Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Do you receive little or no child maintenance?

55 replies

ShirleyKnot · 01/12/2011 16:17

I'm trying to start some interest in an MN campaign to try and bring awareness to the plight of the many thousands of us who are struggling to put food on the table with little or no financial support from an absent/NR parent.

Please come and look here at my thread in the campaign section and add your thoughts or experiences.

Thanks

OP posts:
TheSecondComing · 10/12/2011 16:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

santastooearlymustdache · 10/12/2011 16:32

exH stopped paying any maintenance about 6mths after he left, DS2 was almost 4yrs old, DS1 was 7yrs old.

he sent christmas cards the 1st year we were apart, and turned up unexpectedly whilst DS2 was in hospital.

that was more than 20 years ago, the bastard he would drive past all 3 of us (DS1 DS2 and self) on a regular basis.

i was financially penalised by the CSA to try to force me into giving exH's details so they could pursue him for payments.
they would not believe that i didn't know where he was, and that i should have done more to find out.

i almost lost our house due to not being able to keep up with the rent at this time.

i had to get my MP involved to have this reversed.

vickyvicster · 26/01/2012 14:48

Hi Shirley, am so glad someone is looking into this. I met my exhusband abroad and then came back to UK to have our son. I spent loads of money going to court to fight for a visa for him to join us and then found out he was a total lying scumbag so cancelled it at the last minute. Clearly he was just into me for a visa and has never really shown that much interest in his son. He's not at all well off and has never sent a penny (stupid me married him for love not money) . What really gets me is that maintenance payments aren't taken into account when claiming benefits. I know alot of other single mums and they all moan about being skint when they get £800+ from their exes and exactly the same benefits that I get. I have lost my home and had to move in with my mum and now support my son on £550 per month. I'm not saying that these other mums shouldn't receive benefits too and I don't want everything handed to me on a plate (I'm desperately looking for work) but it does seem that people in my situation are truly the ones living on the breadline.

cestlavielife · 26/01/2012 15:18

i had children with a man who in 1994 had a relatively good job £35k which was more than me when we met tho i caught up and overtook...but he got depressed left work in 2005, etcetc...so now as an exP he earns nothing and in fact due to v arious factors (he is in joint owned flat and need to wait for communal repairs to sell to get best rpice and/or go back to court to enforce occupaiton order costing more ££££££) i get nothing.

CSA irrelevant as he earns nothiing.
hasnt got the gumption to claim either so cant even get the notional £5 per week...

so i work full time pay everything and more.

CSA is totally irrelevant though as would not get anything!

ok am not on breadline as i work but even so - point i am making is that CSA isnt relevant to all cases as would make no difference.

molepom · 27/01/2012 10:08

Bump

PinkCarBlueCar · 27/01/2012 10:34

I think that the CSA / CEMIP should be integrated into HMRC.

That way, the information about earnings, benefits and addresses are more likely to be up to date and there's more chance of us RP's getting what our children deserve to have from the NRP's.

The system will never be water-tight, little ever is, but I think that would be a good way forward.

I also think that the government should demonise the deadbeats, not the single parents. We're the ones who are bringing up the next generation, trying to instill decency, respect, responsibility, etc.

Secondwife · 27/01/2012 15:58

My ExH's woman quit her (£60K) job to become a SAHM, so he could barely afford to pay for the kids we'd had together previously.

ExH's woman had thousands in savings so their lives were fine and could afford holidays, whilst I never did managed to afford even a week away for me and the kids.

Karma is a wonderful thing as money does not buy happiness!!!

thepeoplesprincess · 27/01/2012 19:19

What really gets me is that maintenance payments aren't taken into account when claiming benefits

That's a bit mean. It won't make you any better off in the slightest, it'll just mean even more kids are forced into poverty.

FTR- I get zilch, not including the six pounds I got from him once for a school jumper.

bochead · 29/01/2012 13:37

I don't understand the failure of csa collection. The state manages to get most bods council tax, VAT and income tax etc. If the collection rate was as poor for income tax as it is for csa then something would have been done YEARS ago!

At a really fundamental level, I just don't feel the politcal will has ever been there to deal with the issue "properly", it's so much easier to just villify sngle parents, even though that is such a lazy approach. (c'mons ya'll MP's are famous for their mistresses and Cecil Parkinson showed us all YEARS ago how the establishment really views abandoned kids).

Single parents take all the flak yet we are the ones who stay and take responsibility? Makes sense? Not at all! Too many go onto have 2nd and 3rd familes when they refuse to fund the 1st one. Newsflash - the "gubberment" doesn't get people pregnant - consenting adults do! (Except in very rare cases) we all know nookie can = baby, no matter how careful you are. Don't winge either if you have a child with a partner who has existng kids and then find you can only afford a graco and not a silvercross pram.

If a child is neglected by the parent wth care - prosecution follows, single Mums who disapear for a 2 week fun in the sun break to turkey are socially villified, often imprisoned and often wind up in the newspapers named and shamed - what's the dfference between that and a parent who can't be arsed to provide the funds to make sure the child has food in the cupboard until they get their first job? Until we can get to a place where everyone grows up with the mantra "you made it you raise" drilled into their brain, culturally nothing will change. It'll always be tweaking round the edges, and generations to come will continue to suffer.

The NRP (female or male I don't actually give a shit which!) should simply be prosecuted and face the same kind of sanctions you face for non-payment of VAT. promptly and without exceeption. The csa was given powers to remove driving licences, snd in the baliffs, and prison YEARS ago but for some reason doesn't bother to implement sanctions.

In my own case the barsteward can't even be arsed to buy a Xmas card, let alone pay maintenance, but with a disabled son I have enough battles to fight. My lad is growing up with a sense of responsibility though (if only towards his pets right now!) as I refuse to see my Grandchildren or future daughter in law suffer. If he has to live on beans on toast/lentils for 6 months to ensure my grandchild eats properly & gets new school shoes then that's what I'm raising him to do!

Parents with care skip meals etc so the kids don't go without so I have no sympathy for the "poor me" complaints of those who find that flash cars and foreign holidays are out once there are 2 households to contribute to.

Patienceobtainsallthings · 03/02/2012 21:24

Very easy once partner has moved on to new partner/new kids to just forget about previous kids and opt out. My ex once said"have you any idea how much it eats into my budget".I get £5 a week for 2 kids.

SuePurblybilt · 03/02/2012 21:28

I had a CSA agreement with the Ex and private collection (ie he handed it over to me). He was in arrears when he lost his job and is now claiming but it looks like it'll be up to me to chase the £5 a week they are supposed to take out of his benefits. Without knowing his details/claim numbers etc, I get to make the pointless and expensive phone calls because he hasn't seen it as a priority or ticked the box on a form.
Grrrrr.

UnlikelyAmazonian · 04/02/2012 10:44

My exh ran away to thailand to shag whores when ds was 6 months. Not a penny and no contact since. Glad he's not here though.

BitchyHen · 04/02/2012 10:54

I have received a grand total of £280 from my xh in the 12 months we have been separated. This is supposed to support 3 DCs. I would go to the CSA but he was emotionally abusive and I am scared of the repercussions.

Mind you, judging by these responses the CSA would be useless anyway.

DollyTwat · 04/02/2012 11:04

Just £5 a week for 2 dc here too
As soon as I got an attachment of earnings he quit his job so he still owes me £2500 in arrears
it's disgusting, he earns cash in hand so he never goes without. He says it's my fault he can't work as they'll (the mean CSa) so much of his money he won't have any and he refuses to live on the bread line. Ok for me though!
G

PigletUnrepentant · 05/02/2012 01:48

I receive about 50% or less of what he should be paying.

It is not a bad amount but he is not the full percentage that he should be paying according to CSA calculation.

PigletUnrepentant · 09/02/2012 13:33
Hmm

The op never returned... journo?

DollyTwat · 12/02/2012 18:01

No Shirley's not a journo
Think she just forgot her thread!

GoingForGoalWeight · 13/02/2012 00:50

Nothing since 2005. Bastard C word.

theredhen · 13/02/2012 07:06

I got nothing for eight out of ten years. Now get £20 per week. No idea how long it will last.

Heard a lot of sob stories over the years. Didn't matter how ds and I were struggling though. He rents his house out, owns a boat, his own business, travels abroad etc.

littlemisssarcastic · 13/02/2012 10:00

Couldn't agree more bochead.

Tiredtrout · 13/02/2012 14:50

Nothing for the past 6 years, since he emigrated to canada with his new family. Prior to that he did all of the messing about via the CSA that he could which came to £6.5k arrears, CSA haven't totted up arrears for the past 6 years though. He also skipped out leaving me with the mortgage to pay off on a house that was repossessed and council tax arrears.

But, much happier without him as is my dd

Adversecamber · 14/02/2012 18:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

missymarmite · 16/02/2012 23:02

An easy option would be more equally shared parenting, therefore reducing the burden on one single person. Ie, instead of NRP and RP, you have primary carer, say the mum for 4 days a week and secondary carer usually dad for 3 days a week. Primary carer gets all entitlement to tax credits etc.. secondary doesn´t have to pay maintainance per se, but they will be providing food, clothing, entertainment, free childcare for the RP for those 3 days. Seems fairer to me.

AnnaFalactic · 17/02/2012 14:38

Never had a penny for DD. Don't want the bastards money anyway, I've got plenty of my own tyvm! Not that I'd get much if he HAD to pay, seeing as DD is 1 out of at least 10 children that he should be paying for. (never mind the rest that are over 18!)

MrGin · 17/02/2012 15:14

missy

I'd go for a set up like that in a nanosecond. But then I already voluntarily pay a decent CM, adore my dd, and try to work with my XP.

Ultimately it'd cause more problems given, in the context of this thread, the men involved are far from reliable or responsible.

Swipe left for the next trending thread