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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

alone on special days

28 replies

jco · 22/01/2006 09:07

Today is my daughters 7th birthday, we've been up since 6!! Do you ever get fed-up of being alone on days like today? its like getting up on xmas morning alone, its so depressing. it wasn't meant to be like this. she's having a party at tea time so she's having a good day i think its just me who feels it

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pebblemum · 22/01/2006 09:48

When my DS1 was 1yrs old his dad left us so I know how you are feeling. You want the best for your child and it is nice if you have someone to share special moments like these. Im now married but still feel lonely, at the mo I am sat at home while dh and all his family are staying in a posh hotel having breakfast!

AlmostAnAngel · 22/01/2006 09:49

pebbles why you not at hotel!

pebblemum · 22/01/2006 09:52

Couldnt get babysitter for overnight. I went there for a meal last night but just felt like a spare part, they had already celebrated FIL's b'day, couldnt wait for me apparantly then had to listen to how much fun everyone was having. Shit eh?

AlmostAnAngel · 22/01/2006 09:53

least you got the bed to yourself

pebblemum · 22/01/2006 09:59

Yeah i suppose that was one thing! Still I would rather had been able to wake up and had a sauna instaed of making kids brekkie!

AlmostAnAngel · 22/01/2006 14:39

mm,,,,, yeah see your point

AlmostAnAngel · 22/01/2006 14:40

you could dump the kids on him and go away for a night at a spa!

pebblemum · 22/01/2006 17:14

Very tempting! but I wouldnt do that to the kids ha ha.

I hope your daughter is having a great birthday.

How are you feeling now? Its hard to put a brave face on things sometimes isnt it? When I was on my own I was ok most of the time but now and again a situation would arise and I would suddenly miss having someone there to share it with like your childs first day at school or on birthdays. But as you said in your first post, your daughter is probably oblivious to how you feel, she is just having a good time on her birthday and as long as you are there for her thats all she needs

barmybird · 22/01/2006 19:25

God you must have read my mind! its my dd 3rd birthday today. My x had her friday and saturday night and returned her to me this morning. He barely spoke to me except to tell me she'd had a great party with his family!

We have spent the day doing what she wanted to do- swimming, mcdonalds etc, she has had a great day but I have felt so lonely. Its no fun spending special days like this alone, I wanted someone to share it with! feel quite down and tearful

benbenandme · 22/01/2006 19:34

my situation this week is similar but in reverse - tomorrow is ex's birthday so I offered to let him have ds (usually has him weekends) but he said "No, its fine, I've made plans" (ie. with new g/f). Was hurt for ds as he has been practising singing happy birthday all week. Spoke to ex tonight and he said "Speak to you in a few days" so I replied "Well I thought I may speak to you tomorrow ???" and he was like "Oh well, ok then but theres no need". Does he realise how much it hurts to be so excluded but also for ds to be excluded too !!? I know I'm better off without him but it still hurts like hell !!

nikkie · 22/01/2006 19:56

I feel like this a lot, my parents are around a regularly but it isn't the same as sharing expressions when they first wake up see pressies etc.
I feel like this when we have trips out especially as I am rushing around and you can't get a table as you have to get the food etc.
Kids are always happy tho'

Bugsy2 · 22/01/2006 20:34

Happy Birthday to your daughter jco. Hope she had a lovely day.
Whenever I get fed up of being on my own I just remember how much worse it was when ex-H was around & I am instantly cheered up!
Ex-H wouldn't have been looking fondly at their happy birthday faces, he would have been huffing and puffing about the mess, the annoying wire things holding the toy to the cardboard, the fact that you needed a screwdriver to put the batteries in etc etc. He was a happiness leach.
My strategy on days which I know will be a bit emotionally tricky for me is to ensure that we've got lots planned and then I don't have time to think about sad things.
Hope it all turned out well for you and seh enjoyed her party.

Original poster

jco · 23/01/2006 21:10

she had a great time but the whole day was so sad for me. my ex didn't even send her a card or pressie. on the way home from school today she said to me that daddy had forgot her birthday!! what do you say to that!!!

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pebblemum · 23/01/2006 21:21

I know it is upsetting. Does your ex normally keep in touch with your dd or has he let her down in the past.

If it is a regular occurance your daughter will eventually get fed up with it and will see that as long as she has you, she doesnt need anyone else, especially someone who lets her down all the time.

If this has been a one off maybe you could get in touch with him and explain (nicely) how upset she was that he had forgotten. Maybe there is a good explanation for it, who knows.

Original poster

jco · 24/01/2006 10:02

He does see the kids from time to time. this is through his choice as for my kids sake i wish he would take a more active role but he just doesn't seem interested. he saw them for 3 hours on xmas day and before that he had them for 3 days in the summer hols. I just feel hurt for my kids as they love their daddy. I wish I could make it right for them but there's nothing i can do. I don't know why he is like that because i do believe that he loves his kids, i think he's just to caught up in his own life to understand that they need him to be there for them

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pebblemum · 24/01/2006 14:36

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nightowl · 25/01/2006 03:55

i know what you mean jco. when i was first a single parent i would feel terrible at christmas, birthdays etc. annoyed with ds's dad for his half arsed attempt at buying him something. (usually a set of cars..as if he didnt have enough). i think im used to it now though, ive been a single parent for seven years this february. my dd's first birthday, it has to be said hurt the most because i think i was always convinced that might be the day her father turned up. (he's never met her you see, despite my begging). everything id hoped for since i was pregnant and all the "oh he will change his mind one day soon" was crushed that day. i ended up sending an arsy text to his gf and feeling very upset when she told me i could carry on wishing! dd has just gone two and i was excited for her but dreading it in another way. that horrible feeling never came though, i watched her with her little friends while their mummies helped me out in the kitchen. her nanna was there and her brother too..and i just thought "this is fine, she's happy. she doesnt know who he is so cant miss him". i can honestly say that i felt no sadness at all and im determined its going to stay that way. i think the fact that my friends were there really helped. i feel like if im fed up on all our special days, it will ruin all the nice memories we could be making. does that make any sense?..im tired and rambling again!

Original poster

jco · 02/02/2006 10:44

i'm on a real down today. tired of everything, tired of looking after everybody else, tired of being soley resposible for two kids, tired of being on my own. hate the weekends, everywhere i go there seems to be happy families having fun and its just bring it home to me just how alone i am. I don't want much, i don't want lots of money or a big house i just want to be happy but can't seem to get past this big empty void i have in my heart

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Caligula · 02/02/2006 10:48

Sorry to be happy clappy and not v. helpful, but I honestly don't feel alone on days like this. I'm with my kids and I don't miss the ex at all - I really never notice him not being there. Have you been on your own long JCO? I've been apart from my ex for almost five years, so perhaps it's time.

Bugsy2 · 02/02/2006 11:01

jco were you very much in love with your ex? You sound as though you must still miss him. I'm a bit like Caligula in that I know my life is so much happier without my ex-H. I felt more lonely when I was with him because our life was such a sham. We may have looked like the perfect happy family in the park but behind the closed doors he was a radiating force of snarling resentment. Appearances can be very deceptive!
Have you got any nice plans for the weekend to cheer you up?

Original poster

jco · 02/02/2006 11:49

I did love him very much but things had got so bad between us it was a relief when we seperated. Its been 3 years and for along time i felt happy, just pleased to be out of a bad relationship. I just feel so lonely now, i don't want him back but i miss having somebody else there. i had been seeing somebody but i don't think thats going to work out.
i haven't really got any plans for the weekend, all my friends are busy with there husbands and kids. It tends to just be me and my kids at the weekends, i think i maybe need to make more of an effort to get out with the kids but money is tight. sorry for moaning so much, just having a real down day

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Caligula · 02/02/2006 13:12

jco, have you looked into whether there's a Gingerbread group in your area? They do outings and events for lone parent families and it might help stop that feeling of "alone-ness" if you have something specific to look forward to doing with your kids. They'll have fun and you'll get some adult company.

benbenandme · 02/02/2006 13:35

Whereabouts are you jco? i know exactly how you feel, I too would love someone special - someone there just to share your day with, put the kettle on, just day-to-day companionship I suppose

Am going to contact Gingerbread as there doesn't seem to be much in my area for single parents so thought I may look into it myself.

I am in West London if there are any other singletons out this way I'd love to hear from you !!!

Original poster

jco · 02/02/2006 16:27

I'm in cheshire, I don't think there are any gingerbread groups round here which is a real shame. I'm lucky that i do have a few close friends but weekends are family time so they all tend to be with their husbands. from friday afternoon till monday morning its just me and the kids, i never use to mind so much but just lately i'm finding that i feel really lonely

OP posts:

Bugsy2 · 02/02/2006 17:01

how about inviting your friends over for lunch/tea on Sat or Sunday or suggesting a family friendly pub to meet up for lunch. You are still a family. I used to feel very self-conscious about it just being me, but now I don't care anymore.
Also lots of mums are sporting "widows" on Saturdays and would probably jump at the chance of a meet-up.

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