In mid pregnany, 2 small children and facing single life, anyone want to join me in this journey and support each other?

[himynameisfred]

Hi, is anyone else in a similar situation who wants to share asdvice or support.
Even on practical things, like what help there is, etc.

Come say hi! :)

hi - 14 weeks with a 17mo. Sad to say I'm in the same situation :(

but it would be good to chat.

Was in that situation but out the other side. Happy to lurk and offer encouraging words/hand to hold and tell you it'll be okay.

Hi there, I have a 4 year old and a 5 year old, and am 23 weeks pregnant. My ex left suddenly with no discussion at the start of November! I had a very bad few weeks but am now very positively looking forward

Not pregnant, but 2 years ago ExH left me at 38 weeks with 4th baby, so have done newborn alone with other small ones - they were 7,5, 18 months then

Yes to 'it will be ok' advice here too

I've got a 4 and 2 year old, am 24 weeks pregnant and their father is "having some space" with a friend. I'm hoping he's going to come home before we have to tell the children he's gone for good. So far they believe he's helping the friend out and speak every day on the phone since he left on Saturday.
Loobyloo - did their dad return?
Thoughtsplease - Have your kids been in contact with their Dad? Has he explained why he left? Are you in touch with his family?

Fred - has he gone for good? What was his reason?

Thanks for sharing all of you.
Can't believe it seems so common

My ex comes round occasionally to bring food, or smash doors in.
I'm just trying to become more independant and waiting to be rehoused away from here and closer to civilisation.

I'm looking forward to being self sufficient, get tired and lonely though

He sounds like an arse - just as well you're rid of him. Do you get out of the house and see friends/family? Will he contribute financially?

How old are your 2 children?

I'm in this situation too. 5 children, 23 weeks with no 6. it's quite tough isn't it? I am wondering what to do about labour - can't have exh there, but am not looking forward to doing it on my own.

My ex wasn't at the birth, I had a friend and the MW's (HB at my parent's house)

I am also thinking what to do about the birth, my mum will be looking after my 2 children, and my sister works away a lot and will probably not be around, an her idea of coming ack quickly or I'll be there in an hour is a standing joke in our family! All my female friends have their own children, work etc so can't see how they will be able to be there.

So thinking of doing alone, but I am quite happy in my own company, Beattie what concerns you about being on your own?

Harecare, I rarely get out, I moved to the middle of nowhere to live with him can take a few days to get a bookiing for the dial a bus, no usual bus service here, or any little shop or park withing a few miles.
This village is so small.

I have a 4yr old who isn't able to get to nursery most of the time, only if ex turns up to take him, he's nearly 5 but stuck in nursery part time as he's disabled and so the school he should have gone to couldnt meet his needs, he should get a special school the term after he turns 5.

We're pretty much stuck at home far too often, I don't speak to any neighbours because I'm terrible at socialising.
And the sob story goes on..

BeattieBow
wow you'll have your hands full.
I had my little sister over while having my last son, and I gave birth at home, while she took my little one out of the way to play upstairs.
Hiring a doula enabled me to do this.
Having that support, a birthing partner who really was there just for me, meant I had the best, easiest labour I could have, didn't need pain releif because of the natural breathing techniques I learnt,
and me and my newborn and my then 3 yo all went to bed together that night, it was lovely.

I have a little 20 month old toddler too

my problem is that I only just recently moved here - me and exh were going to have a wonderful new life together so i don't actually know anyone. Because I've been ill with hyperemesis , and work anyway, I haven't been able to meet anyone (and it takes time too), so don't have anyone I would feel comfortable being in labour with, or even to phone to look after the other children. I'm sure I could and will manage alone, but it is slightly daunting. I am concerned about getting to the hospital on time - I have given birth very quickly in my other births and am further away from the hospital now. I also wont be able to drive and will have to get a taxi or something. and sort all of that out myself.

I'm not very happy in my own company either - I need people around me, and feel extremely isolated, and then depressed if I don't speak to anyone.

Hisnameisfred, do you have family nearby?

scorps i recently had a happy evening where I read through threads of people in similar situations, and i saw your thread at the time of your exh leaving/your dd being born. I identified with so much of what you were saying. it's reassuring that you did get through it, and things do get better. I don't really feel that things can get better for me until this baby is born. Until then, I'm in limbo really.

I have since read back that thread to myself as well - I genuinely feel it was about a different person, iyswim, not me.

I really, really promise you will get over it all. It does not happen overnight, there is no magic way, it just happens as you go about life

What about practicalities? Money? Any possibility for child free time when baby is older? Mine keeps me sane and it's time to have fun

Ask any questions, if you have any, I don't mind - my marriage break-up was very public on MN

himynameisfred - I think i have read your other threads - You stay bloody strong and do what you have to xx

it's the loneliness I find hardest to deal with - the evenings mostly. i get out during the day as I work, but the evenings are quite desolate. and seem worse because of the tiredness/nausea that hits me in the evening.

scorps that is good to hear. i identified so much with you because (sorry to remind you) you did spend alot of time crying and asking why and wondering how you were going to cope. I feel very similar.

but glad things get better, and you don't recognise that person. i do think that pregnancy hormones have a lot to answer for in the way I feel now. and I would be a lot more sociable if I wasn't pg and feeling so tired/unattractive etc.

beattiebow

sounds like you really need a doula!

thanks scorps x

I have some family an hour's drive away, they don't drive, neither do I, and there's one bus a week, so technically I couled take that bus, get a further 2 buses, reach their house and half about half hour before getting my return buses on time, as there's 1 return but per week back into the village.
Rarely see them.

Lonliness is hard, not being able to have a conversation with another adult for weeks on end :(
I contacted Homestart they said they'll consider whether they can come all the way out here, as I'm not in any homestart catchment area, and they'll get back to me.

Lonliness is very hard, I end up welcoming ex back into our lives because just being able to talk and see another person is nice, but tonight again he called me a fucking bitch in front of my children and started chucking things, because of I don't even remember what.

When your so isolated it's easy to make the wrong decisions out of desperation.

I remember when my first son was a tot I was also single and I went to college twice a week and got close to who-ever spoke to me, (happened to be males) and I would give them the wrong idea and get a bad name for 'leading them on' by being so friendly but that was just because I was relieved and ecstatic about having some actual conversation, so gave out the wrong impression.
Males are more likely to be the ones to try talking to me, so me actually showing interest in whatever they'd say gave the wrong impression.
And the males eventually pushing more 'smothing more' would be the end of the friendship.
This always happens.
Historically have never really got on with women.
Although, would be open to getting on with anyone now, given a chance..

Beattie - yes my threads were very open, honest of me

I cried alot, more than what i wrote down. I asked why, Why, over and over, to the point of where my parents had to say 'Stephanie, darling, we don't know'

And i was so mad there wasn't really an answer, a bigger scheme than that

God i was so bad then. It has been 2 years exactly since he left - in that time i lost alot of weight and developed an almost eating disorder - yes, i went back a few times.... but I am happy, totally seperate from him, he lives with his GF about a mile away - it's fine

I have a fab social life, no boyfriend as such, but enough male entertainment , i just generally have a lot of fun!

It has been a hell of a journey and don't underestimate the pure shittiness of it

Some nights i would have 2hours sleep and have to take other 3dc out at 830am for school and be awake for 20 hours straight. Once i phoned my Mum at 3am because Lacey just would not sleep and i couldn't stay awake any more

I felt his absence very much. Then a little less. Then even less. Now, it's odd if he ever comes in (rarely - he did tonight cos i needed to talk about ds2, and it was odd)

Hi all, I am new to the lone parents threads, just looked through this thread and you all sound amazing and forward-thinking.

I'm 25, almost 30wks pregnant with my third, I've got a 4yr old and a 15 month old. Just found out my 'D'p (and father of all three) has signed up to dating websites over Christmas 2011, also some VERY questionable porn he downloaded, (have got a thread in relationships called Found A File On Partners PC if anyone wants the horrible background info, dont know how to do links)
So basically facing single life with three under-fives, and the birth of number three to somehow get through! I can't imagine what's going to happen at the birth, I would prefer exP not to be there because I don't trust him, and my mum isn't ideal becasue she just wouldn't be the best person to keep me calm. We rarely discuss emotional matters too, and I'd feel guilty laying all this on her, hence she currently has no idea of anything happening in my home life. If push comes to shove though, my mum would be there for me, it's my reluctance to involve her holding me back rather than any problems that are her fault.

So anyone's experiences and coping strategies would be greatly appreciated, as I really REALLY don't know where to start.

Oh and exP is still living here until he gets paid and can make alternative arrangements, so thats a whole barrel of laughs too

+hello all... just checking in. I'm 10 days into separated life now. Still and my parents, meeting with a lawyer tomorrow to talk th+*ings through. I'm less numb, and haven't cried (hysterically at least) for a couple of days. It's the logistical stuff that is driving me crazy right now though. I've just had an email from XH. He wants to see DS on Thursday, after blowing us out on Saturday. I said I was taking him to playgroup in the morning, so to make plans accordingly... he has come back to me asking if he can come with us. What the ACTUAL fuck?? 18 months of DS life I've fought tooth and nail for 'family time' only to be told I'm demanding/boring/nagging/crazy (insert insulting adjective of your own). Now I know about the OW, and have resigned myself to dealing with his zero interest in DS and I, and he emails wanting to play happy families during our separation.

I am genuinely struggling to know what to say to this. I want as good a relationship as possible with him for the sake of the kids (pg with no.2 now) but this just feels insane. It's like, to him, nothing needs to change. He can have another partner, walk out on his financial responsibilities (as he is a student, I can't even claim maintenance from him!), he can walk out on me and 2 babies, but seems to think he can 'walk in' to fun family time whenever he feels like it. It's so confusing and hurtful. Clearly I am going to say no, it's inappropriate. But I just feel like screaming at him you ABSOLUTE SELFISH TWUNT. NO, you can NOT come to effing playgroup with us. Get a grip!!

TwoPeas I saw your other thread. You have my absolute sympathy, and support - I would do the same. I don't know if that helps or not but I just wanted to say so x