Unhappy, sick, barely cared for children are a huge bar. As is the money - there is no room for spare.
Exactly 60% of my wage goes on rent. The remaining 40% I have to put aside to cover childcare for the year (summer holidays being horrendously expensive).
I pay the bills with Child Tax Credit, Working Tax Credit and Child Benefit. The little bit of Housing benefit left over might go towards new clothes and shoes for the DC.
I feel sick at the thought that I cannot afford for my DC to do extracurricular activities. I know that having just a couple of extra-curricular activities could enhance their sixth form and university applications.
If I take unplanned leave I don't get paid. There is no possibility of working from home. If I take more than three days of unplanned leave in a 12 month period I am subject to disciplinary procedures. Prior to last week I had taken three days.
I once sent DD2 to holiday club - even though she had a temperature of 39. DD1 (also at club) secretly administered paracetamol and ibuprofen to DD2 through the day (the play leaders can only administer prescribed medicine and the Dr Surgery is not open before we leave). I felt like the worst mother in the world. DD2 should have been at home. DD1 should not have been encouraged to act deceitfully to care for her sister. But my wage already fell short of the outgoings and I have to make the deficit up with the only flexible thing - the already tight grocery bill.
I am dreading my "Back to Work Interview" with my manager tomorrow.
I cannot afford to be ill. One of my three days off was being sent home with pneumonia - having left a chest infection untreated. I returned to work the next day stuffed with antibiotics.
Until last month I was registered at a Doctor Surgery that was only open between 8.15 and 5pm Monday - Friday so I was not able to manage any of my several conditions properly. I have now moved to a new Dr Surgery, with Saturday appointments and online repeat prescription requests (delivered straight to the chemist so I only need to make time to collect the prescription). This has hugely improved my ability to manage my health. I am back on top of two conditions and feel healthier for it.
I barely see my DC during the week. I leave at 8am, return at 6-6.30pm. I come in cook tea, the DC bath and then go to bed. There is no time to do homework during the week and eat and sleep. Trying to fit breakfast, tea and time for washing and dressing in to a day means they do not get enough sleep. This makes me feel like a crap mum. Some evenings I am so tired I can barely string a sentence together. My brain just cannot function. The DC are crying out for attention. I am exhausted.
Housing Benefit is a nightmare. I cannot budget each month because they will only work my entitlement on a three week, then five week basis (alternating - I really do not understand why not calendar month of four weekly). This is because my childcare costs differ each calendar month due to school holidays and half-term breaks. The HB office is open from 8am-6pm (4.30 on Friday). I cannot get to the office to drop my proofs in each month, so I trust the postman with my wage slip (they won't accept photocopies).
Last year the HB office made a serious error in working out my entitlement. I spent months making phone calls and precious hours writing letters, gathering evidence etc. The replies were always "we don't make mistakes". Eventually I requested an independent tribunal, also notifying the local MP. This prompted them to properly look in to it. Having said I owed them over £500, it turned out they owed me £200. All this stress and worry was horrible, draining and took precious little time away from my children. The time I was with DC I spent worrying sick about how on earth I was going to find the money to pay HB back or cover the loss of HB because the HB office was not paying anything because their error resulted in them thinking I was over paid.
Much of these problems are due to having such a limited income. There is only so much I can bring in. On top of that DXP left me with a number of unpaid bills and a rather liberal attitude with my credit card (arguing that his salary could cover it) means I have debt repayments to make that almost equal my childcare bill. He left years ago - the children and I are still paying for it. He has evaded CSA to such an extent that they have given up and so pays no maintenance.
That all said I do enjoy working. I look forward an improving wage and increased qualifications. I feel glad that come retirement age I will have built up a good pension and I will finally manage to relax.