I dont know the address?
Ive told him it wont happen but he seems to think I have no need/right to know the address?

same as dp, as he doesnt know where his ex lives either and they have both got a 6 yrs old DD together.... and we have asked her too but no reply!

so we always had picked 6 yrs old up from her nans (ex's mums house) for the past 5 yrs

I wouldn't think it would be wise to let them go if you have no idea where they will be.

yes, I agree with CD. it would be perfectly reasonable of you to refuse to let them go until you know where they are going.

what if he is living in a flop house or something?

its ridiculous

he says hes worried I will do something!!

what???? (these are my only thoughts)

1. stalk - they will be living 100 miles or so away - hardly going to stick kids in the car
2. find out the phone number of the house - they could go X-directory
3. see how big the house was & demand more money - Im just not like that - I dont want more than is fair - money is far more important to him than me

Im just worried thats all

I bet he wouldnt be happy if I moved and he had to pick them up from local McDonalds etc

just like he wouldnt like it if I'D had the affair and was moving new bloke in - but its OK for kids to go to strange house with daddy and meet new live-in gf

No way. No address, no kids.

wouldnt let kids go neither

I not sure about this, as I was able to withhold my address from my ex, so it might be true in reverse. Agree though tht I wouldn't be happy my kids going somewhere I didn't know about.

what if he tells me the town?
do you think that would be enough? (I dont)

havent spoken to my solicitor about this yet as have told ex that he can only see kids here until we have a proper sit-down chat about things

e.g. does his new house have beds
booster seats
nappy changing stuff
sides for bed
who does washing of clothes

I think ex's vision of the weekend will be this:-

pick up kids - clothes, booster seat, side of bed, cutlery, weekend supply of nappies

come home with bag of dirty washing ad probably forget one of above items - give me money to buy new one

this happened recently with car seat - he drove off with it and refused to turn round when realised - phoned me to say hed give me the money to buy new one - so I had to WALK to halfords to buy new seat adn the my dad had to pick up the seat, and me & the kids

Message withdrawn

You are entitled to know where your children are during contact.
If you refused contact without an address and a telephone number and he took the matter to Court-he would likely be told that contact at his home will only happen if he gives the address-simple as that. He would have to make a pretty convincing argument to get away with non-disclosure
If he wants to play games, like a two year old then he is just going to make his contact position so much more difficult!

I would simply refuse to let them go. And I am sure any court would agree. I would want a landline phone number as well. I don't think you have the right to inspect the premises, or to know who washes the clothes (why do you want to know that?), but you do have the right IMO to know where your children are. I'm talking moral rights here, not legal, though I would expect a court to take the same view.

Message withdrawn

MM, I would say that you want full details of where the children will be staying. This is the safety & wellbeing of your children we are talking about here - so be tough for their sake.
I think it is harder to insist that the house they are staying in will be equipped to exactly the standards you would hope for but it is well worth reminding him of what they require.
I have got very tough with my ex-H ever since he took the children on holiday and was out of contact for 5 days. I nearly went out of my mind with worry - so now I insist on full details, addresses, land lines other contacts etc, so that I have some fallback options in case he messes me around again.
At the end of the day, you hold the trump card because until you are satisfied about where they are going, you can just say "No, not until I know where they will be". You are not denying him access by doing this, you are just asking for specific information as to there whereabouts.

I'm not illiterate - "I have become tough" not "I have got tough"!!!

I can see my post looked funny

what I meant about "who washes the clothes" was
my ex will not expect to have to do any washing - he will expect me to send enough changes of clothes to include accidents & then send the kids home with all the dirty clothes

I dont want to inspect the house either

I just meant I dont think that ex will have thought any of it through and until we sit down & discuss things, I dont want them going anywhere.

I havent been unreasonable at all so far so I dont think he has grounds for not telling me where he is

Ive even said he can come here every weekend and I always leave the house so he has time alone here with the kids to do as they please

sounds like you are being very reasonable. I think setting ground rules re washing clothes etc is a good idea.-Also make it clear that he will have to provide nappies etc.
These are issues that often casue ongoing niggles so best to sort them out now

Think you should send them in the clothes they are wearing, and let him sort out what else they need. You might help him out by giving him suggestions for what he might need -- if you are feeling generous.

I would definitely not let them go if he didn't tell you where, give you an address, and a phone number. I also would specifically say they are not to be around bimbo chick (don't know if you can do this but I would try).

will be difficult as SHE will be living with him

he hasnt said so outright but I think it is true

he said he had a permanent address & so wanted to have kids overnight and I said fine as long as SHE isnt living with you
he said I couldnt stop him and I said I could so he started saying he would reduce the money....at which point I put the phone down cos money is NOT the issue, the well-being and stability of my children is

he seems to have a lot of money to throw around so maybe they'll have two lots of clothes - at his & at mine - he'll soon see that children arent cheap

Is he giving you more than the usual 20% of his take home pay? If not, he'll have a difficult time reducing it.

yes he is giving me more than 20%
I suggested the amount when he first left

he hasnt quibbled until he finally went to see a solicitor last week
now he knows about the 20% he has started saying things like "if I cant have weekend access what am I paying the extra money for?"

certainly not paying it to BUY time with the kids
I work part time so could be argued the extra is spousal maintenance

we havent discussed anything to do with the property / future / access / holidays
he cant be bothered
wish he would just stick to coming here for the day every other weekend
suits me / suits the kids

You could always tell him that you are going to quit your job and ask for spousal maintenance, and that you are filing on grounds of adultery. You could also air the real resons for your divorce around his office. You have a full house in your hand. Suggest he learn to play nicley.

have filed for divorce on grounds of adultery - for some reason his solicitor wanted a few points cleared up but otherwise think he will sign

Good for you, Miggins!

Howa are you doing these days. I haven't checked on you for a couple of weeks (partly due to the sneaky name change). Are you coping? Are you finding the old you, and feeling hapy about it?

I don't even know you, but I think you are fab. Keep up the good work.